AITA for allowing my friend to propose at my graduation party?

A Reddit user shared their experience of letting a close family friend, Max, propose to his girlfriend at their high school graduation party. The user was thrilled to allow the proposal, seeing it as a celebration of both their upcoming life chapters.

However, the user’s mother and her friend, who organized the party, were upset, feeling that the proposal overshadowed the celebration they planned for the graduation. This left the user questioning if they were wrong for allowing the proposal without asking the hosts. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ AITA for allowing my friend to propose at my graduation party?’

I (18F) just recently graduated high school in May. The summer has been so busy so I haven’t been able to have a graduation party until last weekend. My mom (45F) and her friend pulled out all the stops: taco bar, cute decorations, and games as well as putting together an Amazon registry for my dorm room! It was truly amazing, except for one minor hiccup.

A few days before the party, I get a text from a super close family friend, Max (21M) asking if he could propose to his girlfriend (who also happens to be my cousin) Bri (22F) at the party.

I absolutely ADORE them as a couple and I have always seen Max and Bri as the older siblings I never had, so of course I was overjoyed at the impending engagement and the fact that Max wanted to incorporate my event into a small aspect of their story. So of course, I gave him the go ahead!

Cut to last Saturday, after we went outside of the venue for pictures, Max took a knee and popped the question. She said yes, and because we were already outside for pictures, we got some gorgeous shots of the proposal.

Everyone was overjoyed, except my mother and her friend (the one who helped her plan the party) who pulled me and Max aside, infuriated, and said that the party was supposed to be about me entering into a new stage in my life, and they didn’t plan the party for Max and Bri, and they were stealing my thunder, and that this was on par with proposing at a wedding, and that this was just plain tacky.

Max apologized, but I said that I gave him permission and that yes, this is my party so I want to celebrate with my family and friends who are also about to enter into a new chapter of life! However, my mom said I didn’t plan the party so it’s not technically mine so Max should have asked them instead of me.. So AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

BaconEggAndCheeseSPK −  YTA. Your mom was the hostess, not you. She shelled out the money for the venue, the food, decorations, etc to celebrate you, not Matt and Bri. I know you’re flattered and think “Matt wanted to incorporate your event into his story” but what he really wanted was for his engagement to be subsidized by your mother.

What was the rush? They are 21 and 22? Why didn’t Matt save up another year to throw his own event to propose at?

SusanfromMA −  It is always in poor taste to use someone’s party to do such things. It was unfair of Max to ask you to allow it. I understand why your mother is upset, she paid for the party and it became all about Max and Bri.

You should have told the person paying for the party and asked them. So while the party was FOR you it wasn’t your party, it was your mother’s. Max 100% should have ask permission from your mother, not you.. YTA

TemptingPenguin369 −  YTA. It’s generally tacky to hijack a party. But you weren’t throwing this party; your mother threw the party. Max should have cleared this with your mother, who wanted to throw a party just for you. Basically your mom threw a party that was about Max’s announcement, which means Max and you are the tacky ones here.

Was Max too cheap/broke to throw his own party, that he had to jump in on something your mom and her friend planned for you? You’re young, so maybe you don’t understand how hurtful this was to your mom and her friend. Please apologize to both of them.

clockstrikes91 −  Soft YTA for you, but Max is a huge one. idk who in their right mind would think someone else’s graduation party would be the perfect place to propose. Just gives the impression that, when Max found out your mom was going all out, he realized he could reap huge benefits without spending a dime.

Mom and her friend spent all that money, all their time and effort, to throw this big bash to celebrate you and you alone. It would have been so hurtful watch it get derailed like that, because once the proposal happened, few if any people would have even cared about your achievement. It becomes all about the couple.

Your mom just wanted to give you your day. You weren’t able to celebrate when the graduation actually happened, and when she tried to make it up to you, the party was taken over in such a shameless way. Max could have planned his own party to propose. He absolutely did not need to do it here.

sixoo6 −  I really don’t get the avalanche of YTAs here. Yes, what Max did may have been influenced by ulterior motives like being too cheap to plan his own proposal event and was really tacky, and if the question was if Max is the AH, my answer might be different. But the question is if OP was the AH, and to this my answer is NTA.

You gave your friend permission to propose at your party. You considered it another happy thing to add to your event. You didn’t even notice the problem until your mom told you. Most importantly: my mom said **I didn’t plan the party so it’s not technically mine**. This is honestly such b**lshit. If you plan a party for somebody else, the intention is supposed to be to celebrate that person and make that person happy.

Of course, there are some reasonable lines you can draw – like if what makes the guest of honor “happy” is destroying the event grounds or making everybody else in the venue unhappy, then of course the party planner doesn’t have to accept granting their guest of honor’s toxic version of happiness. But from the sound of things, only mom and her friend were pissed off about the proposal.

Everybody else was fine, *including OP*. But now, instead of enjoying your graduation celebration (considering that you’re here and asking us if you did something wrong in r/AITA) it sounds like your mom basically ruined your memories of your graduation party by calling you out for what you initially perceived as a blessing.

So, was the party really about you? Or was it about your mom showing you off to your friends and family in a picture-perfect event that she wanted? I can understand why your mom got mad, I honestly do – but that anger should be reserved to Max only.

Telling the party’s guest of honor that “you didn’t plan the party, so the party technically isn’t yours” is just such a s**tty move, like you’re not allowed to be happy at your own party because you didn’t plan and pay for it. She may as well have thrown the party for herself in that case and called it a “celebrate my daughter graduating event, but let’s be clear, this event is really for me.”

Having-hope3594 −  Slight YTA. Your mom and her friend ought to have been asked. You meant well for the couple. I have a daughter graduating next year and would want her party to be a family memory a big lifetime milestone. The engagement was a distraction (although a happy one and you were very gracious). 

Manager-Tough −  YTA. Your mom paid for a graduation party, not an engagement party for someone else’s kids.

dfjdejulio −  NAH except for your friend. You are not the AH for wanting to allow it, but your *mom* is not the AH for being angry about it. Your friend is the AH for putting you in this foreseeable position.

Veneretio −  NTA I’m genuinely confused why so many think this person is the a**hole. The party was for them. If they were comfortable with it. Who cares. OP just sounds like a supportive person. I really can’t believe so many people are siding with the mother who this part wasn’t for. It’s also really odd that the mother thinks this is even close to on par with a wedding.

SlideItIn100 −  YTA. You were not the host, your mother and her friend threw this party for a specific reason. As you said, they pulled out all the stops… at *their* expense!

Was it appropriate for the Redditor to allow the proposal at their party, given the hosts’ concerns about the focus? Would you have made the same choice if asked by a close friend? Share your thoughts below!