A Tinder experiment with my [28M] girlfriend [27F] of 3 years has gone horribly wrong.

A Redditor shared their experience of a Tinder experiment they conducted with their girlfriend of 3 years. The couple decided to set up Tinder profiles for each other to see how they would fare. The Redditor, who had previously struggled to get matches, saw the typical lack of success, while their girlfriend received many matches, including from attractive guys.

This experience opened their girlfriend’s eyes to the differences in online dating dynamics. However, since then, she’s become more distant, less affectionate, and more closed off. When the Redditor tried to address the issue, she vaguely acknowledged that the Tinder experiment might have contributed but remained evasive. Now, they’re wondering if their relationship is doomed or if there’s a way to salvage it. Read the original story below…

‘ A Tinder experiment with my [28M] girlfriend [27F] of 3 years has gone horribly wrong.’

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years and thereabouts, and all was going pretty well. I met her IRL, but before that I was having no success with the Tinder game. She, herself, never used it ever.. 2 weeks ago, she was telling me about some of her friends’ horror stories on Tinder, and I laughed with her and added “Tinder’s way worse for guys, though”.

She didn’t believe me when I told her most guys get 0 matches, and I wouldn’t either. So we decided to play (what seemed at the time) a fun game : set up Tinder profiles of each other and see what happened. And the obvious happened: after one week, I had pretty much no matches except bots.

On the other hand, she was bombarded with matches and messages, quite a few of them from pretty attractive guys (or at least, what I judge to be attractive guys, a lot of them probably more than me). She admitted I was right and that it was an “eye opener”. We agreed to shut down our profiles.

The problem is, ever since, she’s grown slightly more distant and cold, and it’s now beginning to be noticeable. Basically less happy to see me, much less in the mood for s**, not as physical or cuddly as before, and more importantly way more monosyllabic in our conversations. etc.

I sat her down yesterday to talk about it, and she was evasive. When I asked if the Tinder experiment had anything to do with it, she looked away and just vaguely said “I don’t know, maybe”.. ​I feel like I’ve played myself here. Is this doomed or is there any way I can save it?.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

twiddlefish −  Oof, my girlfriend and I jokingly discussed the same game a few weeks ago, which I will now avoid like the plague. So you’ve helped me at least? Haha
It’s probably a red flag if she’d pull away just by knowing that she has other options. That being said I know a lot of guys swipe on everyone in order to get as many matches as possible so she may have less interest than she thinks.

didntstarthefire −  Probably because she’s seen what else is out there, or she’s looking at the grass on the other side and wondering if it’s greener. It’s not that it is.
The problem is that the seed of thought is now planted in her mind. Love is a choice. You choose your partner every single day, even when it’s hard.

Even when there’s a hot stranger checking you out. Even when you match with a bunch of guys on tinder during a game. She needs to realize this if she wants to stay committed. Love is a choice. No one else has what you have. Chances are if you broke up, she would date around and then regret it and miss you because you’re green grass too, OP.

nicebane −  If that’s all it takes for her to disengage then you deserve better.

CuckyMcCuckerCuck −  “Hey honey let’s look over this fence and see if we perceive the vibrancy of the grass differently.”

LittleIndy1 −  Get ready for her to ask you “can we have a open relationship” you will come ask us in 2 months we will say d**p her you will stay with her and she will leave you for another guy.

[Reddit User] −  She’s got a wandering eye and she did not delete her tinder profile. BET.

ponyfarmer −  I know the obvious top reply here is that she is noticing her other options. That’s a serious possibility. Another thin that could be going on is that she is struggling with the fact that YOU didn’t match with anyone. It’s not necessarily a more appealing alternative.. but many women are wrapped up in the idea that their man is a catch and all women want to be with him.

She could be taking a hit to her ego because she wants other women to find YOU desirable, as opposed to being interested in what is out there for her. Again, not necessarily the more appealing alternative, and my alternative could lead to the other scenario anyways..

but she might just be struggling with some perception stuff and needs to work through it and shed some narcissistic feelings related to giving a s**t about how other people see her guy. Basically,give this a little time and space and see if she changes her tune.

Do things get worse or better, does she start looking astray or get more or less affectionate, etc. Don’t roll over like a doormat but don’t send her packing until you have both had some time to talk and reassess what is going on.

wokepills −  OP you really played yourself. Good news is shes trash and you aren’t married so you can move on hassle free.

[Reddit User] −  The problem with a lot of posts on these subreddits is that they construct their own narrative, and the comments then follow that narrative. Event A happened, girlfriend is since acting like Z. It doesn’t necessarily follow that A caused Z. It could be that, or it could be that something totally unmentioned in the thread caused it. Maybe event B caused Z, or event C.

Maybe something happened to her at work. Maybe you said something tactless along the way. Maybe you reacted in a way that left her insecure. Maybe one of the guys that matched her is her best friend’s boyfriend. Etc etc. Or, maybe it is your narrative after all.

_Bruin_ −  My gf and I met on Tinder. I was her first and last Tinder date. She had the app for like a week, and I saw a screenshot saying she got 2000 likes and 400 matches. I maybe got 150 matches in the 6 MONTHS I was on Tinder. So your hypothesis is correct.

Your girlfriend is judging your value based on your *total number of matches* compared to hers. She sees a deficit, and has interpreted it as you being less adequate. However, what is more important than what we may consider your “score” (number of matches), is your *rank* among your peers.

I’d venture to say your gf may rank similarly to you *in comparison to other female users* despite the fact that she outscores you. Also, during your first two days of Tinder your profile is boosted. More people see it. May be a factor.

What happens when a seemingly innocent experiment exposes insecurities in a relationship? Can the trust and closeness ever return, or does it reveal something deeper that was always there? Share your thoughts on how the Redditor can rebuild the connection with his girlfriend, or if the experiment has changed their dynamic for good.