Aita and too sensitive when my hub uses “girl” to tease our sons?

A Reddit user shares a moment from a family holiday activity where her husband jokingly called one of their sons a “girl” as a playful jab during a round of lighthearted teasing. While the kids and husband laughed it off, the user took offense, expressing that using “girl” as an insult reinforces negative stereotypes.

Her husband dismissed her concern, saying, “Don’t be so sensitive; we’re guys. This is what we do.” She wonders if she’s overreacting or if her feelings about protecting her gender and avoiding harmful language are valid. Read the full story below.

‘ Aita and too sensitive when my hub uses “girl” to tease our sons?’

My (46F) husband (M50) and I have three sons, ages 14, 9, 9. We were setting up Christmas decorations and having a good time. The kids were going back and forth, teasing their dad and each other with roasts. It’s not my favorite. (I actually hate it, but when everyone else is laughing and not taking it seriously, I let it go…)

Then my husband called one of the boys a girl as a jab. Everyone else laughed. I said, “Honey! No!!” He said, “what?!?” I said, “don’t use my gender as an insult!” He said, “don’t be so sensitive. We are guys. This is what we do!”

So, am I overly sensitive? No one else was bothered. But I feel like being female is a beautiful thing and while they may be guys, I’m not. And he chose to marry a not-guy. So why should it be an insult? And there is so much hate and disparagement in the world…why teach our sons to belittle any feature?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Low-Fly238 −  Ask him exactly what it is about being a girl that is so negative to him. He’s probably never thought about it and you’re right to question it.

wiltedwonderful −  I hate gendered insults with a passion and for people to direct it at children (encouraging children to use the same insults on their friends) really grinds my gears! NTAH.

No-Tone-3543 −  My husband tried this when our oldest was very small and I stopped it right away. I’m glad I did because now we have three kids and only one is a little girl.

She already makes comments trying to be like her brothers to sort of fit in but my oldest does a good job of telling her it’s “cool” she’s a girl that she’s not different but special. As a woman who did everything to avoid being “girly” because it was viewed as a weakness in my family don’t let him instill that in your boys. You’re definitely NTA.

TheVaneja −  NTA that is straight up misogyny. Using girls as an insult to boys inherently implies boys are better than girls. I’d put my foot down on this to prevent my sons becoming assholes. ETA A lot of people trying to dismiss this as ‘it’s that they’re being called something they aren’t not that being a girl is insulting’.

All of those people are dense as a rock. See what I did there? I called them something they aren’t without referring to gender. A boy ‘isn’t’ a billion billion different things, why is girl the go to insult? Get out of here with your b**lshit misogyny.

FantasticCabinet2623 −  NTA. Next time he does it, ask him what exactly is wrong with being a girl. Make him explain his misogyny.

efeskar −  NTA. “that’s just what men do”… No, that’s what mysogynist men do.

[Reddit User] −  It’s these seemingly innocuous “boys will be boys” type “jokes” that are the foundation of much bigger issues. It needs to change for everybody’s sake.

bogo0814 −  I read your update & maybe you skipped over the conversation with your husband where he acknowledged your feelings as valid, understood why you were upset at having your gender denigrated, & promised to do better, but until that happens he is NOT pouring his best into your boys.

He is pouring misogyny, sexism, & toxic masculinity into your boys. I’m not saying “DIVORCE”, but I am saying “stop making excuses for him because it’s not going to stop & all your sons will learn is that women/girls are less than”.

Ink-kink − I don’t think OP is being too sensitive for not wanting to instill those kinds of values in her sons. Words do matter; they have power.

I’m all for humor and fun, and I believe you can joke about anything if you’re smart about it. But there’s a difference between jokes and attacks on values. The latter requires a clear consensus of irony if you’re going to joke about it.

Auroraburst −  NTA. Just like using the word “gay” to mean l**e (which kids still do) this is not ok. It either creates the worst kind of adult male who is toxic or it gives men insecurities about showing emotion. My partner HATES his father because he was quite feminine growing up and copped s**t from him.

Is the user being too sensitive for wanting to challenge a casual joke rooted in gender stereotypes, or is it fair to ask her husband to avoid using “girl” as an insult? How should families balance humor and respect in everyday interactions? Share your perspectives below!