AITA – Family movie misunderstanding
Miscommunications can easily escalate into full-blown arguments, especially when family dynamics are involved. One woman found herself in a frustrating situation when a simple misunderstanding about who was supposed to buy movie tickets led to a heated disagreement with her husband.
While she believed her mother-in-law’s offer to “treat” meant she would purchase the tickets, her husband accused her of being at fault for not clarifying. Was she wrong to assume, or was her husband overreacting? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA – Family movie misunderstanding ‘
Expert Opinions
The Psychology of Miscommunication in Families
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes that assumptions are the enemy of clear communication. In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he notes, “Couples often default to blaming instead of problem-solving when stressed. The husband’s anger here reflects a failure to approach the issue as a team.” The MIL’s vague offer (“we will treat”) left room for interpretation, but the husband’s reaction escalated a minor issue into a personal attack.
Gender Roles and Emotional Labor
A 2023 study in Gender & Society highlights that women often bear the “invisible labor” of coordinating family plans, even when tasks are delegated by their partners. Dr. Allison Daminger, a Harvard sociologist, explains, “The husband offloaded responsibility to his wife but still held her accountable for the outcome. This dynamic perpetuates inequality and resentment.”
Gaslighting and Emotional Abuse
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in toxic relationships, warns that gaslighting often starts with disproportionate blame. “Calling someone a ‘b**ch’ over a logistical error is abusive. It shifts focus from resolving the issue to demeaning the partner,” she says in her TED Talk Why Gaslighting is So Dangerous.
Solutions from Experts:
- Clarify Expectations: Use direct language (e.g., “Will you purchase the tickets, or should I?”).
- Address Blame Culture: Gottman recommends “soft startups” (e.g., “I’m upset about the tickets, but let’s figure this out together”).
- Redistribute Emotional Labor: Partners should share responsibilities equitably, not delegate then criticize.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Community Opinions:
Reddit’s response split into three camps, though the majority sided with OP. Critics questioned why OP didn’t double-check ticket logistics sooner, arguing that assuming the MIL would buy them was a “risky move.” However, these voices were drowned out by supporters, who slammed the husband for weaponizing a simple miscommunication. As one user put it, “He’s mad about a sold-out Disney movie? Grow up.” A minority mocked the pettiness of the conflict, likening it to “a soap opera over popcorn,” while others zeroed in on the husband’s failure to handle his own mother: “Why didn’t HE coordinate with her? He’s the AH here.”
This situation highlights how easily miscommunications can escalate, especially when family dynamics are involved. While the writer’s assumption was reasonable, her husband’s reaction was overly critical and unkind. The incident serves as a reminder of the importance of clear communication and the need to approach misunderstandings with empathy rather than blame. What do you think? Was the writer wrong to assume her MIL would buy the tickets, or was her husband overreacting?
If you read it again slowly it says the husband mother texted him and said she wanted to take them all to see moana its on the husbands mother sort it not the daughter in law
So your mother in law, a caoable adult, contacted her son, another capable adult, to offer to take you all out, but somehow it is your responsibility to arrange it all, and your fault when your mother in law also allowed the purchasing to also become your responsibility but didn’t even tell you so (though it sounds like a genuine misunderstanding so I’m researching judgement on her).
First, you’re not a mind reader so this was a misunderstanding and not worthy of blame. Second, you’re also not a servant to your husband or mother in law so I would assert a new boundary of not arranging things other grown adults suggest, and next time it happens just say, with your most casually innocent face ‘That sounds like a great idea! Let me know the date and time when youve booked it and we will see you there!. If you are outright asked to do it, say no – don’t even offer help in the form of booking links or prices. Let them know that the last experience left you feeling upset, disrespected and unjustly blamed for a misunderstanding about a task that wasn’t yours in the first place, so you are not willing, at present, to take the risk that, despite your best efforts, you will end up being blamed and shouted at for something that you had no power over and, I’ll ssy it again, was not and should not have been your responsibility in the first place.
Finally, your husband sucks. Not only did he blame and shame you for a simple misunderstanding, but it was him who casually decided this was a job for you without asking if you wanted it.
Does he lack his limbs/sight/intelligence as if not what’s his excuse for a capable grown ass man not making the arrangements with HIS mum in the first place? I am particularly disturbed that his anger was, apparently, born specifically out of his conviction that you did it on purpose to spite his mum. You’ve got yourself a grade A mama’s boy there. He doesn’t have your back because he’s too busy having his mum’s back and until he can see that too you will ALWAYS be second fiddle to her. If you don’t want your mother in law to have the final say over your whole life then run, run far away, now. She might be lovely but if you disagree on major issues like child rearing practices, will you be ‘allowed’ to raise your children how you want if your mother in law wants it different? Will your husband back you up or is it his mum who will have final say? I would think long and hard about whether you can live with this forever if he doesn’t change his attitude. x