I (27F) found out I wasn’t invited to a coworkers (35M) party because his wife (30sF) doesn’t like me.

A Reddit user (27F) shares a dilemma about being excluded from a coworker’s (35M) party because his wife (30sF) reportedly doesn’t like her. Despite having a friendly, work-focused relationship, the wife has labeled her as giving “homewrecker vibes,” leading to tension in the workplace and discomfort for the user. Now, she seeks advice on how to navigate this awkward situation and restore harmony at work. Read the original story below:

‘ I (27F) found out I wasn’t invited to a coworkers (35M) party because his wife (30sF) doesn’t like me.?’

I need help navigating this awkward situation. A coworker threw a party at his house over the weekend and I found out from other coworkers who were invited. “Dan” and I started working together earlier this year when he joined our department. We aren’t on the same team but often will hang out at lunch or at the bar after hours with everyone else.

We aren’t super close, but we are pretty friendly, at least on the same level as others who were invited to the party. Yesterday a coworker I am close with pulled me aside and told me she felt bad but she and others were invited to Dan’s house over the weekend for a small party. It wasn’t coworkers only and Dan and his wife’s friends from outside of work were the majority.

I was a bit hurt I wasn’t invited and asked if she knew why and if I had done something to upset Dan. She told me that it was the general consensus that Dan’s wife didn’t like me hanging around him at work or happy hour and that I apparently give her “homewrecker vibes”. She overheard the wife telling her friend this at the party in a different room from the main area and eavesdropped a bit.

The wife said it was weird that I follow him on instagram and like all his posts when he doesn’t follow me back. I was mortified by this, I follow other coworkers too and they follow me back so I guess I just assumed Dan had as well. Her friend apparently then asked if the wife was worried that I would see photos of the party to which his wife responded “What?

I can’t have a party in my own house with my husband without inviting her? She doesn’t spend enough time with him every lunch or happy hour? Maybe now she will get the hint and f\*ck off. ” I don’t have any feelings for Dan beyond work friendliness but now I feel like I’ve done something wrong and I’m being made out to be this office hussy.

I unfollowed him from social media after my coworker told me this and got lunch with some other people yesterday. I still said hi and such when I saw him and we were both polite. He didn’t mention the party and I didn’t mention what I was told. I can’t figure out what it was that ticked his wife off. We don’t hang out one on one and it’s always with other coworkers both male and female.

I don’t understand why I’m being singled out. I just want my work environment to be a friendly one and this sort of situation is causing me to feel stress and hypervigilant of my interactions at work now. It seems like there’s some undercurrent in our department now where people noticed I wasn’t invited and are now making silent assumptions like they think I did something improper involving Dan.

I walked into our snack lounge and three of the women who were there stopped talking abruptly and just gave me really forced greetings. What should I do to diffuse this situation? My natural instinct is to talk to Dan but I feel that this would get back to his wife and cause more drama. A close friend suggested I just disentangle myself from him completely and only interact with him on work-related things. I just want to avoid any more drama.

Check out how the community responded:

bridewithoutahead −  You diffuse the situation by acting like nothing is wrong. Sometimes being a single woman means other people will put you in a box and there’s nothing you can do about it. Your best option is to keep your social life and your office life separate and don’t expect anything but professionalism from the people around you. Friendly distance.

unsafeideas −  Do nothing. Keep being respectful and friendly to people in office. Really. Also, this sounds like gossipy office.

minuteman_d −  I used to be part of a nonprofit where I (single guy) worked with many people. One of my tasks was to handle the finances and reimburse people for things they bought for the nonprofit’s activities. There was a married woman who frequently bought stuff and sometimes asked for a quick turnaround on the reimbursement because their finances were tight.

I gave her husband ZERO reason to think there was anything funny going on, tried to be friendly when I saw him, etc… but if I ever came over to drop off a check (she’d text me to say that they were home), he would always come to the door instead of her, even though the check was in her name, and always gave me the “get lost” vibe.

It used to make me pretty mad, because everyone else would just get their checks mailed, but I was doing them a favor. I eventually just stopped being that friendly to either of them so I wouldn’t be accused of anything. Sometimes you just have to realize that some people are really insecure or are projecting their own infidelity or other junk onto you.

grayblue_grrl −  I think Dan talks about you at home. A lot. ” GreatOnion told this really funny joke at lunch.” “GreatOnion was talking to X about this today.” “GreatOnion mentioned this new restaurant. We should go.” “When we went out for drinks after work, Great Onion mentioned this band she likes.”. She’s blaming you. But it isn’t. And your other work friends knows that, which is why she told you.

[Reddit User] −  Sounds like a her problem. Keep your head down, socialize with others, keep doing you. The office gossips will soon find something else to talk about. If anyone asks what you did to her, just give em the Mariah – ‘I don’t know her 🙂’.

a_bumble_bri −  Take what your coworker said with a grain of salt, you are getting into a he said she said situation. Regardless, you can’t control what your coworkers wife thinks about you nor should you give it any power over your thoughts and actions. Continue existing how you have been, eventually the wife will catch on that you’re not interested or shift her focus to a new target.

Chances are since you’re young and assuming attractive, that the wife is projecting slightly. Maybe her husband has crossed lines the past, or maybe she’s jealous/insecure/controlling/just a nightmare person. If I was in your position I would steer clear of that coworker.

Messy relationships are exhausting, you’re single and have no reason to be apart of that s**t show. I would write that coworkers friendship off as a loss, maintaining cordial and friendly behavior when necessary but avoiding any lunches with him and sticking around others at happy hours.

rosha267 −  Do nothing! Your coworker only told you all of that to stir the pot there is NO other reason. You aren’t even friends with Dan. No one here knows why his wife is singling you out but there really is no need to guess. If there are people at your job talking about you they will soon get bored when they realize you have no interest in participating in work place drama.

lady_baker −  It actually doesn’t matter why she is being this way. Terrible reasons, justifiable, doesn’t matter. He is a coworker, not a close childhood friend, and he is choosing his wife (as he should.) just be a pro, stay professional with Dan and hold your head high.

HarlequinMadness −  I’d follow the advice of your close friend. Disentangle yourself from him and only interact with him on work-related things. That’s really the only thing you can do. Just make sure you’re completely professional so he and others can’t accuse you of making everyone uncomfortable. If you find it really hard, you may want to think about finding new employment.

chablismouth −  lmao the only one here who did anything wrong here was your coworker. no one tells someone they give off “homewrecker vibes” and then would give a blow by blow retelling of the wife’s exact response to the situation unless theyre desperate to start workplace drama.

stop associating with dan if it makes you feel awkward but otherwise i dont think you need to do anything at all. you cant stop his wife from being insecure. eventually your coworkers will move on to gossiping about something else

Navigating misunderstandings in the workplace is tricky, especially when personal dynamics create unnecessary tension. Should this user distance herself from her coworker or address the situation head-on? How would you handle being unfairly judged in a professional setting? Share your thoughts and strategies below!