AITA backing out of all social events because 1 person I don’t like is there?

A Redditor shared their decision to back out of social events because a person they dislike, Ellie, has become part of their friend group. Despite explaining their discomfort, the user has faced criticism for avoiding group plans, with some friends accusing them of being childish. Read the full story below to understand their perspective.

‘ AITA backing out of all social events because 1 person I don’t like is there?’

Throwaway for privacy. I need a truly impartial judgement because everyone I’ve asked has some skin in the game and is mixed on view.

I (25F) don’t like this girl Ellie (28F). I also work with her, at one of my two jobs (important for later). I think she’s annoying, wayyyy too performative and I’ve also caught her telling random lies to our coworkers. I don’t like being around her and only interact with her at work if I have to.

Me and my group of friends were out at a bar a few months ago and Ellie coincidentally was there. She walked over to me to say hi and is now part of my friendship group. All of my friends know how I feel about her, have heard her crazy behaviour at work and why I don’t like to be around her. However, the majority of them like her (we’re a group of 9) and she’s been embraced.

Ellie is a part of our group chat. Most of the time when we make plans, she comes too. I brushed it off the first couple of times but now I’ve decided not to go to anything where she’s also coming. Because I work two jobs, I only have 1 day off a week/fortnight it varies depending on shift patterns. I really value that time and decided I don’t want to waste it being around someone I don’t like. I’ve never tried to play the hand of me being in the group first or issuing an ultimatum to pick one of us, I just decline and sit at home.

As a result, I see my friends about once a month instead of a few times a week (after work when I have energy or on my day off) because I don’t want to see Ellie for 8 hours where I can’t stand her and then proceed to be in her presence for the rest of my evening. Everyone in the friend group has picked up on it and constantly invite me to plans where Ellie is also attendinng but I keep my stance firm and decline.

My two friends who like her the most, Grace and Jess, are calling me childish and say I’m forcing them to choose between us but I insist I’m not and I’m happy staying at home (I really am, I can’t stand Ellie). They keep calling me to change my mind, even created a separate chat to talk about it but I don’t budge and they think I’m being an a**hole about it and I should just be a bigger person and go anyway. AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

LoveBeach8 −  NTA. But maybe you’re not explaining it well enough for them to understand. Try something like this: “Sorry but if you had just spent 8 hours working with someone you don’t really care for, would you like to then go out after work and spend another several hours with them? I don’t get a day off from my two jobs very often so it feels good to stay home and relax and totally get away from work.” ETA: You could always select a few of your friends to invite over or to go hang out with. You don’t always have to be with all 9 of them, do you?

Milkweedhugger −  I’m in a similar situation unfortunately. You’re NTA. But I must warn you: you will lose everyone in your friend group because of this. They will eventually stop inviting you out, and will forget all about you. Out of sight, out of mind. You may be okay with this now, but it will inevitably make you bitter and resentful.

OldPresentation3437 −  You don’t have an Ellie problem; you’ve already dealt with that effectively. You have a Grace and Jess problem. It’s time to start calling them out on it and making them feel uncomfortable for pushing your boundaries.

“This isn’t about making you choose between us. I’ve already told you it doesn’t bother me to stay home. It sounds like YOU’RE the ones with the problem right now. I’ve made my desire clear, so I would appreciate you not pushing my boundaries. Our relationship is none of your business.”

Any further discussion about this, you should refer back to that conversation: “As per what I’ve already told you, please stop trying to meddle in my personal autonomy.” If they don’t get the “hint,” it may be time to consider putting distance between you and them, too.

Maximum-Ear1745 −  INFO – why do you have to hang out as a group? Why can’t you catch up with people one on one, or in smaller groups?

Character-Blueberry −  NTA. I’ve had a coworker before that would do similar s**t (fake, tell lies, just unbearable to be around, only plus was everyone else hated them too) and if they became part of my circle, I’d definitely show up to less things. If people wanna be mad then they can be mad.

Some people just don’t click, and that’s fine. I totally agree, why should you spend your limited free time around someone you don’t like? If your friends really miss you that much, they can ask you on a smaller coffee date. You don’t always have to hangout in a giant group.

FarrenFlayer89 −  NTA, sounds like they knew exactly how you felt about Ellie and still let her in, they’ve already chosen her over you sorry, cut them loose and live drama free.

saintandvillian −  NTA. These people aren’t your friends. Friends don’t become friends with someone you dislike, try to force the disliked person on you, and then try to b**ly you into putting up with their unfriendly behavior.
Don’t sit at home while they are out with Ellie. Use that time to find a new friend group.

Friendly_Fall_ −  Your friend group just picked up this rando at a bar knowing about her b**lshit? Get new friends.

ouijabore −  NTA. Can you make the plans more going forward? And just invite a few of the group each time, not all, so you still see your friends? & it sounds like you’re being mature about this. You’re not showing up and causing a scene where she is, or badmouthing her – you’re not friends and that’s fine and you’re simply staying away from her.  Ask your friends who their least favorite coworker is, and if they would want to spend *more* time with them after they’ve already been forced to work together 8+ hours a day. 

AbjectMagazine9826 −  You need a new group of friends. They willingly accepted that you have issues with this chick & they decided as a group to include her in y’all’s group. Sounds like they do not respect you & you should seriously consider your friendship with all of them. I would expect a friend to not invite someone I have a personal problem with to hang out with my group of friends. You should expect the same as well.