AITA because I went on my honeymoon without my brand new wife since she “had” to take care of her sister?
When honeymoon plans go awry due to unexpected family obligations, emotions can run high—sometimes to the point where one partner feels forced to take drastic measures. Our OP, a 40‑year‑old woman, recently got married to her husband of two months, and they had planned a long-anticipated honeymoon together. However, her husband’s family dynamics quickly complicated things. Her new wife, Tonya, is deeply devoted to her sister, Marie,
who recently had a premature baby during the wedding reception. Despite having nonrefundable honeymoon tickets and ample vacation time booked, Tonya chose to stay with her sister to care for the newborn in the NICU. Feeling left behind and frustrated that the investment in their honeymoon would be wasted, the OP decided to go on the honeymoon alone, enjoying all the romantic perks that were originally meant for the couple.
Now that she’s back, her husband is upset that she chose to leave him on his own—and while her friends support her decision to not let money go to waste, her wife’s friends argue that her actions were selfish. The question remains: Am I the asshole for wanting my husband to move away (or accept divorce) because I refuse to share our honeymoon and our life with his children and extended family obligations?
‘AITA because I went on my honeymoon without my brand new wife since she “had” to take care of her sister?’
Experts emphasize that when foundational expectations about a relationship are not met, the emotional fallout can be severe. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship dynamics, notes,
“If both partners entered a relationship with a mutual understanding—such as a childfree or low-family-obligation lifestyle—then a sudden imposition of extra responsibilities can feel like a breach of that agreement. In such cases, it is perfectly acceptable for one partner to reassert their needs, even if it means considering separation.” (kidshealth.org)
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “Blended families are complex, and while it’s important for partners to accommodate each other’s needs, there must be a balance. If one partner’s obligations—whether they involve children or extended family—start to overshadow the agreed-upon life plan, it’s natural for the other partner to seek a different arrangement that protects their emotional well-being.”
These experts concur that the OP’s decision, while drastic, is rooted in a longstanding misalignment of life goals. When the reality of shared domestic responsibilities begins to erode the quality of your personal life and the time you spend together, it is reasonable to re-evaluate the relationship. The OP’s reaction is not necessarily about rejecting the children per se, but about refusing to compromise on the lifestyle she was promised and that she values deeply.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Many redditors empathize with the OP, noting that if you signed up for a particular lifestyle with clear expectations, it’s understandable to feel betrayed when those expectations are radically changed. “If you agreed on a childfree or low-family dynamic, you’re allowed to want to keep it that way,” one commenter said.
Ultimately, the OP’s decision to break away—whether by asking her husband to move out during his children’s custody periods or by considering divorce—stems from a deep sense of betrayal and a longing for the life she was promised. While many understand the need for compromise in blended families, others agree that if you entered a relationship with a specific vision in mind, it’s not unreasonable to insist on that lifestyle.
Do you think it’s fair to end a relationship when your fundamental life expectations are continuously overridden by unexpected obligations? Or is there still room for compromise and communication in such complex family dynamics? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in the OP’s shoes?