I (24F) got really drunk, and my dad (55M) and his friends made fun of me and said horribly n**ty things to me because they thought I was passed out. What the f**k? How do I deal with this?

A Redditor (24F) is grappling with a deeply hurtful experience after overhearing her father (55M) and his friends mock her while she was drunk and pretending to be passed out. The cruel comments, including jabs at her weight, personal life, and financial independence, shattered her perception of her father, whom she had always seen as a supportive figure. Struggling with betrayal, she wonders how to address this and repair—or possibly sever—their relationship. Read the full story below.

‘ I (24F) got really drunk, and my dad (55M) and his friends made fun of me and said horribly n**ty things to me because they thought I was passed out. What the f**k? How do I deal with this?’

Fire at my apartment so ive been staying with my parents. I went out with my friends, got pretty drunk, and came home with the spins. my dad had his friends over and right away noticed I was drunk.

I sat in a chair and felt sick and sort of passed out slowly but was still pretty concious. I heard my dad and his friends laughing at how drunk I seemed, instead of like, you know, worrying about me being sick. I heard my dad say “shes always been a drunk, could never handle her liquor” (interesting, considering ive never drank in front of my dad).

He also said “since she broke up with her boyfriend she put on a ton of weight, i suppose it always happens to women around her age, cant control what they eat”. Which is also interesting, considering I only gained about 20 pounds in total (I am 5’11, 20 lbs is nothing).

He then went on this sort of like, sexist rant about how modern kids turn into awful people in their 20s, using my ‘recent behavior’ as an example. He said “her apartment is fucked up because she did something stupid, so she just runs to her mom for help instead of helping herself” not even mentioning to them that my apartment caught on fire as the result of a fire in the NEXT apartment over.

He said I was sensitive, sheltered, lazy etc. He said “I thought I raised her right, never thought she would be such a f**king failure, I mean look at her right now, jesus christ”. I literally earn more money than him at my job right now, but he has the audacity to call me a failure?

While I was drunk enough that I was basically slumped over with my eyes closed, at a certain point I could have gotten up but I was scared for some reason to let them know I could hear everything. So I just stayed there pretending I was asleep.

I am just so disgusted at my dad right now. I am actually genuinely astounded at the things he said about me, one, because most of it was just straight up lies, and two the fact that he would s**t talk me in front of his friends that way?? What the f**k?

I honest to god thought my dad was a great guy but this just changes my entire opinion of him. Why would he do this to me? To brag to his friends? To make it seem like I am such a burden on his life? I have this horrible feeling in my stomach about him that I don’t think will ever go away.

He has always been such a great father to me and this just changes everything, I don’t think I will ever forget those hurtful words he said. I honestly want to dead him, and never see him, ever again, but then I would be homeless until my apartment is fixed, and… well I just feel like he was such an amazing father before this moment. I have such conflicted feelings right now. How do I confront him about this?

tl;dr: While I was passed out drunk, I heard my dad talk s**t about me to his friends.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

RestingMurderFace −  Well…now you know who he really is. He’s a Bro who will undercut the women in his life to amuse his friends and to make himself feel better about his own insufficiencies.. I’m sorry, OP. How to confront him…what about printing out your post and handing it to him and standing there while he reads it?

[Reddit User] −  If it were me, I’d find him in a quiet moment and say, “Remember when I came home drunk the other night and wasn’t feeling well and your friends were over? Well, I heard what you said to them about me and it really, really hurt.” You could say more, or ask questions, but when I’ve confronted people over serious hurt like this in the past, keeping it short and strong has worked well.

Don’t rush to fill the silence or negotiate with yourself–just state the hurt. His response will teach you a lot and maybe answer some of your questions about how to proceed. He might apologize, or blow it off, or double down. Either way, this may change the way you feel about him forever, and that is fair. I’m so sorry you heard such a hurtful thing. No one deserves that.

RoryDeanWinning −  Well, now you know what your dad truly thinks of you. My sincerest apologies. My mother used to air her grievances when she thought I was asleep on the couch while I was visiting. I don’t visit anymore. That’s not what ended our relationship, but it’s just one of many fractures throughout the years.

You’re 24 years old. You can go out when you want. I could understand if your mother and father wanted to enforce rules about coming home sloppy in their house, but that’s not what happened.

polygala −  I experienced a similar betrayal a few years ago. My dad was hanging out with my boyfriend (now ex) without me and essentially told him I’m a crazy b**ch and he shouldn’t put up with my s**t and d**p me.

I ended up confronting my dad andi telling my mom so that she could give him a piece of her mind. He apologized and was like, “hey, I was just trying to be cool and it was a fucked up thing to do.” So, confront your dad and then decide what comes next based on his reaction.

My dad has made sacrifices for me, he’s there for me when I need him and shows interest in my life. So I forgave him. But, I permanently lost a lot of respect for him, lost trust in him and gained the knowledge that he does not respect me.

I imagine you feel the same. Don’t worry, though, it gets easier to accept. Especially as you get older and more accomplished… You’ll probably just pity him. I’m sorry this happened to you, but you’ll be ok.

zJeD4Y6TfRc7arXspy2j −  My gut feeling is that he wants to feel like a big man by belittling his daughter in front of his friends. It’s unbelievably petty and small of him and his friends sound like assholes too if that’s the sort of thing that impresses them.

This goes beyond the “oh he’s just of a certain era” nitpicking (which is still not cool). He’s actively talking hateful s**t about his daughter while he thinks her back is turned. I think you might have to tough it out until you can get back on your feet.

Try to fly under his radar, keep interactions to a bare minimum and channel the anger into working on a plan to get out of there. Only once you’re safe and secure should you let him know that you heard everything he said when he thought you were unconscious and you think a lot less of him because of it.

whatthefrelll −  Some parents have always been s**t people but we only realize as we get older. You’re only seeing it now because you’re a grown woman, so now a prime target for his sexist b**lshit. I’d link this to him in an email and cut contact for a while. And hey OPs dad, way to be a piece of s**t.

prufock −  Email this post to him and his friends (and your mom).

simpwnz1337 −  I literally earn more money than him at my job right now, but he has the audacity to call me a failure? Given your Dad’s sexist attitudes, I bet he loves that his DAUGHTER, who’s half his age, makes more money. I’m sorry he failed you like this. Can you talk about it with a close relative? If he’s otherwise been a great dad, there may be some underlying mental health change or other explanation.

danarexasaurus −  Firstly, I’m really sorry this happened to you. There is no excuse for what he’s said. I have had a similar experience overhearing my father say, “you know, she’d be really pretty if she just lost weight”. Even though he was right, it felt really awful to hear it from my dad

There seems to be a huge disconnect/war between his generation and millennials. It’s really frustrating to be called a failure when you’re busting your b**t for years through college, and then through the rest of your life, barely making ends meet (it sounds like you’re doing really well)

I don’t know how you get past this without talking to him about it. You have every right to be angry and upset. He was a j**k. And I’m sure you’re wondering what the hell else he is saying when you’re not around. It’s despicable. I’m really sorry you heard all of that and they he said it in the first place.

illyiii −  I’d make plans to stay elsewhere, leave, then just shoot him a text. ” I was awake when you said all those things to your friends about me being a fat failure who fucked up her apartment by letting her neighbor burn it down. I’ve never been more disappointed in anyone my entire life.”

This heartbreaking situation forces the Redditor to question the trust and respect she once had for her father. The emotional weight of hearing such cruel comments, especially from a loved one, is undeniable. Should she confront her father directly and demand an explanation? Or is it better to distance herself and protect her mental well-being? How would you handle such a betrayal? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.