AITA am I TA for refusing my moms offer of help while I recover from a post concussion syndrome?

A Redditor, recovering from post-concussion syndrome, shared their experience of refusing their mother’s offer to stay at her home for care during the holidays. Despite needing help, the Redditor prioritized their medical needs and asked their mother to return their son home instead. Tensions rose as the mother accused them of being selfish, leading to guilt and self-doubt. Read the full story below to decide if their actions were justified.

‘ AITA am I TA for refusing my moms offer of help while I recover from a post concussion syndrome?’

I’m currently still in the hospital, very dizzy so there will be typos. I 30F had a bad fall a week ago and couldn’t go to hospital because my six year old couldn’t be left alone and waiting times for ED can be 10-16 hrs long here to even be seen. So I powered through the pain and dizziness until I collapsed and started vomiting.

My husband couldnt get time off work as this is his busiest week of the year. He did his best and his employer tried to help but corporate deadlines cant be moved. Our only option was to call my parents who live 3 hrs away to pick up my 6M and care for him while I go into hospital. They came picked him up and I was admitted a few days ago.

Now I will be released by the weekend but I am quite unwell. I’m to be strictly on bed rest, the world is still spinning, it could take a few weeks to recover so I called my mom to ask if they could drive my son back home on Sunday.
To which she responded with insisting I come over instead and spend the holidays there because “I need care and put myself first not the silly holidays”.

Outside of having clear medical NO to me travelling anywhere, much less three hours away fro my hospital and doctor, she has been badgering about this for the month leading up to my hospitalisation and the entire time during she would send messages like “we’re waiting for you on the weekend, maybe you will recover by the weekend,”.

When o said No I cannot do this, if you want to help please can you drive my son back so my husband doesn’t have to take a 3hr train there to pick him up and then a 3hr train back she said “well if you’re such heroes with your husband then he can bring him while you stay home alone since your okay to care for you.”

I told her I feel like she is manipulating my illness to get the holidays with me and my son that she wanted all month but she snapped at me and said “you’re so selfish, I can’t believe even now you think this of me when all I did was help you, so this is what you’re really like”. Then i hung up and I haven’t spoken to her just crying in the ward now. I need to know if I am TA for refusing her help here and being unreasonable as she said I was?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

HoochyDoo −  Let me get this straight. Mom is 3hrs away. You are bedridden and told not to travel by a DOCTOR . Mom said if you don’t wanna come then don’t but your spouse and kid can?. Your mom doesn’t like you.

I live in a different state than my kid and if he was in your shoes I would do everything in my power to make things easier for him, not more stressful. If Mom really wanted to help, she would still be at your house with your kid, not 3 hrs away so that hubby has no choice but to spend 6 hours on a train, half with a 6yr. You are literally in the hospital right now, and she’s manipulating your brain injury (that is what you have) to get her way.

She is not helping, she isn’t even offering help, if it was help it would make it easier for you, not more stressful. As a mom here’s a hug boo, I hope you feel better soon, bare minimum the room stops spinning soon (I hate that). Stand your ground, if Mom needs to be with yall so bad for the holidays, then she can travel as you cannot. Does hubby really wanna spend the holiday with his in-laws without you?

RitaTeaTree −  I think your husband’s job is TA for not giving him time off work for a medical emergency for his wife where he should be looking after your child and supporting you.

PsychologicalMeal139 −  NTA you are prioritizing your health and there isn’t nothing wrong with your request. She is trying to leverage that on you. Although, she isn’t responsible to bring your child back and forth your husband has to do that. But help is requested not enforced.

diminishingpatience −  NTA. She isn’t offering to help: help would be what you want, not what she wants.

dncrmom −  ESH who exactly is going to watch your child the next 2-3 weeks while you are on bed rest recovering? Either your husband needs to take those weeks off to be a father & caregiver or you should leave your child in your parents care. You are not able to care for your child & need to prioritize healing yourself!

Icy_Cardiologist8444 −  NTA. I’m guessing this isn’t the first time your mother has been m**ipulative in order to try and get her way. She is incredibly out of line for asking you to travel 3 hours against doctor’s orders, just so you can do what she wants. As you said, she started this a month ago and is now using your illness as a way to get what she wants, which is unacceptable.

My suggestion is this: Talk to your doctors and see if one of them is willing to talk to your mother. Have them explain that you cannot travel and that it is also not a good idea for you to be left alone. I would probably have them add that all of the stress from her actions is causing your recovery to be set back because it is just adding to all of the issues you’re already having. Granted, I’m assuming that last part is true, but stress of any kind cannot be good for you at this point.

All that being said, make sure you take the time you need to recover. Get your son back, block your mother, and have the best Christmas you can under these circumstances. I hope that you feel better soon and that your mother realizes the world doesn’t revolve around her.

quick_justice −  NTA. But… corporate deadlines can’t be moved??? Really?? What would the precious corporation do if your husband dropped dead before corporate deadlines? Called a voodoo medic to reanimate him?
His company didn’t help. S**ew employers like that…

SparkleDomiMilf −  NTA
Traumatic brain injuries are very serious. I had one 2.5 years ago and am still recovering… Prioritize your health.

TypicalAddendum5799 −  NTA 100%. I’m 63, as soon as you told me you fell, I would be on my way to you. I would have stayed in your house & watched your son, cleaned your house, bought food, & cooked hot meals for you & your family. What is wrong with your mother? IMO, she would not see us for a very long time & would never get to spend Christmas with my son.

chrestomancy −  NTA. You asked for help when you had few other options, and your parents gave it. But they didn’t give it without strings attached. You can’t stop your parents trying to manipulate you. They will do what they do, and you put yourself in a weak position by needing their help. But you don’t have to give in, either. You can’t travel, to them or anywhere else. If they won’t return your child, your husband will go pick him up. Good luck in your recovery, it sounds like it will be really hard work with a child to look after.