WIBTA if I report the nurse practitioner at urgent care to HR for basically s**t shaming me?
A Reddit user (F21) shared a deeply upsetting experience with a nurse practitioner at an urgent care clinic. After visiting for a possible STD or yeast infection diagnosis, the nurse practitioner not only slut-shamed her but also made comments about the user’s sexual behavior, warning her about her “character” and future fertility.
The user was left in shock and embarrassed, unsure whether to report the nurse practitioner to HR or let it go. Now, the user wonders if they would be wrong to file a complaint. Read the full story below.
‘ WIBTA if I report the nurse practitioner at urgent care to HR for basically s**t shaming me?’
I’ve \[F21\] recently encountered a new s**ual partner. We used a condom, but after words I felt a little uneasy as to this was the first time I have ever hooked up with someone I just met.
My previous s**ual partners have all been someone I have developed deep connections with in some kind of way. While condoms greatly reduce the chance of contracting a STI, it cannot provide ABSOLUTE protection.
A few days ago, I noticed my discharge changed to a white substance that’s different from my normal discharge and the first thing that came to my head was an STD. I have never had one before and I have no idea the symptoms, but an STD was all I could think about.
I went to an urgent care because I wanted to see if there was maybe a simpler answer to this problem (yeast infection or UTI) and if not, I wanted to send my urine off for an STD screening.
My doctor asked me a series of questions (when did you become s**ually active, when was your last s**ual partner, how many s**ual partners, etc.) , all of which I was up front and honest about so she could better treat me.
It came time for her to make a diagnosis and tell me the best course of action. She says based on my symptoms, I am showing hallmark signs of a yeast infection, but she will send my urine off for a culture and STD screen along with a swob from my vagina so she can tell what type of yeast is growing down there.
As I’m about to get my keys and stand up to walk out, she says “Dear, will you sit down for just another moment.” I sat back down and looked up at her, curious as to what she wanted to talk about.
“With all of that being said, you’re 21 years old, you really need to guard and protect your character,”. I looked at her like “what the f**k” and she continued “well you know, guys get to have s** all they want and nothing bad comes out of it for them but you know us as women we can’t be doing that as much because we have to protect our character,”.
At this point, I was pretty f**king angry. You could tell by my silence and the way my lips were pressed together. I thought that maybe it couldn’t get any worse, then she proceeded to say “you’re going to want to have kids one day, and the way you’re living your life now could really hurt you and your chances of having a kid with a good man,”.
I was open and honest with this woman in hopes that it would help her better treat me and in turn I get s**t shamed for it? I posted this in a forum about s**ual education and I was getting advice to report her to HR.
I don’t want to go after anybody’s job, but I don’t want other women to have to go through this same thing just for having s**.Will I be the a**hole if I report her to HR or should I leave it alone?
Edit: For everybody asking, I was literally in too much shock to say anything to her at the moment. I just kind of stared at her because I immediately felt embarrassed and regretted the information I shared with her so openly.
So after a couple of seconds she said “I appreciate your openness and honesty tho” (like that mattered after anything she just said 😩) and opened the door for me to leave so I just said “thanks” and left.
I was too embarrassed and in too much shock to say anything in the moment. Trust me, I wish I would have but I wasn’t even thinking about going off on her. I was just embarrassed.
Also, she was a nurse practitioner. I know a couple of times I referred to her as a doctor, but her official title was NP. And for everyone s**t shaming me even further: sorry ur insecure that I’m having more fun than u 😘.
UPDATE: Before I start off with the update, I want to address some of the negative comments in the original post.
1) I am not heartless, and in the original post I even directly said I did not want to go for her job. That was never my intention and I even explicitly said that.
2) for ever man calling me a s**t: you’re obviously insecure in the idea that women can have s** for pleasure, just as you can. I also explained how this was my first time ever hooking up with somebody I just met, so “closing my legs” or “quit being easy” doesn’t f**king apply.
In Game if Thrones, every single “whore” had one thing in common and that’s that they enjoyed s**. So if enjoying s** and using it for pleasure makes me a whore, then sign me the f**k up!
