‘ AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? ?’
‘ AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? ?’
Let me set the scene (edited spelling, my bad). It is 6 am my partner(45M) and I (33F) are chatting in the kitchen as they have recently come home from a 12-hour night shift in manufacturing. My partner was telling me their plan to shower and get to bed quickly this morning. As we are talking my daughter (7) wakes up and heads to the bathroom with the shower. We have a half bath in the basement away from the bedrooms.
I say nothing to her. My partner comments that it is b**lshit that I allowed her to do that. I state that she will only be a moment. She ends up taking less than 5 minutes, likely close to 3 tops. She goes back to bed and he hopes in the shower. While in the shower my partner reminds me we have talked about this before and they shouldn’t have to bring it up.
He believes that she should not be using the bathroom he needs to get ready for bed (or work) at any point during the time he will be in and out of it. I have been told I am inconsiderate for allowing her to get away with this behavior.
So, AITA for believing a quick trip to the bathroom is reasonable?.
Edit to add:
We got into a large fight over the situation. I told him it was not a big deal that she took a quick pee. He thinks it is inconsiderate that he was not asked if he needed the bathroom before she went in. He always asks us if we need the bathroom beforehand (even with the fact there is a half bathroom in the basement). To him it’s not that she used the bathroom it’s that we are both inconsiderate of not finding out anyone else needs it first. I think that should only apply to using the shower. He is most upset that he is not considered in the same way he considers us.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Gileswasright − They’re 33 and 45 though, at this point both are old enough to catch s**tty behavior. Not sure if this rule truly apply here…
Also OP, NTA. But, the man clearly has no idea what it’s like to live with a kid. This issue isn’t that deep, kiddos not taking 20 minutes, sounds like they’re doing the quick morning pee routine, again it’s a non-issue. Is this an isolated issue that he just can’t get passed, or is he this nit-picky with more things to do with your kiddo.?
Are you positive this is the ‘stepdad’ energy you want around your kid.
Bright_Aid6048 − YTA for not calling out his behavior and defending your daughter a year ago! It also sounds like you didn’t call it out again so he’s still thinking you’re in agreement.
My husband got back for a 12-hour night shift this morning, we also have a bathroom downstairs away from the bedrooms. Our daughter had to go to the toilet just as he was starting to get ready for bed. Do you know what he said? NOTHING! Because a sleepy little kid should be able to go to the toilet without having to check the time and day to figure out if someone MIGHT use the bathroom. If he did say something, guess who’d be using the other bathroom – not my daughter that’s for sure!
Next thing he’ll be angry because she’s wetting the bed rather than deal with the toilet anxiety he gives her.
yellowjacket1996 − NTA but this is not okay and you should call him out on this. it’s 3 minutes and it’s at 6 am, sounds like he was talking to you and not actively showering/getting ready in there like he should have been if those 3 minutes were so important. He’s picking a fight with a seven year old or you or both.
Gold_Repair_3557 − NTA. He says you’re allowing your daughter to “get away with this behavior.” To be clear, the behavior in question is going to the bathroom. Your partner may be middle- aged, but he’s very immature. This is a pretty bright red flag.
GardenSafe8519 − You have a lot of issues with your BF. You are not crazy, he’s an a$$. There’s a reason why he can’t find a woman closer to his own age ..because no woman his age would put up with his crap. You state in another post that you got together while navigating divorce and child custody. Woman, you need to not be in a relationship until you figure out your worth. And trust me you’re worth more than your current BF is willing to give you. You should figure out WHO you are and what you want and deserve in a partner and Don’t SETTLE FOR LESS.
Can’t believe he said you need to do something about your daughter’s behavior. Your daughter is a CHILD and the only behavior she was exhibiting was doing something so normal as a bodily function and he has a tantrum about it?. Do better and protect your child.
StAlvis − My partner comments that it is b**lshit that I allowed her to do that.
FFS, women, when a man can’t find a partner **his _own_ age** there is a **REASON** for that.
blahhhhhhhhhhhblah − NTA. Really? He seriously wants a *child* to schedule her bathroom visits around his showers?
What behavior is she “getting away with”? Listening to her bodily functions? How dare she. /s
He’s just coming off as creepy and controlling.
lihzee − Does your partner feel tough, trying to keep a young child from her own bathroom?
im-gwen-stacy − If he wasn’t already in the bathroom doing what he needed to do, then it’s free game for whoever needs it. NTA
neophenx − Women his own age caught on early that he’d have problems like this. NTA for letting kiddo do what they biologically needed to do, but I can’t imagine this is an isolated incident with his weird demands.