AITA buying my step-daughter a used bridesmaid dress?

The user is getting married soon and decided to buy her step-daughter Kiki a used bridesmaid dress she found online for a fraction of the original price. Kiki was upset that she would not have a brand new dress like the other bridesmaids.

The user explained that she is still providing new accessories and covering hair and makeup costs. While the user feels justified in her decision, some family members think she should buy Kiki the new dress. read the original story below…

‘ AITA buying my step-daughter a used bridesmaid dress?’

I’m getting married in December of this year. I am bringing 2 daughters into this marriage. They’re 8 & 12. My fiance has a daughter from a previous marriage as well, Kiki (15). All 3 girls are in my wedding party, with Kiki as a bridesmaid.

I’m letting all of my bridal party pick out their dresses, with the condition they’re all the same color and within a certain budget. I’m also paying for all of them. Kiki sent me a link to the dress she liked and I thought it was pretty.

I planned on ordering it once I had the other members of the wedding party sending me what they wanted. I was scrolling on Facebook one night and one of the buy/sell groups I’m apart of showed the dress that Kiki sent me. It was only used once in a wedding and is in perfect condition.

You can’t even tell it was worn before. It also so happened to be in her size. So, I figured it’d be cheaper to buy this as it’s a dress she’ll likely also wear once and never again. The dress new online is $200. The person was selling it for $50 and just wanted it gone. I’ve seen the dress in person.

No stains, no smells. Truly a steal. So, I bought it. When I told Kiki, she got mad and said she was the only one not getting a brand new dress. I pointed out I’m still getting her new shoes, accessories (again all of her choice), have alternations done to the dress as needed, she’ll have her hair and makeup done with us.

If I found any other member of the bridal party’s dress in a similar condition and cheaper price in a Facebook group or a thrift store, I’d buy it. As it is, I’m spending about a grand on dresses for the 5 members of my bridal party. If I can save a little money, I will.

Kiki wants me to buy her the brand new dress. I spoke with my fiance and he agrees with me. We told Kiki if she wants the dress brand new, she can pay the difference. She’s still upset with us. Other members of my husband’s family feels I’m being a cheap ass and should just buy the dress new. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Doktor_Seagull −  YTA Your reasoning was totally sound. Weddings are expensive so save where you can. The dress you found is in like-new condition and the correct size. Like you said a total steal. Too late now but why did you inform Kiki you found it used? Did she really need to know?

She obviously feels singled out by her stepmom to be. Everyone else is getting a new dress, and she gets a used one. Then instead of seeing her position you tell her she can pay $150 to get a new dress.

I get you are being practical, but this isn’t a great start to fostering a good relationship between you and Kiki. You coldly disregarded her feeling excluded.

GnomieOk4136 −  Okay, I am a thrifty person. My own wedding dress was also used, so I absolutely support that. **However**, in this particular situation, YTA. You are blending families. This child is already stressed out and worried about what is coming.

This makes her feel less important than your daughters and makes her fear for what the future holds. That really sucks for her.

Rohini_rambles −  Buy her the new dress OR make sure you go and buy used dresses for your daughters. Simple. Otherwise you’re just singling her out as less-than and her father should really assess whether this marriage is right. 

JustAGirl704 −  Is $150 worth the relationship between you and your step daughter? If it is to you, then go ahead. People remember how you make them feel. She will remember for the rest of her life how s**tty you make her feel. And over $150? Pst

Laines_Ecossaises −  YTA You are thinking like an adult trying to save some money instead of a 15 year old. I mean you are leaning right into the Cinderella evil step-mother trope. Giving your 2 girls new things and she gets used, good-enough, thrifted clothes.

I get the urge to save some bucks but you’ve made Kiki feel like she’s less-than and that sucks and is a really crappy way to start a marriage and your step-parenting relationship.

sheramom4 −  YTA. You want your new stepdaughter to be excited for this wedding and to feel like she is part of the family? Then buy her a new dress. You tipped the scales on the AH behavior when you told her that she could pay the difference between a new and used dress.

You told her she could get the dress she wanted within a certain budget and then when she has selected and was excited about it you decided that used was okay. Again, do you want her to be excited and welcoming? Do you even want her to attend?

Cool-change-1994 −  You would not be the A H for being thrifty. But YTA for being so dismissive of how this feels to her. Even when lots of people here are telling you, it feels like you’re glossing over it.

You could’ve asked her to look at and consider the dress before purchasing, you could have offered to get her something nice with a bit of the money saved.
But – how did you manage to find the exact dress in the perfect size on the big ol’ internet? Pretty sure you went searching high and low for it

yachtiewannabe −  You can be right but still wrong.

social_reclusive −  “No stains, no smells” for step daughter and brand new for bio daughters. Regardless of cost, that’s fucked up.

Is the user being frugal and practical, or is she being inconsiderate by not providing her step-daughter with a brand new dress for the wedding? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!