AITA because I don’t take care of my sisters?

A 15-year-old girl has taken on a motherly role for her two younger sisters, aged 10 and 4, for years. She cooks for them, helps with homework, and cares for them when they’re sick, all while managing her own school responsibilities. Her mother treats her more like a nanny than a daughter, blaming her if the sisters misbehave and expecting her to prioritize their needs over her own.

This overwhelming burden has caused her to fail assignments, leading her to start ignoring her mom’s demands. Her mother now lashes out at her, but the teen feels she needs to prioritize her own life. read the original story below…

‘ AITA because I don’t take care of my sisters?’

I (15f) have been taking care of my little sisters (10 & 4 years old) for as long I can remember. If they were hungry, I feed them, if they need help with work I helped them, if they were sick I took care of them, etc.. I’ve essentially been their mother. I never complained about it since I love them.

Now my mom doesn’t see me as 1 of her daughters but as their nanny. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing if they need something, she sends them to me. She yells at me if I don’t make them dinner. She blames me if they misbehave, and she expects me to put my homework aside to help them do theirs.

It’s gotten to a point where I’ve failed assignments because I was busy watching my sisters. Now I simply ignore my mom when she calls me to deal with them, which makes very upset to the point where she storms into my room and curses me out.

I understand as an older sibling I have the responsiblity of taking care them it feels like too much of the parenting is on me. I don’t want to think of my mom as a bad person but I have to put my priorities first, right? AITA

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

MissAnth −  I understand as an older sibling I have the responsiblity of taking care them. You understand incorrectly. You do not have responsibility for children you did not create. Your mother made these children. She is responsible for taking care of them.

Also their father is responsible, no matter what his situation with your mother. You are **not** responsible. NTA. Start getting prepared to embark on your own life and living your life for yourself. Stash any money that you get where your mother can’t find it.

Get your documents together and protect and hide them. Your birth certificate, your license/ID when you get one, your passport if you have one. Just slowly do this over the next 3 years. Then leave when you are able.

extinct_diplodocus −  I don’t want to think of my mom as a bad person. You might as well do so. She’s gotten so used to you helping that she (and you) now considers it as an obligation and your refusal as mutiny. She needs to know that you’re done being the parent, and it’s somebody else’s turn.

Your mother is an adult. She should be tending to *all* her children, and you’re one of them. Meanwhile, you need to realize that being a mother is not your obligation, regardless of your love for your siblings.

Aggressive_Cattle320 −  NTA. They are your siblings, NOT your children. Mom is failing in her responsibility as a parent! Sure, with a large family, everyone pitches in from time to time if there is an emergency or if time is of the essence.

But taking care of the children’s day to day needs are parental responsibilities and do NOT belong to you. Yes, you do have to put your own needs in life as top priority because while you are looking after your siblings, who is looking out for YOU? I’ll bet it’s not your mom!

Next time it happens, just tell her that you have your own tasks and work and responsibilities you have to take care of. Remind her that the things she is yelling at your for, or blaming you for, are things SHE should be doing!!! If she couldn’t handle 5 children, she shouldn’t have had 5 children.

Mom needs to step up to the plate and take responsibility for her own children instead of farming out responsibilities of that to her older children.

lmmontes −  Yes, your studies come first. especially since you need to get all the scholarships you can and get out of there. Or job prepped to get a good one and move out. Take care of yourself! NTA in any way. Your sisters are HER responsibility.

serranimo −  /NTA You are a child, it is your moms responsibility to take care of you ALL. Just bc you are older does not change the fact that you are still a child and you also need to taken care of.

Your mom may not be a bad person but it is very easy for people to just run away from the responsibility if someone else is taking it. I hope she gets it together. You should try to communicate your needs to her. If she is not engaging, simply stop doing her job.

Eventually she is going to have to do them herself bc complaining/getting angry with you is not going to sort stuff out. I am sorry you have to go through the guilt tripping but you got to put yourself first. It does not mean you do not love your siblings.

LowBalance4404 −  NTA. You are not the third parent. Your mom decided to have children and she needs to take care of them. Look up “parentification” because that is what is happening here.

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. What you are experiencing is a form of child abuse known as Parentification. Your mom is abusing you. Storming into your room and cursing you out while prioritizing your siblings over you is not something a good mother does.

Forcing you to be her unpaid nanny is not what a good mother does. She is toxic. Is there somewhere else you can live? Maybe grandparents? What is dad doing in all of this? You are in an a**sive relationship. The best solution is to get out. The second best is to involve another adult who can help with mom and her unhealthy expectations.

SliceEquivalent825 −  NTA.She does this to you because she can and you have gone along with it. Can you sit her down and let her know that you can no longer do this as your school work is suffering? Is your mom a single parent? You may want to talk to your dad and enlist his help.

PrairieGrrl5263 −  NTA. OP your mother is abusing you by forcing you to parent your siblings. Please talk to trusted adults around about how your mother has parentified you. The advice to talk to your teachers and school counselor is excellent advice. Please consider it.

In the meantime, limit the time you spend at home. Do your homework at the local library or a coffee shop. Spend time with your friends. Get an after school job. Be anywhere other than at home where you’re forced to parent your siblings.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. It seems like your voluntary responses that were based on your love for your younger siblings have morphed into paternal duties on your part. For your sake, and for theirs, you need to resist that.

Should older siblings be expected to sacrifice their own well-being for family, or does this cross the line into unfair parentification? Share your thoughts below!