AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back?

A Redditor shares their frustration after their fiancé secretly removed all vegan food options from their wedding menu, despite them previously agreeing on including 4-5 vegan choices.

The Redditor, who is vegan, was upset because they felt their preferences were disregarded and confronted their fiancé at work. Now, they’re wondering if they were too harsh in demanding the vegan options remain on the menu. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back?’

My fiance (31 male) and I (25 female) are getting married soon. There wasn’t much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. Me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues.

My fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they’re hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously. However, When deciding on the wedding food menu, I wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. My fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that ‘isn’t real food’.

They also argued that this would be offensive for ‘their’ guests and suggested my vegan options just be “the good ol’ salads & appetizers” (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). I said no because for one it’s me and my family who’s paying. and two I want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served “salad”.

my fiance made a face and said “isn’t that what vegans eat?”. I refused to argue about it and said it was final. The other day, I found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. I was seething.

I called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. I went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. He was stunned to see me. He at first said it was his mom’s idea then told me to go home because I was making a scene at the office.

the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were PLENTY of meat options why why can’t I get 4-5 vegan options?

when I’m paying for it?. He yelled that it was his wedding too not my family’s. My family said it was fine and they’ll figure it out and told me to let it go but I refused. AITA for putting my foot down on this?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

HoldFastO2 −  NTA. So, he: 1. has no clue what Vegans actually eat, and no interest in learning. 2. believes having food for your family is offensive to theirs, while having no food for your family is perfectly fine. 3. doesn’t respect your input and your money.

4. makes decisions about matters important to you behind your back. 5. either can’t stand up to his mom or uses her as his s**pegoat. That’s a lot of things to be really angry about. Why are you marrying this guy again?

AnselaJonla −  NTA. Are you _sure_ you want to marry this man and his family? They have no respect at all for you and yours.

Reasonable-Rich6650 −  So you and your family are paying, but his mummy says salad and cupcakes is fine, so he cancels any food the family PAYING can eat. I’d cancel the wedding you NTA, him and mummy massive massive AH’s

giospez −  NTA, and easy fix. He cancelled the vegan options, you cancel the wedding. Imagine what the toxicity will be when you guys have kids and you want to have ANY type of input on their upbringing… Edit: had forgotten to add the NTA…

Desert_Sea_4998 −  NTA, unless you marry him. He showed you who he is. Believe him.

SaikaTheCasual −  NTA and honestly, you wanna cancel the wedding all together. – He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t respect your family. – he’s going behind your back to do something he knows you hate. – he’s prioritising his mothers fragile feelings over your needs

I’m not the “break up” over anything type of person but… this dude isn’t able to handle an adult relationship with mutual respect. And at his age … that’s worrying. Another thing that’s worrying is that he’s together with a vegan and obviously has no clue on what vegans eat.

Constant-Apartment08 −  Definitely NTA. Not only are you the one paying for the food, but a wedding is something you plan as a couple. He felt like your and your family’s wellbeing during the catering wasn’t as important as his.

Kyraphim −  NTA. As someone who has been vegan/vegetarian for 15 years and very familiar with this kind of hostility from meat eaters, I beg of you to seriously reconsider your relationship. His family is one thing, but if he’s so flippant about your lifestyle and makes comments about it not being real food, it means he doesn’t respect you.

Especially if he’s doing s**t like this behind your back. Doesn’t seem like he’s trustworthy. He sounds like the type of person that would intentionally feed you non vegan things because he thinks it’s funny and would teach you a lesson.

JetItTogether −  INFO: how many options are there in total? So like 4-5 non vegan and 4-5 vegan meaning 8-10 options for meals? Is this a buffet or restaurant reception? Or is this a multi-course menu and so there is essentially 1 vegan meal with 4-5 courses?

NTA- because he did this behind your back without talking to you… But I’m wondering why he cares what other people eat? Also he’s the AH for claiming he doesn’t know what vegans eat. You’re vegan… He knows you eat more than salad.

artichokesue789 −  NTA. I mean this sincerely — reconsidered marrying him. It’s not about the food. It’s about the secrecy and manipulation, the disrespect of your feelings, and the disregard for YOUR money. Please get out now.

Is it fair for the Redditor to insist on vegan options for their wedding, especially when they’re paying for the food? Share your thoughts and opinions below!