My [28F] roommate [28F] is away for the weekend. I thew a party last night and invited people over. This morning a lot of her expensive items are missing. I can’t afford to replace any of them

A woman (28F) threw a party while her roommate (28F) was away for the weekend. Despite initially locking her roommate’s room as requested, she later opened it to help a friend, leaving it unsecured. The next morning, she discovered many of her roommate’s expensive designer items missing. Now, she’s panicking, unsure how to handle the situation or compensate her roommate, as she can’t afford to replace the stolen items. Read on to see how she plans to address this overwhelming dilemma.

‘ My [28F] roommate [28F] is away for the weekend. I thew a party last night and invited people over. This morning a lot of her expensive items are missing. I can’t afford to replace any of them’

I don’t know if this is the right place for this but I don’t know what to do. I live with this girl named Meredith. For someone I met online when looking for a roommate to fill the second room, she has been absolutely great to live with. We aren’t the best of friends but we get along well. We both have busy lives so we usually chat for a few minutes in the evenings and on the weekends.

She’s actually an awesome roommate. She’s quiet in the mornings and night, clean and takes good care of the common areas. When she first moved in, she asked me if she could put a lock on her bedroom door. I thought this was odd because the last roommate never did this but it’s her own room so I didn’t really care. She left the extra key for me in a kitchen drawer and told me she usually doesn’t lock the room but if she goes away for a few days she prefers to keep the door locked because she’s quite watchful of her things.

Anyway, Meredith has a good job but I don’t think she is super rich or anything like that. When she first moved in, she only bought two suitcases of things. I commented on this and she basically said she likes designer items so she buys just a few high quality items but pays a lot for them. I don’t really know anything about designers or labels but I kind of got to appreciate them after seeing her wear these items.

Yesterday, I had my last exam of the summer semester and officially finished my course. I decided to have an impromptu party to celebrate at the apartment. I texted Meredith letting her know and asked if she wanted to join in and bring friends.

Me: DONE!! I am going to have ppl over to drink later. Want to join? You should ask Jen and her boyfriend to come too.
Meredith: Awesome! Congrats!! I am going to be in [place] remember? I am coming back Sunday because I have a session at 9. Have fun celebrating!

Meredith: There may be a bottle or two of wine in the fridge. I bought it last wknd. You can have it for tonight 🙂 :). Me: Thanks!
Meredith: By the way, if there’s going to be people over, can you do me a huge favor?. Me: Ya what’s up?

Meredith: When you are in the apt later, can you pls lock my room? I think I left my Tom Ford sunglasses on my bed as well so maybe you can put them in the closet or something?. Me: I am here now.
Me: Hey, I put the sunnies in the closet and locked the room. Have fun in [place].. Meredith: Perfect, thanks!

So people were over last night but it ended up being a much bigger party than I expected. People brought friends so it was really crowded. I got drunk pretty quickly. My friend Allie was feeling a bit ill and wanted fresh air. I am an i**ot. I wish I could take this all back. I was too drunk and wasn’t really thinking. Meredith’s room has a nice large window where you can sit on the ledge. I unlocked her room with the spare key and let Allie in. I went back to drinking with friends. At the end of the night, a couple of people crashed in the living room but left when they were sober.

I woke up this morning to a very messy apartment with drinks spilled everywhere. I had every intention of cleaning it up. I walk towards the bathroom and notice Meredith’s door open. I remember opening it last night so I just wanted to go back and lock it again. I noticed that a few of her drawers are open and her closet is open. F**K. Now I am freaking out. Meredith literally only has ten or so hangers in her closet of which seven are EMPTY. Everything was there last night because I opened it to put the sunglasses in.

The sunglasses are missing as well. I am really freaking out now. I don’t know what else is missing. I looked up Tom Ford sunglasses online and they run $350+. Some of her purses are $6,000 each. I have no idea how much any of her clothes are worth. I can not afford to replace any of these items. Not now and not anytime soon in the future. I know it’s all my fault. Anyone could have taken the items since so many people were in the apartment. I called Allie and she told me to file a police report which I will do now. What do I do?

I have every intention of paying Meredith back but I literally can not afford to do so. I think she will be very upset about this. A lot of her things seem to be gone. It’s not like she’s very rich that she can just write it off like no big deal. A lot of her savings went into these items. I feel so horrible.

Tl;dr: Had a party at my apartment. Roommate is away and asked me to lock her bedroom door. I did but then got drunk and opened it hours later. Wake up and many things in her room are missing. She has very expensive taste and I can not afford to replace any of the items. What do I do?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

capilot −  Wow, poor Meredith. You really fucked her good. I guess she just learned her lesson on meeting roommates online or letting them invite their skeezy friends over for a party when she’s not home. She has very expensive taste and I can not afford to replace any of the items. What do I do? You find out if renter’s insurance will help, as BeyondSelfish suggested, or you start paying her back in installments.

watchthishappen −  Start picking up extra shifts in case the police can not help and insurance won’t cover it. You fucked up, you foot the bill.

silverraven1189 −  You need to call Meredith right now, and have her give you a list of her expensive items and the value of all of them so you can file a police report. Then you need to go to your friends and ask for all the names of everyone invited. If renter’s insurance doesn’t come through and replace all of her items, I suggest you get a credit card and max it out repurchase all of her things. Fingers crossed that renter’s insurance covers everything.

