AITA for allowing my mother to bring Thanksgiving food to my house this year? Married with 3 kids and a pregnant wife?

A Reddit user finds themselves caught in a family dispute when their mother offers to bring Thanksgiving food to their house. While the user sees it as a kind gesture, his wife feels it’s rude and disrespectful. Tensions rise, and the user ultimately asks his mom to only bring dessert to avoid further conflict. Was the user wrong for not supporting his wife’s feelings more strongly? Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘ AITA for allowing my mother to bring Thanksgiving food to my house this year? Married with 3 kids and a pregnant wife?’

1 week ago, my mother asked to spend Thanksgiving at our house this year and my brother and niece planned on tagging along. For context, my grandmother passed earlier this year and my family usually got together at her house for Thanksgiving.

I told her we initially planned on visiting my in laws because they live closer to us and my wife wasnt enthusiastic about cooking this year, but I’d ask my wife to see if they had any concrete plans locked in. We then decided on staying here and hosting my family. I offered to cook to help out but my wife insisted that she wanted to cook. This was about a week ago.

Fast forward to today. My mother calls me and tells me she planned on bringing stuffing with turkey legs, fresh sweet potatoes, and a cake. My wife goes absolutely ballistic, saying it’s extremely rude to bring food to someone’s house for Thanksgiving. We get into an argument because I’m trying to say that shes just trying to be nice and help out, but my wife fully believes she is either trying to be rude or disrespectful and how as her husband I shouldnt have allowed it.

She begins to talk to her family about how rude my mom is and just overall being angry towards me. To remedy this, I basically had to tell her not to bring any food and only the cake because it’s acceptable. I personally didn’t think it was such a problem given the situation, but apparently it is. AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

KikiMadeCrazy −  I mean did your wife already got the turkey, brine it and did 2/3 of the prep?

Ok_Chance_4584 −  I’m kind of leaning towards ESH here: while Mom probably has the best of intentions, it is rude to tell the hosts what you’re bringing instead of asking what you can bring (and stuffing is kind of a major part of the meal on Thanksgiving , so it is presumptuous to tell the host you’re bringing it; similar situation – to a lesser extent – with the sweet potatoes).

Your wife was understandably upset, but trash talking your mom to her family crossed the line. You’re not an AH per se, but you should have checked with the host (which, if she’s cooking, means your wife) before okaying your mother’s contributions. It’s not the end of the world or anything, but you could all do better.

Jilltro −  YTA it’s the day before thanksgiving! Your wife has likely had her menu picked out and planned for a while and all of the shopping is done. Then your mom announces that she’s bringing some of the main dishes? That is so unbelievably rude that either your mom is terminally oblivious or she’s making a power play.

Since she invited herself and her family over to your house a week in advance I’m assuming it’s the latter. If she wanted to help cook she should have asked what she could bring/suggested what she wanted to bring IN ADVANCE. That way she would actually be helping your wife instead of messing with her menu.

Impossible_Rain_4727 −  ESH: It would not be wrong to bring a side dish or an additional desert to the event, however, it is rude to bring turkey and stuffing – given that is the main part of the thanksgiving meal. It comes across as “*I don’t trust you to deliver the main meal, so I made it myself*” rather than “*here is something extra I made to share*”.

Jealous-Ad-5146 −  I have a feeling there is a lot more to this.

lolalolagirl −  YTA. Oh hello, you do not announce you are bringing the main dish without clearing it with the person who is hosting, which is technically your wife since she is doing ALL of the cooking. A side dish, sure, but the main dish? PLEASE

Why wouldn’t your mom be gracious enough to pick up the phone and ask your wife what she could bring, not you, since she is doing all the cooking? Why would you tell your mom that was ok without clearing it with your wife?

Do you have any idea the amount of cooking and prep that goes into a traditional meal? Your mom may have wanted to help but she went about it all the wrong way. Families can be tricky, but you need to support your wife and have her back. Good luck!

o2low −  Info. Your mum waited til a week before to invite herself ? And guests. When you say ‘we’ decided to stay home, did you talk your wife into it ? Because from your wife’s side here: She was going to her parents where they’d fuss over her and she wouldn’t have to clean the house, food shop and prep, etc.

Instead it somehow ends up that she’s cooking full thanksgiving for her family plus your mother and brother . Given she refused your offer to cook , is that something you’ve ever done before ???

Then your mother announces she’s bringing her own dinner the day before ???? Respectfully that sounds like your mother playing games and you are just oblivious to her ‘she means well’ energy and your wife is rightfully insulted that after all the effort she’s put into this, her MIL is bringing her own dinner.

For gods sake, be nice to your heavily pregnant wife and don’t dismiss her emotions and given how strongly she reacted, I’m guessing this isnt the first ‘she means well’ incident. Mommas baby boy.

Temporary_Analysis55 −  Did you tell you mom that your wife initially didn’t want to cook? Did you tell your mom that your wife changed her mind about cooking? If you told her that wife changed her mind and wanted to cook, and she INFORMED you that she (your mom) was bringing food, your mom is out of line, here. If so, why is your mom so comfortable dictating what happens at your house? That’s not normal and it’s not ok.

Your mother does not get an equal say in your household decisions. If you DIDN’T tell your mom that your wife changed her mind and wanted to cook after all, you’re responsible for this fiasco.

1TiredPrsn −  Is your mom’s name Marie Barrone? Her heart might (hopefully) be in the right place but she’s going about it the wrong way. I’m sure your wife has gone over the menu extensively by now. She doesn’t need anyone throwing a wrench into her plans.. Slight YTA I guess.

sleepy965 −  Info: how did you convince your pregnant wife, who wasn’t too enthusiastic about cooking thus planning to go to her family’s instead, to agree to host and cook for your family with one week’s notice..