My niece (18) wants me to design her wedding with a month and a half notice. I (33) will be on vacation the weekend she picked to get married.

A Reddit user shares their dilemma about their niece (18) wanting them to plan and pay for a wedding with only a month and a half’s notice. Complicating matters, the chosen date conflicts with a long-awaited trip, and the niece has no budget or clear plan for the wedding, expecting others to fill in the gaps. The user seeks advice on how to communicate these challenges without escalating family tension. Read the original story below:

‘ My niece (18) wants me to design her wedding with a month and a half notice. I (33) will be on vacation the weekend she picked to get married.?’

I am facing a situation and not sure how to handle it. In April of this year my oldest niece Dawn (30) announced that she and her boyfriend would be getting married Sept. 5th of this year. My niece asked me to please handle all centerpieces and any decor for the wedding as well as being her maid of honor.

I was thrilled and worked my ass off for four months. It was really hard work but I pulled it off and my niece was over the moon with how her wedding turned out. Dawn left all of them decor up to me, saying I could what I wanted and thankfully, she and everyone else at the wedding loved it.

At the reception, my youngest niece Lea (18) decided that her oldest sisters wedding was the best time to tell everyone that she and her boyfriend are getting married on Halloween this year. I was busy and had heard her saying something but didn’t really think about it again until this afternoon.

Dawn called saying Lea had called her saying she had bought her wedding dress. Lea told Dawn that since Dawn makes cakes, she wants her to do her wedding cake and she loved what I did for Dawns wedding so she wants me to do hers as well. While I’m glad to be the person she wants to decorate her wedding, this brings up a s**t load of issues.

Issue 1- 3 months ago my Mother (60) and I booked a trip for out of town the weekend Lea has picked for her wedding. Call me selfish but we have really been looking forward to this trip. Our lives have been kinda crazy and the time away is really needed. Issue 2- I paid for all the crap I needed to make the centerpieces and to decorate for Dawns wedding.

I told her it would be my husband’s and I’s wedding gift to her, I paid for everything so she could have really nice stuff that I knew she couldn’t afford on her own and Dawn was over the moon. At that time, I had the money to do it. Two weeks before Dawns wedding, I moved into a new house then got laid off the next day. So my money is tight, I have a family to help support.

Lea told Dawn she has zero money for decorations and the cake, meaning she expects Dawn to make the wedding cake, pay for it and me pay for decor and centerpieces. With Dawn and myself JUST paying for Dawns wedding, we are all tapped out. She is also expecting my parents to pay for the food since they just paid for the food at Dawns wedding.

Issue 3- Lea picked Oct. 30th for the day of the wedding. We live in Southern Indiana and weather in the Midwest this time of year can be either rain or even snow. The location of the wedding is at my parents farm, OUTSIDE. There is nowhere to go if it rains or anything, its all 100% outside.

So, I’m not going to lie- Lea is and always has been a huge a**hole. She thinks just because she says “This is what I want” everyone should hop to. She can be really f**king difficult just because. Dawn asked Lea what kind of maid of honor dress she needed to look for and Leas answer was “Whatever.”

She wants her wedding cake to be Nightmare Before Christmas themed, said her wedding color is navy blue and doesn’t have any thoughts about anything else. So she wants everyone to do everything and come up with it all in our own and when dealing with Lea that means that, even though she purposely didn’t say what she wanted, what you give her will not be good enough or right and she will throw a fit.

It’s the reasons I had to stop buying her anything for Christmas and her birthday, nothing was good enough and she’d freak so no more gifts. So my question is – how do I go about talking about all of these issues with Lea? I can’t do what she wants, none of us can. While I do want to do for her what I did for Dawn I am just not in the place to do again this soon.

If I could talk her into moving the wedding to December and having it at her Dad’s giant building, I could do what she wants, no one would be in the rain or snow and my Mother and I won’t be out of town. How do I tell her this without her turning it into me just trying to tell her what to do?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  What a difficult situation. Let the teenage bride know that you already had plans for the date. Chase it with a passive-aggressive: “Honey, this is why brides send out ‘save the date’ announcements months in advance.” Maybe she’ll send those out for the next marriage.

peacockpartypants −  So, I’m not going to lie- Lea is and always has been a huge a**hole. This sums it up. No is a complete sentence. You can go with “Sorry, I won’t be available, I already have plans that weekend.” Getting married at 18 has a pretty huge chance of a divorce in the next 5-10 years anyways…. not to be m**bid, but it would be a wasted effort on your part.

HatsAndTopcoats −  The wedding is at your parents’ farm when your mother won’t be there?

[Reddit User] −  Leave it to a spoiled 18 year old to think this is a reasonable plan. Tell her to pound sand and go design her own trainwreck of a wedding.

swagnet0 −  People like Lea are why I have a financially sound job.. /divorce lawyer

AnorhiDemarche −  I think a family intervention may be in order. Prepare (together) a list of things that she wants that aren’t going to work.. – Financial. – Time constraints (it took you months to do the decorations for the other wedding!)

– planning constraints (people coming). many people will already have plans. you send out save the date cards well over a month in advance to the people you most want to be there. – Planning constraints (outside help) all this stuff needs to be planned and co-originated, often this must be done weeks in advance. Does she have backup plans for these things if they can’t be booked?

– location and weather. what are her plans for snow and rain? The message should be that the wedding she wants is not feasible right now, and that if she postpones it say, a year. (assuming she wants the halloween date) it’ll be more likely to happen.

[Reddit User] −  Just tell her no.

[Reddit User] −  It’s an interesting situation, how do you tell someone who is basically a child that they can’t have the same thing as their sister, who in her mind is at very least an equal (though I doubt she thinks that). How do you say “I know I spent xx amount on your sister but I won’t be doing the same for you” without sounding like you favour one over the other?

The only advice I can think of is not to mention your lack of funds, tell her that if you used the exact same budget on her wedding as her sisters, you could never, in the time allotted, give her a wedding that looks half as good, capitalise on the fact that you (probably, who knows) spent heaps of time hunting for supplies at the cheapest price possible,

that you waited for sales, that you made a lot of it yourself (even if you did none of those things). Basically let her know that time is money, and the less of one you have the more of the other you’ll need. At least she won’t feel like she’s being cheaped out (which she sounds like the kind of person who would honestly think that- blergh)

Also let her know that you won’t be there ASAP, she probably will still expect you to pay for and do all the work for her wedding in lieu of a gift- that “you would give me if you were there or not”. I would collect all of the family involved (especially your parents, who are apparently letting strangers hang out at their farm while they aren’t there) and discuss tactics on how to tell her it’s just not going to happen. Stand together, to defeat the teenager!

crymeariver2p2 −  At the reception, my youngest niece Lea (18) decided that her oldest sisters wedding was the best time to tell everyone that she and her boyfriend are getting married on Halloween this year. You know who does this? Complete bitches do this.

If you take this on, it will be an endless nightmare as you try to please an unpleaseable spoiled b**t. “I’m sorry, there isn’t enough time to plan you’re wedding and we’re on vacation.” You can expect a tantrum. If you’re lucky, she’ll cut you out of her life.

37-pieces-of-flair −  “No” is a complete sentence. Tell her you are happy and excited for her marriage, but what she is asking is not possible. You outlined everything pretty clearly on this post. Do not cave. Not one bit. Don’t offer to do centerpieces or flower arrangements. Nothing. If you give her an inch she will take a mile.

Planning a wedding should be joyful, not a source of stress and financial strain for others. How would you approach a family member who has unrealistic expectations? Would you suggest a compromise or firmly set boundaries? Share your thoughts and advice below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/EyvHy