AITA for refusing to be in my father’s wedding even tho I “cheated too”?

A Reddit user (27F) shared a story about her father (50) who cheated on her mother for five years, then left her mother when his mistress got pregnant. A year later, the father proposed to the mistress and asked the user to be his best (wo)man at the wedding. The user refused, citing her discomfort with the situation, especially given the way her father treated her mother.

He accused her of hypocrisy, pointing out that she had once cheated when she was 17. The user now questions if her refusal was justified. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to be in my father’s wedding even tho I “cheated too”?’

A story as old as time. My (f27) father (50) cheated on my mother for 5 years with a younger woman(currently 32) and he left my mother when mistress got pregnant. It tore our family apart.

I resent my father because my mother actually loved him and she is still dealing with this. Even 1 year after he left her. I stayed on okay terms with him because I was the one to pick up and drop off my younger brother at his place.

Last week when I picked up my brother my father had big news. He proposed to his girlfriend and wanted me as his best (wo)man. It made me kinda mad ngl. But I kept calm… And told him no.

He said that what happened between him and mom was none of our business and that I should respect his new relationship. I said I respect it but that doesn’t mean I condone it.

Obviously I would never hound him randomly about it but I don’t approve of it and I don’t like her. She knew the whole time my mom and we existed . Well my dad was having none of it and told me to get off my high horse because I had cheated too and I had no right.. And I…. Guess?

When I was 17 I was with this boy for 3 months. I went to a party got s**t faced and made out with a classmate for a total of 10 minutes. I felt so bad that I called my boyfriend crying and we talked it out. We broke up.

I told my dad and In 10 years I never did something like that again. I have been with my partner for 5 years. I told him he could not equate it at all. He called me a h**ocrite. And that he was glad to know who I am.

Driving home I felt like I was a bit harsh. He is still my father and he is not a bad father. I just don’t want to be in his wedding. I would still go. But AITA,?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

eatmoreunicorns −  NTA. You kissed another guy once when you were still a kid. Your dad hid the fact that he’s been screwing another woman, did it for 5 years, and knocked her up.

The situations aren’t even comparable. Your dad is trying to manipulate you by saying “you cheated too”. The situations are not the same. He’s the a**hole.

assholeinwonderland −  NTA you were 17 and made a drunken bad decision for ten minutes, then felt horrible about it. He was in his 40s with a wife and children, made a calculated horrible decision for five years, and doesn’t seem to feel bad or accept responsibility. Not the same thing at all.

banned42069times −  NTA. It’s perfectly reasonable not want to support the relationship that your father broke your family with. And there’s also no comparison between a teenager hooking up with someone at a party, and a grown ass man betraying his family.. Tell your dad where to stick it.

HowardProject −  NTA – The difference between what your father did and what you did is similar to the difference between a 4 year old kid grabbing a candy bar in the store and getting caught versus a grown-ass adult holding the place up at gunpoint.

Not only is he a AH for deliberately cheating and hiding this from your mother for years, he’s also a manipulative AH for attempting to make you think that what you did was in any way comparable to what he did.

minizookeeper −  NTA. Getting drunk and doing something stupid at 17 in no way equates to having an affair while married with children, and it’s pretty s**tty that he’d try to throw that at you. You’re not required to like or support a parent who does something terrible.

mcxcc −  NTA – he committed himself to your mother for the rest of his life, your “cheating” incident happened in a non serious relationship AND you even told the truth about it in the end.

Your father is trying to justify his own actions by making your “cheating” seem to be on par with his when it is not. It makes total sense that you don’t want to be in a wedding that represents the fallout of your childhood family. Your father sounds like a manipulative p**ck sorry to say

[Reddit User] −  NTA making out with someone while drunk as a teenager does NOT equate to ruining a whole family.

aita_boomer −  Maybe your father wants you to be best (wo)man because nobody else wants to or approves either. Boomer thinks your father is getting desperate. NTA

[Reddit User] −  “I can’t believe you shot that guy!!” “Well, you stepped on a guys foot in 1997, same thing!!” That’s basically the comparison being made and it reeks of desperation. NTA

[Reddit User] −  Ask your dad if his decision to be with this woman was motivated by booze and hormones, because that’s basically what he’s saying.

Do you think the user’s refusal to participate in her father’s wedding was justified, or did she overreact given the family dynamics? How would you handle a situation like this, where a parent’s actions conflict with your values? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation!