Update: Dad left us and a decade later wants to reconcile because he has cancer. Am I wrong to be angry?

A Reddit user shared a heartfelt update about their decision to cut ties with their estranged father, who is now seeking reconciliation after being absent for a decade. Struggling with anger and resentment, the user recounts their choice to step away from familial responsibilities and prioritize their own life. Read the update below for the full story.

‘ Update: Dad left us and a decade later wants to reconcile because he has cancer. Am I wrong to be angry?’

You guys are right. I can’t force my family to accept my views of no contact with my father. I resent this man so much. I can’t stand the sight of him. After I posted yesterday, I was “invited” to have dinner with my family. To no one’s surprise, my dad and his new family where there. I picked out the two most expensive dishes on the menu and we had a chat.

I heard his thoughts on the matter of being an absent father but I didn’t bring up any of our hardships. My mother and sister made more attempts to make me forgive him. I did, I forgave him but that doesn’t mean I need to have a relationship with him anymore. Again, my family protested that I’m being cruel and heartless.

I’m not, many people survive cancer and his lung cancer is in the early stages. I told them I would not be present at any family events if he was there. My sister shouted at me claiming “He is our dad. You a**hole”. Yes he is, to which I replied that he needs to take over his responsibilities as a father.

I told them I had cancelled the tenancy on the house and we need to move out by end of this month. My sisters need to return the iPhone’s that are on contract as I am cancelling those. Driving lessons will be cancelled, gym membership will be cancelled, subscription services will be cancelled and everything else that I pay for. These are dad’s responsibilities now.

Ate my dinner and left them the with bill as a little act of petty revenge. I have been staying with my girlfriend and have not answered any texts and calls from them. I need a break. I’m done. I’m done taking over dad’s role. I’m done with the financial responsibilities or acting as the parent. I’m 25 and I need to live my own life now. I don’t think this will burn bridges. It’s just a wake up call for them.

Edit: I’m not going to ghost or abandon them. They need to become independent now.

Edit: I’m reading all the comments. I know I have acted like a j**k. I just need some time to collect my thoughts. I might update later.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

SomeBrutalAdvice −  I read your original post and your update and I have to say that I’m f**king proud of you dude.. Stick to your guns. If you can take anything positive out of this entire ordeal is that it’s made you very responsible.

nmrhog −  I have so much respect for you. I can understand all to well the pain of having a parent abandon you. And I can’t imagine the added pain of your mother turning to alcohol only adding to the financial burden.

It’s harsh but you have worked hard to support your mother and sibling when it is not your responsibility. If he wants the title and respect back then he can step up to the plate and fill the father role completely. F**k him, it sounds like he only came back cos he was diagnosed with cancer

Youtoo2 −  Your mother can make a claim for back child support now that she knows where your dad lives. you might want to call a lawyer. it does not matter that he has cancer. the money is owed.

whatabiiiitch −  Your family are ready to “forgive” him because they didn’t do s**t to make up the slack, you did. Your mother could have done it instead if spending your money on booze. Glad you’re taking no s**t from your ungrateful family and bailed. They didn’t know how good they had it with their free iPhones. What ungrateful shits.

chadmasterson −  My sister shouted at me claiming “He is our dad. You a**hole”. Yes he is, to which I replied that he needs to take over his responsibilities as a father. I told them I had cancelled the tenancy on the house and we need to move out by end of this month. My sisters need to return the iPhone’s that are on contract as I am cancelling those.

Driving lessons will be cancelled, gym membership will be cancelled, subscription services will be cancelled and everything else that I pay for. These are dad’s responsibilities now. Ate my dinner and left them the with bill as a little act of petty revenge. I smell scorched earth. Smells like victory.

Ice_Drake_Shyvana −  F**k me, that was amazing to read. I think you did the right thing there, no matter what others might say.

abiwhit −  Nah, f**k him. My dad was diagnosed with cancer last year. He treated my mum and me like s**t before we managed to get away when I was about 15. Currently he’s acting like there’s no bad blood between us and is acting kind of like a dad should, but only since he was diagnosed.. Makes my blood boil

[Reddit User] −  My dad abandoned me when I was a toddler. Never knew him. I was always so upset thinking why didn’t he love me? He would call me once a year with false promises of gifts but of course they never came. He would get arrested all the time.

I finally met him when I was 15 (I am 25 now) and he had a new family with all this nice stuff. Not sure how het got it as my ‘step’ sister (our parents were engaged so not really related) got a free ipod he apparently stole for her. I wanted one too and I got some knock off Zumiez player thing that didn’t even work.

We were supposed to hang out and him to buy me clothes for school. But he would have to go to work, just for a little bit! Which really meant me sitting in his truck for 4 hours while he worked. Would say “I don’t have work tomorrow so we can hang out all day!” But then it was “Just need to stop by for 10 minutes ok?” Which again was sitting alone in his truck for 5 hours” He never bought me clothes. Nothing. I was just..there.

After that, it finally solidified to me what a terrible person he was and was happy he was never truly my father. And was done with him. A few years later he wanted to talk to me because his brother died (who I never met) and he was so sad. I was so angry, him trying to guilt me into a relationship. Where were you when I was sad and crying because my father lied to me?

Abandoned me? Was happier with a new family? No dad f**k you. You can be sad and alone like I was. I always hate the notion that you MUST love and forgive your family. F**k that s**t. Your father was obligated to take care of you and he didn’t. You don’t owe him your time or love. You owe yourself peace of mind and comfort.

[Reddit User] −  I can not believe how inconsiderate your mom and siblings are being. The amount of stress and pressure that fell onto you, and continues to, would make me at the very f**king least, not force you into having a relationship with him.

Calling you names and guilt tripping you, would be the last thing on my mind as a mother of a beautiful boy myself. I cannot imagine. I simply cannot wrap my head around their thought process. It concerns me why he reached out to your sister. I think he does feel guilty, but is too prideful and narcissistic to ever admit it. Which is why he went for her, and not you. Probably knowing what burden he placed on you.

I am so proud of you. You will feel so many things in the next while. Pangs of your own guilt. Anger. Resentment. Fear. Sadness. Let them happen. Just don’t stay and unpack in those feelings.. I am proud of you. I wish I could mother so many more than my own.. I am here for you.

love2bme −  Good for you! Honestly that’s seriously messed up they’re standing up for him but atleast you stood up for yourself.

Is it wrong to set boundaries, or does this user have every right to step back and reclaim their independence? How should they navigate this complex web of emotions and expectations? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below.