My husband [29 M] gave me [29 F] an ultimatum to lose weight, but now he says I am too skinny. I packed my bags and left, but he keeps calling and asking for a second chance

A Reddit user shared her emotional story about her husband, who gave her an ultimatum to lose weight after she gained some during pregnancy. She worked hard to shed the pounds, but after doing so, her husband’s friends began to make inappropriate comments. Now, he’s blaming her for being “too skinny” and asking for a second chance, leaving her confused and torn. Read the full story below to understand her dilemma.

‘ My husband [29 M] gave me [29 F] an ultimatum to lose weight, but now he says I am too skinny. I packed my bags and left, but he keeps calling and asking for a second chance’

Hello Reddit! I’m normally a lurker and can’t think of a better name for this account right now. I met my husband 6 years ago when we both had just graduated college. He was a lovely guy, handsome and very well put together. He loved muscle cars and weight lifting and I loved everything about him. I fell in love with him instantly and was over the moon when he asked me to marry him.

A year into our marriage, I became pregnant with our son and gained about 30 lbs. I was 5’3″ 125 lbs before the baby and 155 lbs after the baby. I still fit into the same clothing sizes so I didn’t think I had gained too much weight and that it would come off with breastfeeding and some more exercise.

After the baby, my husband started pressuring me to lose the weight. He said that his friends were making comments about how fat I had gotten and that he was not as attracted to me as he was before I had the baby. He gave me an ultimatum that I either would have to lose the 30 lbs in six months or he would leave me. I was very upset about the demand, but I didn’t want to lose him so I tried my hardest to lose the weight.

Every day for months I would wake up and go to hot yoga for 90 minutes. After I got home from work, I would run or do some bodyweight exercises. I tried to keep my calorie count below 1200 so that I would lose 2 or more lbs per week. The weight slowly but surely started to come off and I was back down to 130 lbs by the end of the six months. My husband was happy and things looked like they would be okay.

After I lost the weight, I noticed a shift in the attitude of my husband’s friends. Most of them are perfectly nice guys, but a few of them are absolute pieces of s**t (the same ones who called me fat). Once I returned to my old weight, these friends started to make comments about me and how sexy I was. I told my husband to make them stop and he said that he would speak with them, but the rude comments never stopped. I channeled all of my frustrations into working out and I lost an additional 15 lbs of body fat and got more toned.

This past weekend, my husband’s friends were over at the house and one of them grabbed me and tried to grope me. I told my husband and even though he was angry at his friend, he was still angry at me. My husband said that I was leading his friends on by losing so much weight and that I was trying to make myself skinny so that I could cheat on him. I was disgusted by this accusation and packed my bags and left for my mom’s house.

Last night, my husband called me and begged for me to come back home. He says that he knows that he was unfair and that he won’t let his friend come over anymore, but I am so tired of dealing with this that I’m not sure I want him back. He’s the one that told me to lose weight, but now he’s blaming me for being too skinny and I’m afraid he’s going to make me develop an eating disorder. But I also still love my husband and it hurts me to be apart from him. I’m so confused and I’m not sure what to do.

Tl;dr: Had a baby and gained weight, husband told me to either lose the weight or leave. I lose the weight and then some and husband’s friends started hitting on me. Husband blamed me for it and I left him. He called me yesterday asking for a second chance and I don’t know if I should give him one.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  He blamed you for his friend’s decision to grope you.. He accused you of trying to cheat. He pressured you into losing weight to win the approval of his friends. I can’t imagine why in the world you would go back to that.

eatingbread −  Your husbands love and respect fluctuates with your weight. Think about that.

prinshesca −  Don’t go back. Ever. Your husbands “friends” are pieces of s**t. Also, your husband is also one for being so easily persuaded by them to basically hate his own wife. And once you were “good looking” again, they came back. And showed no respect at all to you. Leading his friends on by losing so much weight.. ARE. YOU. F**KING. KIDDING. ME.

He loved you when you were “normal weight”. He blackmailed you into losing weight when his friends didn’t find you attractive anymore. And then he had the audacity to make you believe his pieces of s**t friends are like that because of you. Hell. F**king. No. You deserve better. And you need to be aware that he will *never* stop getting influenced by his friends. Their opinion will always be more important to him than you.

[Reddit User] −  Let’s be clear here: one of your husband’s friends **s**ually assaulted** you, and your husband blamed you. If you really, truly don’t want to leave this guy, I would, *at least*, make him ditch the toxic friends as a condition of your return.

[Reddit User] −  Don’t go back, your husband is a monster. He failed every opportunity to support you. I can’t even believe some of the things he’s said to you. Damn, woman, it sounds like you could do so much better. Take the baby and RUN! P.S. Where is that baby? You have him?

Lordica −  This is the most pathetic and immature response to fatherhood I’ve seen in a long time. Congratulations on kicking this a**hole to the curb. I see a bright future ahead of you.

[Reddit User] −  Tell him you think you’d like to lose a little more weight, then ask him his current weight. Then say “That should do.”. Seriously, what a complete POS.

[Reddit User] −  You led his friends on by losing weight? That’s actually what he thinks? That by doing as he demanded, and losing weight, you were inviting men to s**ually a**ault you?. Wow. He’s a total a**hole.

Throwyourtoothbrush −  What would have happened if you needed an emergency c section because the baby suddenly came in sideways? You’d be laid up and unable to exercise for MONTHS. Could he deal with having to help you get into and out of bed and onto and off of a toilet for several weeks? So, at 155 lbs you did 90 minutes of hot yoga and ran AND ate less than 1200 cal AND lost 2 lbs a week.

That right there is the cusp of disordered behavior. I can’t imagine how exhausted you were /are. Now, I know 1200 is plenty, especially at 5’3″ but 1200 and exercising 2 hours daily? That’s just hard to imagine, especially with a new baby. What meaningful things in your life have been completely replaced by diet and exercise? Don’t get me wrong. Body building is a great hobby, but it’s notorious for eating disorders and body dismorphia.

You hadn’t gained much weight, and the baby weight normally can take a year to come off.. because your life priorities and sleep are really out of whack, and slow and steady weight loss is the key. Your husband sounds like he’s incapable of empathy.

[Reddit User] −  My heart hurts for you. Really. At this point you’ve been slandered by his friends for being fat; gone on a Beyoncé level post-pregnancy weight loss regimen; been s**ually assaulted by your husband’s friend; been blamed for it. All this with the tacit and even explicit approval of the man who promised to love, cherish and protect you for better or for worse. I’m sorry, but he treats you like an object, often like a malfunctioning object. This is not okay. This is not how you want your son to grow up, I’m sure. You did the right thing. Don’t go back.