[Update] We (Husband 32M & Me 26F) have been told by his brother (37M) and SIL (30s) that we should supply all xmas gifts for the kids due to our lack of kids?

A Redditor (26F) shared a dramatic update about her husband’s (32M) family dynamics after a Thanksgiving disagreement spiraled out of control. Following an argument where the brother-in-law demanded they buy Christmas gifts for all the kids in the extended family

tensions erupted, leading to accusations, insults, and even their in-laws showing up unannounced to berate them. Now, the couple has decided to step back from the toxic situation. Read the full story below:

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/tyymu

‘ [Update] We (Husband 32M & Me 26F) have been told by his brother (37M) and SIL (30s) that we should supply all xmas gifts for the kids due to our lack of kids?’

So, the day I posted after we went over the texts which started after we missed their call and went up until we sent the email… all just… spiteful s**t about how we waste our money, time, and life volunteering and don’t spend enough time with their children/cousins/cousins children/family anymore.

It started out telling Tod he was being a ‘candy ass b**ch who is whipped’ by his ‘cold h**py child hatin wife’. And just degraded from there. Tod only sent back a few saying he’d email him about it and asking him to not talk about me. So we sent the email here is basically what we sent I semi edited it.

Tod send it as if it was just from him, we almost added in his parents but decided we’d just forward it to them if it really got out of hand, NP Timmy did it for him! > Tim, I’m sending you an email so we can talk about what happened on Thanksgiving. I think this would be better for us both since when we are heated we say things rashly. You didn’t give me much time to really think about it so here it goes.

I don’t understand why you volunteered us to buy gifts. We are happy to buy gifts for your children as we have every year. Is there something going on? Is someone having financial problems? While we would gladly help anyone who asked (As we have before, you should recall Cathy and Kiki 2 years ago. you helped too!) being set up in front of young children was rude.

Not to mention you telling us we aren’t allowed at Christmas now. > The texts and angry voicemails were also uncalled for. > Please take some time and get back to me. I hope we can work this out as our family is very important to us. Tod. Yes well that went over about as well as water on a grease fire.

For one Timmy forwarded the email to Rhonda and Keith, Kira, and Ben. That was rude but we were going to do the same thing either way. Ben sent us a email letting us know what Timmy did and said he was sorry he wasn’t there to jump in but would try and talk to Timmy. Timmy and Ben are actually really close so it was nice to see he thought Timmy was being unreasonable as well since they are normally very close/like minded.

I’m not going to put his email here I’m just going to highlight what he said and then tell you what Keith and Rhonda said in their email/visit. * I am a cold, child hating, h**py, and I sleep around. * I’m an atheist, or a muslim… or something, he never really picked. * I am dragging Tod from the church and his family. * We don’t spend any time at all with the family anymore.

* We never spend any time with our niblings. * We are wasting our life/time/money volunteering with animals. * Helping/wanting to help refugees was un american and this is my fault since I am a first generation american and don’t understand what it means to be one/deserve to live here. * I’m rude and never talk to them unless it’s about animal rescue/animal rights

Yeah so… um. At this point we’re kinda laughing and kinda crying and kinda shocked. We spent the rest of the day cleaning up our house and talking about what we wanted to do/reply back. We hadn’t checked our email and we’d stuck our phones on vibrate and were just trying to enjoy our day off together, they’re pretty rare sadly. So suprise! His parents drove all the way out to talk to us.

I say talk, but it was more like being talked at. They asked me to leave so they could talk to Tod about ‘his actions/rude email’. Tod said no, said I was his family and his wife and we were handling this together. They then tried to convince us we had said f**k in front of the family. We didn’t. That we had mentioned buying gifts for everyone before.

That we didn’t love Jesus anymore since we hadn’t been going to church. And some of what Timmy has sent in the email too. When his Father started to insult me and then in turn my Father, Tod was done. He stood up and said “Thank you for coming to visit us in our home for the first time but we have errands to run and you need to leave now.”.

They refused, he told them they had to go, now or he’d have to call the police. They left. He cried, I cried, our cats knocked over their cups. We ended up calling my Dad and telling him everything as well as showing him both emails. He told us they have before talked s**t about me/us to him. “You should be able to fix your child still we’re still working on ours.”

was something he told us had been said. We decided we aren’t going to their Christmas either way. I told Tod I can’t go back there again, nor can I look at any of them the same again. I knew they’d always not liked me as much as some of the other daughter in laws but I didn’t know it was to that extent.

They have always been nice and polite to my face. Invited and included me in all events. No one had ever said anything to Tod either. As it stands I’m waiting for my Dad and brother to get into town and then we’re going to sit down and decide what we would like to do.

Tod said he just wants it to be small and doesn’t mind where Christmas happens and said he felt closer to my Dad and brother anyway. We told Ben what happened and shipped his gift to him. I haven’t decided yet what I will do with the niblings gifts but I already donated all of the adult gifts.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

littleorangemonkeys −  This is really s**tty but what stood out to me was how united the two of you are in this. It sucks for Tod that he now has a full realization of how terrible his family is. That’s hard for him and I know he’s going to be dealing with a lot of emotions from this. But the two of you took this hit *together* and that’s awesome. So, a bit of a silver lining? Maybe?

[Reddit User] −  FWD their emails and texts to their pastor. Maybe take a nice warm climate vacation over Easter and volunteer there locally.

OliviaPresteign −  our cats knocked over their cups. Your cats are pretty badass. Seriously, though, I’m sorry. But it sounds like you and your husband have been handling this like a united front, and that’s awesome.

Imsolost123456789 −  I’m proud of your husband for standing up for you. Go him. His family sucks. They really are terrible, greedy people. You are Better off without them.

bugsdoingthings −  Gosh, these people are such wonderful advertisements for the teachings of Jesus! How could you not want to go back to church with sterling examples like this to guide you? Seriously, I’m glad you both stood your ground, and very sorry that it turned out so n**ty.

happypolychaetes −  our cats knocked over their cups. Best part of this whole post. But seriously OP, it’s great that you and your husband are united and working through this together. Sorry your in laws are horrid. 🙁

username_choose_you −  It is just sad how many r**ist family stories have surfaced lately. OP, I’m glad to hear your husband stuck by you and you still have your family in your life.

BrettTheThreat −  This definitely isn’t over yet. Keep your eyes open and continue to stick together. He’s going to have a hell of a time cutting his family out of his life and I’m sure the drama train will be back with a vengence soon.

I_am_jacks_reddit −  The part of this I find the funniest and the most sad is when he said wanted to take care of refugees was on American when it literally says on the Statue of Liberty. Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

Idk. But to me wanting to help out refugees and the homeless sounds like one of the most American things you could ever do. Especially considering literally every single person in this country except Native Americans are the children of immigrants

Ninjacherry −  I don’t think that those people are worth having in your life. Best of luck in whatever you decide, but if I were you I’d put an indefinite hold on any kind of contact with them. There is no excuse for how they have treated you.

Navigating family expectations during the holidays can be especially challenging when old grievances resurface. Was this couple right to step away from such a toxic environment, or should they have tried to reconcile further? Share your thoughts below.