I’m (27F) buying a house for myself and my boyfriend (33M) of 5 years to live in. He wants his name on the house. I’m not comfortable with that but how can I tell him that without making him feel bad?

A Reddit user shared her dilemma about buying a house and her boyfriend’s request to have his name on the deed. Though they’ve been together for five years, she’s uncomfortable with the idea of adding him as a co-owner, especially since she’s the sole one financing the property. She’s unsure how to explain her decision without causing tension or hurt feelings. Read the full story below to see how she navigates this tricky conversation.

‘ I’m (27F) buying a house for myself and my boyfriend (33M) of 5 years to live in. He wants his name on the house. I’m not comfortable with that but how can I tell him that without making him feel bad?’

TL;DR I’m going to be the sole party on the mortgage for the property myself and my partner rent. He wants his name on the house and I don’t feel comfortable with that. How do I tell him this without hurting his feelings or creating a dispute? So I’m (27F) buying a house for myself and my boyfriend (33M) of 5 years to live in.

The property we’re renting is being sold and I verbally agreed I’d buy it from the landlord. I never even considered that my boyfriend would be involved in the buying process bc my income is enough to get the mortgage, we’re not married, he has bad credit. So I was going to have the house in my name with all my debts and finances.

The landlord said he knows we’re not married and when it comes down to filling out the paperwork, he doesn’t care whose name is on the house. This is my first time buying a house so I think he’s talking about the deed. Since my boyfriend heard that, he wants his name on the deed. I think he means both of us but I’m not comfortable with that.

There are many reasons it’s not a good idea but there are very few as to why it might be good. I see it as my house if I’m getting the mortgage. Both of my siblings have bought homes with their partners and it’s been the one who has the mortgage that also owns the house. It only makes sense to me. I think I am being practical about the scenario where we don’t get married and stay together forever.

It could cause legal issues if we’re both owners. I don’t see myself living here if something like that were to happen, so he could stay and rent from me but I can understand his hesitation to trust that. But I can’t really see it from his side so I can’t figure out how to talk to him about it. How do I talk about this? And what I want to say is no, so how can I put put my foot down without causing a dispute?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

couldabeen −  Under NO circumstances put his name on the deed, unless his name is on the mortgage as well. Otherwise he owns half the house with absolutely none of the financial obligation/responsibility. Worst thing you can do.

BrokenPaw −  I’m going to be the sole party on the mortgage for the property myself and my partner rent. He wants his name on the house and I don’t feel comfortable with that. You are absolutely right to be uncomfortable with that. Long and long and many moons ago, I was with a woman that I *thought* I was going to marry. We bought a house. I was the sole one on the mortgage, because 1) I had a well-paying job and she did not, and 2) I had good credit and she did not.

But she wanted to be on the title of the home, and because I was so in love with her, I did it. Less than a year later, for reasons that are not germane, she and I split up. In that year’s time, I had paid the entire mortgage, as well as supporting her, because her part-time job brought in about enough money to pay for gas for her to get to and from it.

When we split, I told her that I intended to keep the house, and she said “fine, I’ll sign off on the deed if you give me half of the market value of the house”. Not half of the equity in the house. She wanted half of the gross value of the house. Nope. Not going to happen.

A four-year legal battle ensued, which ended up with a ruling from the court that she was owed half of the equity in the house (which I’d have given her at the beginning, but which she refused). In that time, the value of the place had gone up significantly, and so my total cost to get quit of her was ~$65k, including legal fees and her half of the equity.. So learn from my fail.

Do not do this. Unless he is contributing equally to the mortgage and shares the risk, or the two of you are married and have commingled finances, do not put someone on the deed to a house that you are solely responsible for the mortgage on.

Leogirly −  It’s your house. He can have his name on a house after he buys one. Have it in your name before getting married. Then you always have something to fall back on in the end. Just cuz he’s a man you are in a relationship with doesn’t mean he gets to own your stuff. He lives there and he can pay you rent. I have two other girl friends who have this situation with their boyfriends. The ladies own their houses, the boyfriends just move in and pay rent. In a few years, they will get a house together and rent out the old one. It’s not weird and you aren’t wrong.

winterwoods −  If he has bad credit I doubt putting his name on the mortgage is practical.

crapplegate −  Don’t do it. I faced the same situation 5 years ago. I caved, we broke up 2 years ago and I had to buy her out of it. She took me to the cleaners. Trust your gut and say no, and if it’s a deal breaker for him then so be it.

imfreenow92 −  DO NOT DO IT. I was 26F when I bought a house with my boyfriend. I was the only one on the mortgage, because his credit was bad and he insisted on being on the title or he would “not pay a dime” toward the house. We had already been living together for a year, and we planned on getting married, so why not?. But I knew in my gut it was wrong.

One year TO THE DAY that we bought the house, I broke up with him. He threatened to stay in the house indefinitely and not pay rent, because he was legally allowed to. I had to pay my EX boyfriend $18,300 to get him out of my house and off the title. PLEASE do not make the same mistake I did. You know it is wrong or you wouldn’t feel compelled to ask. Just tell him you want to buy the house for yourself. He isn’t contributing to the down payment, so it’s not his house. Case closed. It’s going to hurt his feelings but trust me, hurt feelings are better than losing $18,300.

ArtsFartsAndCrafts −  Realtor here! No. It’s a complete sentence, my dear. He has bad credit at age 35 and wants the glory of something he didn’t work for. Have him pay the utilities or set up a rental agreement. I hate to be old-fashioned, but when it comes to houses we kind of have to think that way. You aren’t married. If you break up and his name is involved in the paperwork, it gets messy QUICK.

rhysandsgf −  your buying a house for you and a man who isn’t putting anything towards it??? 😭im deaddddd.

Finn_Finite −  DO NOT buy a house together with someone you aren’t married to. It’s a legal mess.

mitchandmickey −  Him: “Can I put my name on the house so if we break up you pay me $200,000?”. You “no”