AITA? Asking particularly for MEN’s opinions, as per the husband’s request?
Eight weeks after giving birth, when you’re still healing from a C‑section and caring for a 1.5‑year‑old toddler, every extra hour of sleep can feel like gold. For one new mom, the reality is far from restful. While she’s been on three months of unpaid maternity leave—juggling her recovery and full days with her little ones—the situation at home has grown increasingly stressful. With the hired nanny leaving by early evening, she finds herself shouldering nearly all nighttime responsibilities.
Meanwhile, her husband, who works from home and earns much less than she does, has been indulging in multiple social outings—even scheduling an extended bachelor trip. Now, his plan to attend a double birthday party in NYC this Friday has sparked a heated debate over what it means to be a supportive partner during the crucial postpartum period. Is it reasonable to expect him to cut back on late nights for the sake of family recovery?
‘AITA? Asking particularly for MEN’s opinions, as per the husband’s request?’
According to Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert at Aha! Parenting, “A strong partnership is built on mutual support, especially during the vulnerable postpartum period. When one partner overcommits socially and leaves the other to shoulder most of the parenting responsibilities, it creates an imbalance that can seriously undermine both recovery and relationship harmony.”
Dr. Markham emphasizes that sleep is not a luxury but a necessity for new mothers—especially those managing mental health challenges postpartum. She explains, “Adequate rest is critical to recovery from major surgery like a C‑section and for regulating mood. If one partner is consistently absent during the night, it not only affects the mother’s well‑being but also sets a precedent that may erode the shared responsibilities essential in parenting.”
She further points out that even if the father believes he’s compensating by being home during the day, the real challenge is the nighttime when support is most needed. “It’s about quality of support, not just quantity of hours at home,” she notes. “When late nights leave your partner exhausted and irritable, the entire family feels the ripple effects.”
Finally, Dr. Markham advises couples to engage in honest dialogue about expectations and to consider temporary adjustments during the early months of parenthood. “Even if networking or social events are important, sometimes it’s essential for one partner to prioritize the immediate needs of the family over personal engagements,” she says.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Across the board, community members agree that during the postpartum period—when the mother is recovering from major surgery and caring for very young children—support from both partners is non-negotiable. Many express strong disapproval of a partner who prioritizes social events over shared responsibilities, emphasizing that true partnership means sacrificing some personal time to help ease the burden on the other.
While a few voices suggest that a balance can be struck, the prevailing sentiment is that the husband’s current level of social engagement is both selfish and unsustainable. The general consensus is clear: in the early months of parenthood, both partners need to pull their weight to ensure the health and well-being of the entire family.
Ultimately, this postpartum predicament isn’t about restricting social outings altogether; it’s about ensuring that both partners contribute equally during one of the most demanding phases of parenthood. With a new baby and a toddler under two, the balance of responsibilities becomes critical—not only for recovery but for maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.
Your husband’s recent promises to curb his late nights are a step in the right direction, but what does true partnership look like in times like these? What would you do if you found yourself facing similar challenges? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation!