AITA for advising my brother to change his loungewear before he goes to college?

A Reddit user shared a dilemma about advising her 20-year-old brother to change his loungewear habits before moving into a college dorm. Concerned about his tendency to lounge in tight underwear—even in front of guests—she asked her boyfriend to gently suggest alternatives, such as athletic shorts or pajamas. However, her brother felt the intervention added unnecessary stress and accused her of overstepping. Read the full story below to see how it unfolded.

‘ AITA for advising my brother to change his loungewear before he goes to college?’

I (25f) live at home with my dad (41m), my brother (20m), and my bf (27m). My brother has been going to community college for the past two and a half years and is transferring to a four year university this January.

My brother has never lived anywhere but our house before. He will be living in a traditional dorm come January. I am admittedly a little protective of him. I don’t have to worry about him socially at college because he is great at making friends and he will be playing on the baseball team so he’ll meet people right away.

However, I am concerned he’ll get weird looks. My brother literally walks around the house in his underwear constantly. I’m not talking boxers; my bf does that and you can’t even tell the difference between that and shorts. I don’t know know the name but it’s like the really tight underwear. And before you say that he probably only does this because it’s family he literally has friends over and doesn’t get dressed no matter how many bewildered looks they give me or my dad.

I told my bf to talk to him because I thought it would be less awkward coming from a guy. I told my bf that if he took my brother shopping for athletic shorts or pajamas or even boxers I would pay for them. I just don’t want him to be the weirdo in college or on his team.

My bf talked to my brother and it didn’t go well. My brother immediately knew it was coming from me. He came to me and said that he’s stressed enough about starting college and doesn’t need me psyching him out about something so stupid. What he wears to lounge around and sleep in when he doesn’t live at home is not my business. I see his point, but I also don’t think I was wrong to try and spare him from teasing.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

kurokomainu −  NTA for the once-off try; but now you should drop it. If he wants to prance around his dorm room in his tighty-whities like he’s losing at strip poker then that’s on him. He is now making an informed decision.

Mobile_Following_198 −  NTA. But you’re not going to get him to change. It sounds like he is wearing briefs around the house, which is fine for his own home. But a dorm, especially a traditional dorm, is a shared living space with strangers. Briefs, especially the classic white briefs, leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. It’s little better than just running around nude.

There are also standards of dress for most dorms, and it may even be against the rules for him to lounge around in briefs. The *best* case scenario is he gets teased. But he could also get in trouble, especially if he has roommates who are uncomfortable with it and he refuses to change his habits.

Olthar6 −  NTA you tried.  He’s didn’t like it.  He’ll learn at school what is and is not acceptable there. 

JohnGradyBirdie −  NTA but why the heck didn’t you or your dad (especially him) raise this issue sooner if guests to your shared home were already expressing concern? That’s the space and time since it’s about your shared space and your guests. College is all him.

BoobySlap_0506 −  For one try, NTA, but if he doesn’t want to take your advice, let him learn his own adult social lesson the hard way. When someone else says something about it they might not be as nice.

plantprinses −  Honey, of course you want to look out for your brother, that’s understandable and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ve let him know your concerns but now it’s time for you to step back. He’s your brother but he also needs to be his own person. Don’t bring this issue up again: that would be wrong.

StarCrumble7 −  A cautionary tale: So… when I was in college I was voted “best b**t” in the student paper (my friends got together and did it as a joke), followed in 2nd place by a guy we’ll call *Joey*. Joey was a bit of a party animal and one time he passed out face down in the quad in just his briefs. There were photos, and then there was voting, and then there was his barely-briefed-b**t in the student paper. I don’t remember a lot about college but I remember Joey’s b**t.

QuirkySyrup55947 −  Jeepers… buy him some pj’s or loungewear for Christmas and leave it at that. If he is old enough to go to college, he should be old enough to read the room and wear appropriate clothing in a dorm.

GBOC80 −  NTA. You tried to help, he didn’t take it well. Just apologize to him and then drop it and don’t bring it up again. It’s nice that you thought of it, but at the end of the day, he’s an adult. If he wants to cruise around his dorm in tight underwear, so be it. Let him deal with any consequences, which there may not be any.

PopNo6824 −  He will figure his own stuff out. Don’t worry about it.