3) For teenage girls/young girls s**ually active: if you come across this post, just know that it is very unprofessional for health care providers to pass judgment on your s**ual life.
What you decide to do with your body is really nobody’s business despite what other people are saying on this thread.. Now to the update: I called the urgent care and asked to speak with either a patient advocate or NP supervisor.
They didn’t have a patient advocate and the doctor overseeing the NPs was out, so they let me talk to the manager of the clinic. First and foremost, I explained to the manager that I in no means wanted any disciplinary action taken.
I did not want her to lose her job, but maybe be given a talk or PIP to improve her service and not use personal beliefs or judgment when taking care of patients.
I explained to her everything that happened and before I could even say who the NP was, she knew EXACTLY who I was talking about…which confirmed that she’s most likely been this way towards other patients previously.
I then explained how I confided in her and that I came into the office for medical advice and not personal judgment and her using my openness to pass judgment has made me weary about being open with doctors in the future.
I explained that her words didn’t hurt me, just my future interactions with health care providers AND future interactions with her other women patients.
The lady was very nice, and once my complaint was heard she said she’d “call the doctor (her supervisor)” right away and to expect a call from him on my cell. She also said she was placing a note and that the NP wouldn’t be back in the office until next Monday. With all of that being said, thank you to everyone for your advice! You’ve truly been so helpful.
And for the people calling me a s**t for this, I hope to God this same thing doesn’t happen to your daughter, your mother, your sister, your aunt etc.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
inevitablegirlie − NTA. 150% report her to HR. Do it right now. This is rude, regressive, none of her business and could actually deter women from getting care. You’ll be doing yourself and every other woman who walks through those doors a kindness.
SirPengy − NTA. Definitely report that. She is there to help you medically, not try to force her values on you.. Edit: In response to this, I don’t want to go after anybody’s job. In most jobs, it takes a LOT to get fired.
Unless she has a history of complaints, this will just be a “Hey quit saying stuff like that” conversation. She’ll only be getting fired if she’s had similar issues and not changed her behavior. In which case, her “right” to this job is overruled by her patient’s rights to not be lectured.
whoopitupgirl − NTA, definitely report this, it’s b**lshit. But HR is for employees, not patients. You’ll want to report this to a clinic manager or customer service.
kai7yak − NTA AT ALL Her job is to provide health care, not moral judgement. I won’t go into how dated and fucked her comments are – but bringing her own personal beliefs into it are out of line.
Eta: even if she had told you the exact opposite and been like “yes girl! Go f**k all the men!” Her bringing HER opinion into the matter makes it not ok. You were there for a swab. Her job starts and stops with the test.
GrouchyYoung − NTA. I’m a nurse and I would report the s**t out of this woman if she treated me or worked with me.
In our line of work, we definitely have to ask probing questions or make recommendations that some people see as intrusive, but only if there’s a legitimate medical reason, which we explain–e.g.
“I don’t care whether or not you do c**aine, I’m not going to call the cops on you, but please tell me if there’s c**aine in your system because giving you a beta blocker with c**aine in your system could kill you.”
Recommending safe s**ual behaviors like consistent condom use and frequent STI testing FOR YOUR HEALTH and the health of your partners would have been totally appropriate. Lecturing you about the effect casual s** will have on your “character” is a hundred miles over the line.
[Reddit User] − NTA. That is awful and totally unprofessional. You went for medical advice not a lesson of character.
xmarketladyx − NTA. This isn’t 1950 and she’s a stranger. You’re an adult and can obviously handle yourself. She isn’t in charge of your chastity belt keys and this was incredibly out of line. I’d definitely report her as that wasn’t her place.
[Reddit User] − NTA. She’s your doctor, not your mother. She crossed the line between professional and personal, and that’s not okay. Report her.
thetruearsonist − I sat back down and looked up at her, curious as to what she wanted to talk about.
You could tell by my silence and the way my lips were pressed together.. Fanfiction alert.
Pegasuspirates − Nta. Report her
Do you think the user was justified in considering reporting the nurse practitioner for her inappropriate and judgmental comments, or should she let it go? How would you handle a situation like this, where you feel your personal choices have been unfairly criticized in a medical setting? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation!