[SERIOUS] I (26m) can’t handle being a single parent. Should I give my daughter (3f) up for adoption?

A Reddit user shares his heart-wrenching story: after losing his girlfriend two years ago, he’s been raising their 3-year-old daughter alone. With two jobs and little time to spend with his child, he’s overwhelmed, questioning his ability to provide the love and stability she deserves. He’s considering placing her for adoption and is reaching out for advice from those who’ve faced similar challenges.

‘ [SERIOUS] I (26m) can’t handle being a single parent. Should I give my daughter (3f) up for adoption?’

My girlfriend passed away two years ago unexpectedly. It was all far to quick for me to process. We were both estranged from our parents. It was hard work raising our child together but we were happy. I just can’t cope anymore.

I’m finding it too difficult to raise a child on my own. I work all day with two different jobs, most of that going on childcare. I spend maybe a few hours a day with her before I put her to bed. I’m ashamed to say, I don’t know if I want her. I love her but I just can’t handle all this pressure on my own.

If anyone has been in a similar situation, I would love to hear what you have to say.

It really looks like OP is only considering this for financial reasons. I’m in debt because of I can’t afford to provide the basic necessities for my daughter. I live off paychecks and take cash in hand jobs. I skip meals. I don’t regret any of it. I would take a bullet for her. This is a really hurtful comment. I just want her to have a better childhood than I did..

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Ohmytripodtheory −  Op, where are you located? Let us help you find support services. Parenting is f**king hard. Parenting solo is f**king harder. But you can do this. Sounds like you’d benefit from a mental health exam and possibly anti-depressants. No shame in that. Get the help you need so you can better help your girl.

bootybooterson −  She will be in preschool and then K-12 soon enough, which will drastically cut down your childcare costs. Keep holding out, you can do this and someday she will appreciate your hard work.

dancingtrees45 −  OP, I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I have somewhat of an idea. I am the single mother of a now-5-year old. He cried all day long (I wish I was exaggerating) and three months after he was born, his father had an affair. I took him back and then he did it again. When my son was 1, he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. He was screaming all day, crying, flailing, throwing his body everywhere, etc. He didn’t sleep therefore I didn’t sleep.

His father didn’t help out at all from the minute he was born. He even left me at the hospital myself, even though I almost died during labor and the hospital was concerned about how I was hemorrhaging. His father moved out a little after his first birthday and rarely has been involved in his life.

My point is that there have been times where I ugly cried and wondered if I could continue being my son’s parent. I questioned whether I was doing enough, whether I was there for him enough, whether I was good enough, etc. I worked myself to death for a while just to pay for daycare. We’d eat cereal, pasta, anything cheap. But then I got one job that helped me learn about different services, like daycare vouchers. That helped a little and I would love to tell you I’m not still working to pay solely for daycare, but I’m closer.

It gets easier OP. The fact that you even find yourself wondering if you are good enough to keep this going shows that you are meant to keep going on this journey and she has a father that would do anything for her. You are doing a great job. You will get through this, I promise you that. That little girl is so lucky to have a dad like you. Get the therapy you need to help you build that strength and confidence. We are all proud of you and 100% rooting for you.

Kyle1dc −  As a child of a single parent fresh off the boat from the Philippines, hold out for her. It’s a struggle, but I know you can do this, the fact that you’ve stuck around is a huge testament to that. I know I wouldn’t be the same without my mom, and your daughter needs her dad.

crosswalk_zebra −  Have you tried talking to other people, widowers etc? Reaching out for help? Neighbours, friends, single dad events? I think that for the sake of your child, who already lost one parent, I should say don’t do it. If you leave her too I don’t know what will become of her but probably nothing good.

UndeadBBQ −  I can only recount a similar event I’ve witnessed. A guy from my classes had his family ripped away from him, and a 2 year old brother given to him. From one day to the next he had the responsibility for a small child. Not by choice, not by wish, but the situation came along not caring if he wanted this. Of course he was o**rwhelmed. Panicked. We did study, but nothing that promises great wealth afterwards. As game dev artists we work long hours, with little pay.

The first thing he did, in his panic, was to ask for help. I babysat his little brother once, for example. Friends, colleagues, professors,… they helped where they could. Because he was helpless, and he asked for help. Ask for help! Then he looked into what benefits he gets. The support systems in place gave him some breathing room, may it be financial or time.

And yes, he did look into more permanent solutions. I think its natural to try and ease ones own burden. But in the end he decided against it, through every hardship. And it paid off. Now, 3 years later, the little twerp goes to daycare and his older brother couldn’t be a more proud guardian. When asked now if he ever regrets his actions, he verbatim says “the only thing I regret is ever even thinking of giving him away”.

They don’t have a lot of money. He has practically no free time. But he has the love of his little brother and the knowledge that he gives the little guy one thing nobody can offer: Love. We’re all gonna make it, my dude. Take a deep breath, get pen and paper, and get your phone. Ask for help, write down what you need to do. Streamline your problems into tasks. Reach out to places like /r/personalfinance and /r/Frugal . The eternal love of your daughter awaits you.

Skwinthead −  Single father here – No do not give her up – she is the most precious thing you will find.. ​

DanisSpot −  You will be able to find support from groups of single parents, probably mostly mothers going through something similar.

Bencil_McPrush −  African saying: It takes a village to raise a child.. FInd yours.. ​

wonderberry77 −  PM me please. I would like to help. I am super proud of you for hanging in there. I am serious about wanting to help, so send me a message and I will ask you a few questions to see if there is something I can do to help you. There has to be a way – you don’t have much support and it’s so hard to stay above water.