AITA for addressing issues I have with our stepfamily with my dad only and not my dad and his wife?

A Redditor is caught in a tricky situation with his dad’s new wife and her kids. After three years of living together as a blended family, the teen has become accustomed to handling any issues by going directly to his dad, his primary parent. Although his dad doesn’t mind, his stepmom feels left out and wants to be more involved in resolving these issues.

When she asked him to come to her as well, he expressed that he simply feels more comfortable speaking to his dad. Now, he’s questioning if he should try harder to make her feel like part of the family. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for addressing issues I have with our stepfamily with my dad only and not my dad and his wife?’

My dad has been married to his wife for 3 years. In the house are me (15m) and my sister (13f) and dad’s wife’s kids (14m, 12f and 10f). It’s fine. There are some issues we’ve had come up since dad and his wife moved us all in together. Some of the repeat stuff is;

* My stepbrother coming into my room and taking my video games without permission
* My youngest youngest stepsister barging into bedrooms without permission
* My stepsisters fighting and trying to make me figure s**t out between them

Other stuff that has happened once are things like;

* Jealousy from my stepsisters when I did something with my sister and not them
* Issue over who is walking home from school together or alone
* My stepsisters wanting us (sister and me) to go someplace with them but I didn’t want to go (it was aimed for girls not guys)
* Stepbrother eating my snacks that are specifically for me because I have food allergies
* Stepbrother calling me a r-word for heating a frozen pizza when I was alone and not giving him some

When stuff like this happens I go to my dad. I don’t go to him and his wife. My dad is my parent. I love and trust him. I don’t feel that way about his wife though she’s fine. My dad never minded but after three years his wife is bothered and upset that I will go to dad and not to her or them together.

She had dad talk to me and he said she feels like it keeps the step in our family and she wants us to become more of a family. I told him for me the step will always be there. He said he understood. He said he doesn’t think I’m alone.

My dad and his wife talked about it and she approached me and said she would like me to try come to her sometimes at least because she’s now my parent too and she’d like to be treated like one.

She said right now me and my sister treat her like she’s just another adult and not a family member worthy of going to. I told her I just felt better going to dad. She didn’t like that and said I should try harder.. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

I_wanna_be_anemone −  She could step up and actually parent her own kids before complaining about not being allowed to parent you as well… NTA 

ygiddytalia −  NTA. Your feelings are valid and you should not feel pressured to confide in someone you are not comfortable with. Its understandable that she wants to be a part of the family but forcing it might create more diffrent issues. Just keep communicating with your dad.

Only-Ingenuity7889 −  Would she actually do anything to help if you did go to her? NTA.  She’s not your parent.  She can be a trusted adult, but she’s still Dad’s wife, not your Mom.

justtired2022 −  NTA, your father is your parent. His wife is just that, his wife. Not your mother. She’s not your parent, and clearly she hasn’t built a rapport with you that makes you feel comfortable to go to her with an issue. Especially when it’s about her kids. How does she handle it when your dad addresses these issues?does she handle it? Or does she blow it off?

Effective_Brief8295 −  NTA. I guess next time you can go to her and say “keep your kids out of my room!”

LouisV25 −  NTA. There is a step in your family. That is a fact. You don’t have to go to her. If she wants that type of relationship, she needs to build it not request it. Blending takes time. Keep going to your Dad. He brought you in this world and has a duty to you and your siblings. She needs to talk to her kids so the blending is easier.

LosAngel1935 −  NTA. you were honest with her, that’s all you can do. you can’t help the way you feel and she as an adult should understand and respect your decision. she’s the one who needs to try harder to understand how you feel. she has only been in the family 3 years.

Sea-Tea-4130 −  NTA-It is appropriate to talk with your dad since he’s the bridge between you and the steps. You only feeling comfortable to approach your dad is fine and relationships with stepmom or even step-siblings take time to foster. It’s not some automatic switch that flips for an instant family. Your actions are valid and your feelings are valid.

On a side note, she has to earn her place in your heart. It is not automatic because she married your dad and her place in your life is whatever you deem her to be. If her place is as your dad’s wife, so be it. If her place is as a parental figure, so be it. It is what you feel comfortable having her as that will be what it is.

Sea-Tea-4130 −  I disagree. It’s not expected that he does anything he is not comfortable with. It sounds like that is mutual respect and that they are civil to one another. OP made a great point that he feels comfortable talking with his dad.

This leads me to believe OP is NTA and that the try harder person should be the step mom in building trust and not forcing herself to be her dream version of a stepmom but being what OP needs or would like for her to be.

There are no set expectations beyond what they all have established together. It’s established that OP goes to his dad. That won’t magically change because stepmom has b**t hurt. Adulting doesn’t work that way.

FyvLeisure −  NTA. Keep the step, & get a lock for your door.

Do you think the Redditor should put more effort into building a relationship with his stepmom, or is it fair for him to seek support from his dad alone? How would you handle blending family boundaries in a similar situation? Share your thoughts!