The mental health hotline that I (25F) volunteer for just hired a girl (25F) who bullied me in high school

A woman who has volunteered for a mental health hotline for five years is now facing a tough situation: the organization has hired the girl who bullied her in high school as the new volunteer coordinator. The volunteer feels torn between her commitment to the organization and the painful memories of being bullied. She’s seeking advice on how to handle the situation. Read the full story below.

‘ The mental health hotline that I (25F) volunteer for just hired a girl (25F) who bullied me in high school’

For the past five years, I’ve volunteered for a mental health hotline. I’m deeply passionate about the hotline’s work, and I’ve devoted huge amounts of time and energy to answering calls, training new volunteers, and fundraising. I’ve become close friends with many of the people I volunteer with, and I get a lot of joy out of helping people who don’t have a lot of other support in their lives. I love this organization; I can’t imagine my life without it.

Today, the head of the organization sent out an e-mail announcing that they’ve hired a new volunteer coordinator: the girl who relentlessly bullied me in high school and made my life a living hell.

I was completely blindsided. I moved across the continent after graduating from high school, and I have no idea how or when this girl moved to my city. I doubt she applied for this job to deliberately antagonize me, since we’ve had no contact since graduation and all volunteers are anonymous. So it’s just a terrible coincidence, but it still means I’m going to have to be working with a person who was unbelievably cruel to me.

I really don’t know what to do. Obviously, all of this was a long time ago, and it’s possible she’s cleaned up her act since high school, but I still hate the idea of even being in the same room as this girl. I’ve had her blocked on every platform for, wow, over a decade now. It looks like my only options are to, a) tough it out and deal with this person coming back into my life, or b) quit the hotline after five years of service.

TL;DR I’ve volunteered at a mental health hotline for the past five years, and they just hired a girl who bullied me in high school as the new volunteer coordinator. I definitely don’t want this person in my life in any capacity, but I also don’t want to quit the hotline. What can I do?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  Don’t ruin your mental health for a volunteer position. Maybe there are other mental health hotlines in your vicinity you can volunteer for?

rainyreminder −  So, the first thing is probably to identify a different hotline you could volunteer with, and then speak privately to your contacts at your current hotline and ask if they are willing to serve as references etc. Get that set up so that you have a way to continue giving back–obviously this is important to you, so you need to find a way to continue doing that work.

Then I’d talk to whoever your usual manager is (unless it’s this woman), and say that you need to resign as a volunteer, you have the utmost respect for the organization and you have really loved your time there, but that the new volunteer coordinator is the woman who bullied you in HS, and even if she’s changed as a person, you can’t work under someone who used to bully you.

You are not bluffing when you say this, btw. Your plan is to leave. They will not fire an employee because of a volunteer’s unwillingness to work with her. You have to look out for yourself here. She may well have changed for the better, but that doesn’t mean you need to be around her at all. I’m so sorry, but I think the best possible thing for your own mental health is to find a new organization to dedicate your time and energy to.

[Reddit User] −  it’s possible she’s cleaned up her act since high school. I was going to say this because people can change a lot from high school to their mid-twenties. Honestly, I think there is a third option other than the one you laid out which is try to use this as an opportunity to improve your own mental wellness by seeing if you can’t get some closure. Forgiveness is incredibly tough, so I wouldn’t blame you for saying “F**k that” but it could be such a healing moment if you were able to let her know how much she hurt you and seek to forgive her if she is willing to apologize and show remorse.

NikkitheChocoholic −  You could privately talk to your manager about what you went through and how bad it was. Maybe they could make sure that you’re always working different shifts? I wouldn’t quit without trying to talk to someone about it.

cheetour −  If she volunteers at mental health hotline, then perhaps she’s changed; is it an option to talk to her about when you were younger and see what her feelings are? I think it’d be ill-advised to leave for fear of something bad happening before it happens. Wait, meet her, and see how it is. She could be full of regret, she could still be horrible, she could be someone else completely different with the same name as this person… Either way, it’s a lot to throw away for the sake of uncertainty.

DrShaufhausen −  Have seen her or just received the email announcing the hire? Could it just be someone with the same name?

aspenglade −  You could explain the situation to management and discuss options. Not sure anything will come of it but at least it’s an attempt.

seekingzen1 −  I don’t like the idea of continuing to run from a bully as an adult without attempting to work through it. If it compromises OPs mental health than, I understand. But there is something to be said for learning to work through these types of issues, before leaving.

yoyo01323 −  I don’t mean to sound harsh. But this is an opportunity to face something. She’s a big part of your past. Giving her more power mentally (in your head, not her herself) to let the pain of the past hurt you. I’m not saying she’s changed. Or that some level of distance isn’t needed. But you need to learn how to be around this and not let it disgruntle you. You can learn confidence and a lot from this experience. I wish you the best of luck

Zemykitty −  Highschool was almost 10 years ago. Why do you think she’s incapable of change?