Update: My girlfriend [29F] introduced me to her son [13M] and I don’t know if I want to parent him

A Reddit user shared an uplifting update about his journey of stepping into a fatherly role for his girlfriend’s son, despite his initial doubts. Their relationship has grown stronger as they navigate life together, and with twin daughters on the way, this blended family is learning how to build a future full of love and resilience. Read the heartfelt story below.

‘ update: My girlfriend [29F] introduced me to her son [13M] and I don’t know if I want to parent him’

I’m surprised I remembered the password to this account, but I’m back! I just thought that with all the help and kindness I received, why not update? I’m still with Emily. I went forward with the idea that Emily and her son are a package deal in mind, and it’s been kind of a weird process since.

We get along really well, and I’ve found that I’m lucky to have this kid in my life. He’s funny, mature, intelligent, witty. But at the same time, he’s *not* my kid and he never will be and that’s something hard to navigate.

It’s hard even to describe the feeling- of loving this kid and feeling like a dad, but never being one and feeling like you can’t be one. But I try. It’s a lot of blood, sweat and tears (Emily can testify to the tears), but it’s so worth it.

A few weeks after I found out about him, Emily told me her son was getting picked on because he didn’t have a dad to do a father son activity at school with. I decided to go, sort of just to scope out how that sort of thing felt. The look on his face got rid of every question I’ve had, every doubt or regret.

Emily and I are in counseling. We found out shortly after I posted that Emily is pregnant- and we’re twice blessed in that it’s twin girls. There were a lot of emotions, and we both knew that it was a weird situation and we haven’t been dating that long. So, we went to see a counselor.

Sometimes Emily’s son joins us, but it’s mostly us, learning how to be our best for her son and our daughters, and each other. We’ve been definitely testing each other some days, and this pregnancy has put a strain on every relationship we have.

Her son moved in, and they’re stepping on each other’s toes. I moved in, and we’re all learning our new boundaries and new bonds. It’s hard. There’s a lot of stupid mistakes I regret making now, that I’ll regret more in 5 years. If I had s time machine and my current knowledge, I might’ve been more careful during s**.

I might’ve put distance where I didn’t. But for right now, I’m happy to be with my girlfriend and her son, waiting for our little Amelia and Lorelei. This is teaching me how to be a good dad, a good partner, and a good human. I’m learning coping skills for so many things in life, and I’m just learning how to be okay.

This is a situation a lot of people would shake their heads at and say “poor guy”, but I’m really blessed. I’m really thankful. Thanks for helping me out, everyone.

TL;DR: Emily and I are still together, raising her son and expecting twins ourselves.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  My dad isn’t my “dad”, but he chose to be my dad and that was really important to me.

scrubvictory −  Take it from someone currently holding her newborn daughter, having a baby, not to mention twins, can be really stressful and trying on even the best relationships.

I don’t want to discourage you, but rather remind you that when your precious little girls arrive you can get through the lack of sleep and stress by knowing it’s just a phase and things get better. I’m really rooting for you and your family!

L0nd0nCa77in9 −  Take the time now to build as strong a relationship as you can with the son. Be his friend and let his mother worry about being the parent. Once your daughters are born, 99% of your focus is going to be on them. When I met my now ex-wife, she had a seven year old son.

Once she got pregnant with our daughter, she told me all of this. That if I wanted to have a good and meaningful relationship with my stepson, that that was the time to make it happen. I didn’t listen to her. Once my daughter was born, the automatic bond you make with your newborn child is something that is almost undescribable.

Of course my stepson took a back seat to his new sister. My poor relationship with my stepson was a significant factor in my marriage ending. It was only after the fact that I truly understood what my now ex-wife was trying to get me to understand.

I still have a relationship with my stepson (infact he even works with me), but it’s not nearly as good a relationship as he deserved. This is one of my life’s greatest regrets. Don’t make the same mistake I made. Use this time wisely. Build something meaningful and significant now while you are able to. All the best to you.

[Reddit User] −  Don’t think “poor guy” in the slightest. You’ve navigated some really hard things and didn’t manage to s**ew up your relationship along the way. Sounds like you’re gonna be a great dad. Making mistakes is normal, it’s how we learn and grow.

ACKNOWLEDGING them and getting through them is exactly the right thing to do. Therapy is AWESOME! The dad/not dad territory can be hard…but the longer you’re around the easier it gets. The impact you’ll make on his life is a lasting one but the love you have for him will be everything. All in time. Sounds like you’re doing great even with all this. Keep it up!

[Reddit User] −  Honestly, it sounds like none of the issues from the first post were resolved and that you and Emily just made the situation a million times more complicated. Do not stop the counseling.

Wildernessinabox −  Something I noticed when you’ve written this is that you make a clear distinctions when you say “her son” and “our daughters”, I know that you are still dealing with the sense of being a dad to him but wouldn’t subtle distinctions like this make things harder. If your serious about staying with her why not think of him as your son.

[Reddit User] −  Omg this is a mess. GOOD LUCK. But it was way too soon for all of this. Her son is probably confused as f**k, you can’t father his 2 sisters and not him. 100% you have to be his true dad now or he is going to develop issues about this.

Her son just met a random dude, now you’re his dad after 6months?? And he has 2 sisters now from this random dude. Update us on this kids mental state in a few years. He is a teenager and his mom sounds extremely irresponsible to allow all of this You went from having a chill life to having 3 kids and Emily being in your life til she dies

tigers4eva −  I’m glad that things are looking good right now. I am worried that the bulk of your last post isn’t yet addressed. It’s great that you like him, and that he seems to be warming to you. But one moment of warmth is not enough to counter the difficult times up ahead as he goes into the troubling teenage years.

What happens if he decides that he wants to treat you as a father, and you are not willing to go all in for him? What happens when you have to discipline him for bad behavior or criticize him? Are you going to hold onto the notion that he is not your son and that you are not responsible for him?

Is there going to be a permanent distinction in the way you treat your twin daughters and the 13 year old? I don’t blame you for these feelings, but I think it’s worthwhile thinking about them. Being a step parent is a hard task, and needs more thought. You “just happened” to become a father AND a stepfather at the same time.

It could turn out great, but keep thinking about what’s best for the family. Take especial care of the boy, he’s in a vulnerable position, and you are just starting out with learning how to take care of kids. You seem to have a level head. I wish you all the best. Congratulations!

felo182 −  Well that was fast. Have you tried to get pregnant or did this just happen? I am happy for you. Don’t worry too much, the boy will pick you as a father figure.

[Reddit User] −  It’s hard even to describe the feeling- of loving this kid and feeling like a dad, but never being one and feeling like you can’t be one. But I try. It’s a lot of blood, sweat and tears (Emily can testify to the tears), but it’s so worth it. You’ve only even known about the kid for two months! I wish you all the best- but this is happening really fast.

Blending families is never easy, and it takes patience, love, and compromise to make it work. Do you think the user made the right choice in embracing this new chapter of his life? How would you handle stepping into a parental role for a partner’s child? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!