AITA Did I humiliate my wife? Did cross a line? Did I f-up big time?

A Reddit user (46M) doesn’t drink alcohol and is concerned about his wife’s safety after a night of clubbing with her friends. She had a few drinks, and while she insisted on driving her friend home, the user had a gut feeling it would end poorly.

He decided to Uber to his wife’s location, drive the car back, and have her Uber home instead. His wife, however, was furious and said he humiliated her, took away her power, and showed her friends she couldn’t behave responsibly. Now, the user feels guilty and wonders if he made a huge mistake. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA Did I humiliate my wife? Did cross a line? Did I f-up big time?’

Note: I am 46M and do not drink alcohol….ever! My wife (41f) has only a few friends. She has had a very stressful few weeks. She has always prided herself on being the strong one, the decisive one, the one who can take cae of herself….and she is all those things.

So, her Friends (F1 49F, and F2 38F) decided to go clubbing tonight. Wife drove to F1’s house and they ubered to downtown club. Drinks, dancing, girl talk, I am sure ensued. All in all, a fantastic time was being had (she called me a couple of times, and I was so happy she was happy). She had had 3 or 4 to drink (not sure what). She was insisting on driving F2 home when she returned….she normally does this.

This time I had a strong enough intuition that this would end in trouble, the serious kind. So I messaged her, said that I would uber to F1’s house and drive the car back and she should uber.. So I did. She was more livid than I have ever seen before. She said that I insulted her, humiliated her, took her power, and proved to everyone else that I do not trust her, and that I showed her friends that she is a drunk and cannot behave herself.

It is 4:30 am and she is sobbing in her room….and I can’t help bit think I totally f-ed up. She has driven in worse situations, and she was not as drunk as I thought. She feels sooooo humiliated, and my heart is crumbling. Damn it, why do I keep messing up like this…why can’t I grow up from a man child. TLDR: My wife went out clubbing and drinking with her friends, amd I drove her car back afraid she would get in an accident, and says I humiliated her completely!!.

Edit after she woke up: Ok, so she finally woke up a little while ago. I took some snacks and something to drink (tea…lol)…and we talked for a bit. Right off the bat, she apologized for her behavior last night. I simply told her what a lot of advice here has asked me to…..”I don’t care how mad you get, I would rather than arranging for your body to go to a funeral home….or anyone else for that matter.

I then asked her what I should tell our kids in that scenario, and if she can do that….do whatever the f she wanted. I MIGHT have been better at how I handled it, but I am not at all sorry for what I did….and that no more of this DD nonsense…like it or not” That was pretty much word for word.

Apparently there was something going on between the friends as well…some drunk nonsense between them). I told her I couldn’t care less, and doesn’t jusify her behavior. I didn’t address how many drinks, how far apart, and all that, because it jist doesn’t matter. That is pretty much it…she heard, and I think listened as well. I will not let this happen again….the stories I have read on here….soul shaking!

As to the many people who have spoken of problems in marriage, yes there are. You are very kind…I am in no way perfect. I know the crying was just a trigger….trauma from her past that surfaces every now and then…when she was powerless, socially, financially, mentally. It keeps coming back.

There was another group that talked about growing a spine, and getting my.balls out from her purse…lol. There is some truth to that, and I will work on that as well. I thank you all SO very much from the bottom of my heart…every comment has helped, every thought has had an impact.. Thank you.

Final update at the end of this post. Found out that she had. 4 shots of tequila + 2 or 3 drinks.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

CrazyMinute69 −  Nta. Your wife is still drunk. Let her cry it off and reassess the situation in the morning. You did the right thing. Her getting a DuI she’d be a lot more upset if that were the case.

Mother_Search3350 −  DUI is fucked up and irresponsible. It’s not a show of ‘strength’, it’s not a way to show off independence.. It’s criminal behavior . Its dangerous. It’s life threatening to herself and other innocent people on the road. Your wife is a monumental AH and a POS if she is upset that you did not allow her to drink and drive after a night at the club.

Fragrant-Reserve4832 −  It’s 430 she’s drunk as f**k and was going to drive.. F**k that NTA. Drunk drivers kill people.

emryldmyst −  Nta. She needs to grow the f**k up. It is never ok to drink and drive.

vrfm89 −  Oh she should meet a friend of mine! They’d get along so well! Oh no wait she can’t, he’s dead, because he was killed by a drunk driver. hth.

Johnthegiant1 −  NTA. Tldr: A 41 year old woman throwing a tantrum after being told she’s not allowed to drive after drinking. You absolutely didn’t cross any line.

Kragg_hack −  DUI is not something to joke about, she could have killed someone and then spent years is prison just be “girl pooooower”. You did not mess up, your wife did the moment she even suggested to drink and drive.
So when she wakes up tomorrow she should apologise for HER behaviour. She should be thankful for having such a caring and responsible husband that stopped her from making a huge mistake.

And when she goes out again, she should never ever take the car again. And if she tries to blame you, never ever take any blame for this. You did the a 100% correct thing and any bad feelings are her fault and no-one else.

BeMandalorTomad −  NTA. She can pride herself on being strong and decisive when she’s making strong and wise decisions. A DUI would have been a better outcome than some of the other very possible outcomes. Most *fatal* accidents happen within 25 miles from home. You didn’t take her power away; you took away a huge risk to herself and to everyone else on the road. I’m appalled that she’s throwing a fit over this.

ShrappleThwack −  Your wife was willing to put other peoples lives at risk and then broke down in a drunken tantrum at 4:30am and you ask the world if you’re the AH? Dude you potentially saved lives including those of your wife and her friends and she should be grateful that you had the consideration to do so. You’re wife is a HUUUUGE AH

Scary_Recover_3712 −  A mile and a half in suburbia…I knew a guy who drove about that, empty streets, rural town, so really empty streets. In that mile and a half, he managed to wreck and kill both his younger sisters. He over-corrected when an animal ran in front of him, flipped, and that was it. He walked away.

Another friend, same situation. They were in the city about 45 minutes away. But going to stay at someone’s house in the suburbs, so no driving home. Short trip from the bars to the house. They made it a mile down the road before they misjudged the stopping distance, clipped another car spun out, jumped the curb, and she suffered a TBI. Last I heard, she was still learning to talk properly and would never have a family, which was all she ever talked about.

But yeah, you keep thinking that mile and a half of empty street is safe. And she can keep sobbing about how you took away all her so-called “power” and disrespected her. I’ll tell my friend who tried to off himself several times after the d**th of his sister’s she thinks it’s disrespectful having someone care about them. And I’ll let my other friend know she’s a strong and powerful woman who isn’t oppressed by a caring person, as she struggles to talk, walk, and do basic functions. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to hear that.

Your wife is a massive a-hole, and you’re bordering on one for that freaking edit. I’m so pissed over this reddit rn I’m going to get off and go see if my friends are doing okay. Your wife sucks and I’m close to getting banned if I say anymore.. Edit: a word.