Seriously, though. I know you can’t afford it, but this is 100% your fault. Your roommate did everything correct. She bought a lock for her room, asked you to pack everything up, and requested you lock the room when she was not there. You unlocked the room and let everyone in the apartment go through her things. If I were her, I’d be pissed and I’d expect you to repurchase everything. Who cares if you can’t afford it?

You could have suggested anyone that felt stuffy take a walk. You could have walked to a 24h cvs and bought a fan. You could have started to kick people out when it got too crazy. Instead you unlocked your roommate’s room without her permission, and invited everyone inside of it to get some air.

gnarble −  Holy s**t I’m so sorry but this is entirely on you. Do you know everyone who was at the party? You gotta track down whoever took that stuff and report them to the police.

[Reddit User] −  Life lesson learned the hard way. For now all you can really do is file a police report and contact your renter’s insurance company (because you have renter’s insurance like you should, right?). I don’t know how far renter’s insurance will take you though, with items that expensive. If you don’t have renter’s insurance, you are SOL–the police won’t do anything, and obviously nobody you invited will admit to taking stuff. Doesn’t hurt to ask around, but realistically the stuff’s gone for good.

As far as the personal relationship side goes, you’re up s**t creek. There isn’t any excusing what happened, and she is going to be, quite rightfully, angry. Apologies only go so far when thousands of dollars of stuff is gone. Be prepared for a conversation about someone moving out.

ohmira −  For what it’s worth, this happened to me but I was in Meredith’s shoes. I figured out who it was after a little cross-referencing between friends and was later compensated by the friend of my roommate that brought the thief into our home. You have a significant amount of liability here, but don’t panic. There are still options.

First, sit down and think about who came. Make a list. Think about who you didn’t know. Call the people you remember being there and ask who they knew/didn’t know. Ask Allie! Don’t accuse anyone or seem panicked (it will discourage cooperation), but be serious in your need for info. Think about it this way, you looked at and welcomed a thief into your home, and I bet you can deduce who it was.

At least down to a few potential people. Who was there that you will likely never see again? Who did you talk to the least? Who brought the most people? Has anyone been to another party recently where something was stolen? Also, look online to see if some of the items have been posted for sale on craigslist or ebay. You’re probably not dealing with a criminal mastermind here. Definitely go to the cops, but understand that they cannot help you as much as you can help yourself.

Check your renters policy. Call Meredith, explain what happened, the options moving forward you are aware of and apologize. Sincerely apologize, with no exceptions. Do not surprise her with felony level theft when she gets home. You want her to react before she sees you so she has the chance to be calm when you first talk about it in person. Include her in the process and show her you are working to make things right. She will be angry, and you are liable for what happened. Treat her with the utmost kindness and respect, even if she yells at you. You do not want to give her a reason to pursue a lawsuit.. Best of luck!

[Reddit User] −  You’re gonna get sued.

adokimus −  Wow. You’re *that* girl. F**k you and your s**tty friends. Your poor roommate probably doesn’t even have an inventory of her stuff and will never get that stuff back. Some may even have sentimental value. File a police report, but if your renter’s insurance doesn’t cover it, you will HAVE to cover it yourself, with interest, as fast as you can. I hope she sues you and has your wages garnished until you cover the thousands of dollars of missing property.

Grow the f**k up and get better friends and learn to keep your word even if you’ve been drinking. She asked you to do just one f**king thing, but you broke your word cause someone wanted “air.” There’s plenty of that outside. And what are you doing letting a sick person in her room so she can potentially lay in her bed and barf in there. All this after she even let you drink her wine for the party! You did this to a nice woman. You are 100% at fault and the only way to get ahead of that is to start making payments immediately.

I would be so livid at you if I were her. You’re 28!! Holy crap, learn to behave like it. It’s upsetting just to read because everyone knows someone like you. She’s learning her own lesson right now about trusting people she’s met online. By the way, when you’re the only host, you should stay sober enough to know if you’re getting robbed. This is so many levels of b**lshit and it’s all your fault.

junegloom −  Damn, OP. The point of locking the door was to NOT let anyone in. The fact that you then opened it again and left it that way is the same as not having done it at all. You get no credit for having locked it earlier when she asked. It ended up being a much bigger party than I expected.

It was your party. These things don’t “just happen” to you. Furthermore things like this will stop “happening” if you take some ownership of your life and choices, because then you can’t blame the universe or others as much. Take a hard look at the people you know. Do any of them tend to make new best friends with random druggies that hooked them up on the street, that kind of thing?

[Reddit User] −  OK, first: you can’t afford to replace these items, but can your parents help out? Easier to pay them back long term than this poor girl. Second, you should do as much investigation as you can since the police might not search high and low. It might also help if you put word out that this is felony territory and the police are involved, but if the items turn up at such and such a place you will close the case.

When you call your roommate, make an effort not to be emotional. The profuseness of your apologies won’t matter, but the chances of getting her stuff back will. So make a list of all the clothing and start searching eBay, and Craigslist. Also search Facebook and Instagram for these people to see if you can find anything out. Maybe someone said something stupid, maybe there’s a pic of someone wearing something you recognize.

If you find them, give them the choice of returning everything possible or being arrested for felony theft. No more parties for you. No more friends over without explicit approval from roommate. If there’s any way to swing reduced or free rent, swing it. Rethink your relationship with alcohol.