Me [32F] who is childfree with my department [20s-50sFs] coworkers who have actually SAID they think I should do more work than them and take on more after-hours responsibilities for them because I don’t have kids. Worked at school for 8 years.

A high school math teacher (32F) who is childfree has found herself in a situation where her coworkers in the department (20s-50sF) are assigning her a disproportionate amount of work because they assume she has more free time due to not having children. After raising her concerns, they were stunned and unapologetic. She’s seeking advice on how to address this situation and get her colleagues to see her side without causing conflict. Read the full story below.

‘ Me [32F] who is childfree with my department [20s-50sFs] coworkers who have actually SAID they think I should do more work than them and take on more after-hours responsibilities for them because I don’t have kids. Worked at school for 8 years.’

I am a HS math teacher, and we were creating a schedule for next year and divvying up work loads. I noticed I’d got almost 50% of the test creation and had 2 plannings missing from my schedule next year for every 1 for the other (6) women in my department. (There are 8 of us; my department head assigned herself nothing as she is “managing” and needs every prep. But that’s another quibble.)

I am not the newest and in fact have seniority some of these women, but I’m also not the most experienced (so it’s not like “these are struggling new teachers who need help”). So, I asked why it was divided this way. I was told, “Well, Ms. Millie is pregnant and the rest of us have families. If you have to stay late, it’s no big deal.”

I can go to my Principal and deal with it that way; what they’ve done actually breaks the union contract. But I really was offended by this. I tried to explain my offense, and they literally stared at me gobsmacked. I thought I was being punked. I thought about posting this on r/childfree, but this isn’t just a rant. I actually want to know how to discuss this with them; these are all women who I have previously gotten along with and liked.

When the last one (Ms. Millie) got pregnant this year, there have been some conflicts (she is in my grade level, and they made me take on some of her work basically because she had some complications – this I did but I think PLANNING for me to do more is very different than an emergent health issue) as well as some uncomfortable situations for me (having to participate and buy stuff for her baby shower, when I’m not really into those things – but I did so to not cause waves).

Any ideas on how to talk to them to make them see my side? Are they serious with this or just lazy? I can’t even imagine this mind set. (I mean, I didn’t have kids because I wanted more free time! Not to work more!) Edit: If it matters, I am married, with pets (3 dogs) but childfree by choice. Also, I want to point out that “childfree” doesn’t mean I dislike children. It means I don’t want to have any (some people have PMed me asking why I teach if I hate kids).

Edit 2 A lot of people have advised go to the union, go to the Principal, and I absolutely will if necessary. I want to be clear I’m not worried at all that I’ll be “forced” to work this schedule, but these are my colleagues, many have been working with me 5+ years, and we have lots of meetings and times together, where it’s helpful to get along, so I DO try to get along (like the baby shower thing) and be a good “work friend” and colleague.

I just want a better way to communicate myself than I had today. I was entirely shocked and VERY indignant and just found myself unable to express myself well and I was hoping for ways to approach that someone with their attitude might understand because I can’t empathize with it at all, myself (and viewing the other side is how I always try to look at problem-solving).

TL;DR – My previously reasonable co-workers seem to have gone off the deep end, wanting me to do the majority of the work for the whole department because I am childless and thus have more free time. I have heard of this in theory but never thought seemingly reasonable people would not only do this but COME OUT AND ADMIT IT!

Check out how the community responded:

tBrownThunder −  They will not see your side. It’s not your job to change their (admittedly short sighted) viewpoint. You go to your department head and tell her that you are being singled out for more work because of your child status, and anything in your personal life is your business and your business alone. If she has any problem with that, you’d be happy to have a joint meeting with the principal.

Ask her if someone with 3 kids should take on less work than someone with one. If someone who’s a single mother should have less work than a mother who is married. If someone who has a special needs child should have less work than someone with a healthy child. After all, their available free time is different, right? Unless they plan to compensate you for extra time or job responsibilities, working more because you have more free time is not a valid plan of attack. Feel free to let them know you’re more than happy to get the union legal team involved, too.

notevenapro −  You do not discuss this with them. You go right to your union rep. This is one of the reasons you have a union.

cookiepusss −  I immediately thought of the union. They’re not going to let that happen.

TosshiTX −  Yeah, absolutely not. I am also child-free and co-workers of mine always mention the opportunity for overtime. My department director also brought this up a few times to me. Every time I explained I was not interested in over time, outside of an emergency coming up that I would need to handle once every blue moon. They have pointed to my child-free life as a reason I should welcome the over time.

I have told them repeatedly that I am child-free in part because I value my free time and don’t want to NEED over time in order to make ends meet. The job is the job, and the job gets standard working hour (which are already over 40 a week at my company). Go to your principal. Go to your union. The job is the job. Your personal life doesn’t change that.

silverraven1189 −  Go to the principal and the union. If they actually cared about a fair split, then they’d have asked you about your committments, divided things up depending on whom has more children/age of children/martial status. Instead they’ve divided the team into mom’s vs. non-moms. Their behavior isn’t appropriate and they need to hear this from the administration.

cookiepusss −  No, they’re serious. For whatever reason people think having kids makes them special and above other people. Case in point. Whatever you you’re doing after work isn’t as *important* as what they’re doing, obviously /s

OneTwoWee000 −  Any ideas on how to talk to them to make them see my side? Are they serious with this or just lazy? I can’t even imagine this mind set. (I mean, I didn’t have kids because I wanted more free time! Not to work more!)

They’re serious. They’re making you pay “the child tax” since you’re not married. It’s a real thing and fortunately, it’s illegal. You should stand for your rights. Do you have any friends who are laywers? Or who work in HR that can advise you?. Cross post with /r/legaladvice
Edit: If it matters, I am married, with pets (3 dogs) but childfree by choice. It doesn’t matter. It’s unfair and it’s discrimination to assign you more work because you don’t have children! You’re right to go to the principal on this. Go above her/his head if the principal doesn’t resolve this.

[Reddit User] −  I can go to my Principal and deal with it that way; what they’ve done actually breaks the union contract. Don’t bother trying to explain your feelings to your coworkers. They are not your friends, don’t waste your time on them. Go straight to a higher-up and have them deal with getting your duties fairly distributed and leave it at that. Work is stressful enough, don’t get sucked into co-worker drama.

cardinal29 −  You should go to the principal and remind him it’s against the union contract, and you won’t stand for it. Assert your position of seniority. But it is HIS responsibility to go to the department head and make changes. Give him the gun, but he has to shoot it. “He doesn’t want to raise the ire of the union, etc.”
Now you know that these delusional women are not your friends, proceed accordingly. They are just crazy, lazy bitches who resent your freedom and will take advantage of you given the opportunity.

iheartmaggie −  This kind of thing is exactly why at my next job I’m going to bring a framed photo of my cousin’s two young children and put it on my desk. If I as a child free woman had to tally up the number of times I was REQUIRED to do more work because I “don’t have kids to go pick up from school/pick up from daycare/stay home with for illness/take to doctors and dentist and orthodontist appointments etc…” the number of occurrences would be insane. I have had jobs where I’ve basically been working 60 hours to every parent’s 25-30 hours. However they still get paid full salary while I made nothing extra for picking up their slack.

So for my next job, I’m going to borrow my cousins kids and make sure that I take off early “to get the kids” or come in late “cause I had to drop them off” or leave in the middle of the day because “johnny’s school called and he’s sick” or call in altogether because “Cindy has a stomachache” etc. It’s absolutely ridiculous the way parents are treated vs. non parents in the professional world. I’m tired as hell of picking up the slack just because some coworker decided to pop out a few f**k trophies.