AITA far asking my wife to text me all the errands she will be running for me ?

A Redditor discusses the challenges of balancing work and errands with their wife, who often forgets tasks while running errands in the city. After facing repeated issues with forgotten requests, the Redditor asks their wife to text them a list of errands and a reminder later in the day. Although this system initially improves communication, it leads to feelings of frustration and distrust from the wife. Read the original story below to delve into this couple’s struggle with managing responsibilities and communication.

‘ AITA far asking my wife to text me all the errands she will be running for me.’

I work in the city. My commute is about 1.5 hours each way. My wife loves the place where we live and is a stay at home mom with our six year old son. Some days her and our son come into the city with me. They will spend the day running errands or seeing the city.

Sometimes she leaves him with her folks and comes in alone with me so she can spend a day alone or with friends. I work four ten hour days. That way I work forty hours and still get three days off. When I’m working I don’t have time to run errands. So on the days she comes in I ask her to take care of some stuff.

The problem is she often forgets to do what I need. She will say it just slipped her mind or she got too busy or something. So then I have to drive into town to take care of some stuff. The closest town is only a half hour so it’s not terrible. But there is also a limited selection for the stuff I need or the places that provide the services I require.

And they are expensive. If I must I will drive into the city, wasting my money, time, fuel, and putting miles on my car. So for the last year I have been asking her to text me everything she has on her list to get done for me. And then again around 4:30 so I know it has all been completed.

She has been good about it but she complains that I am treating her like a child and that she will remember to do everything she promised to do. I agreed that she could go back to her way last week and she got carried away talking with her friends and didn’t notice it was almost time to pick me up until I called her to let her know I would be at a different office.

She showed up to pick me up and none of the stuff she was supposed to do got done. I asked if we could please go back to the texts because she obviously needs them. She said yes but she is upset with me for not trusting her. I do trust her. Just not to remember to do what I need.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

ExpressingThoughts −  NTA – it’s weird how she is saying you don’t trust her to not do things when she clearly does not do them. If she has a better way that doesn’t make her feel like a child, then fine, but for now what you are proposing seems reasonable.

ParsimoniousSalad −  INFO: Would it work if YOU texted her the list of what you needed done as a reminder?

PlethoraOfDogs −  There are apps you can both access and add and check off tasks. That would eliminate you feeling the need to nag and her feeling inadequate.

Ghostsintheafternoon −  INFO: its not super clear but are you asking your wife to text you a list of things she’s planning on doing for you and then like. texting you a progress report?

Sylvurphlame −  INFO. You’re going to need to edit your post with some of you individual replies or you’ll be crucified. As someone who works 12 hour days, with an hour commute each direction, because that’s what makes it work for my family, I have some initial sympathy. But you need to paint a clearer picture or people will just assume you’re just bossing your wife around.

Lawyer_2021 −  NTA – she is a stay at home mom, you work full-time. Marriage is about partnership and I see no reason why her running errands while you’re at work is an issue. If she consistently forgets items or the errand in its entirety, a friendly reminder doesn’t seem like a major issue to me.

Plenty of wives will send their husbands to the grocery store with very clear instructions to avoid any mistakes, or vice-versa. I’d view it as helpful rather than a knock on her. The issue may be in how you’ve communicated this to her. Rather than framing it as her making a mistake or being forgetful, try framing it as a friendly reminder or you trying to make the errand as easy as possible for her.

anotherrachel −  INFO: Is she offering to shop for you on her day in the city with friends, or are you requesting it to make your life easier? If she’s going into town to see friends and you’re requesting she run your errands, then YTA. If she’s offered and keeps on forgetting, but doesn’t like being reminded, NTA.

Radiant-Web-3379 −  Info: what are these “errands”, exactly? I don’t think I can really make a judgement without understanding what it is she’s forgetting to do. Is it errands for the household that you generally do because you’re in town? Or is it errands specific to interests or hobbies that are yours alone?

No-Locksmith-8590 −  Info are you verabally asking her? Why don’t *you* text her your list? Edit to NTA bc Op has tried texting and hand writing the list.

nobodynocrime −  NTA if you are being real you spend almost a month every year just commuting, you work 10 hours a day, your wife won’t move closer to your job, but complains that you take your days off to run errands.

This sounds unsustainable in the long term. What does your wife expect? This almost sounds like weaponized incompetence. She has 10 hours to get stuff done and “loses track of time” frequently? With what? I have ADHD and even I would have a hard time losing track of 10 whole hours

Do you think the Redditor was justified in asking their wife to text him about errands, or is it an overreach that undermines her independence? How would you approach a situation where communication about shared responsibilities becomes challenging in a relationship? Share your thoughts below!