Boyfriend [26M] can’t stop invading my privacy to the point I [24F] feel violated and insecure in my own home

A 24-year-old woman feels violated and insecure in her own home due to her boyfriend’s relentless invasions of her privacy. Despite never giving him a reason to distrust her, he repeatedly snoops through her personal devices, deletes browser history, and accuses her of cheating. His behavior has escalated to blaming her for his trust issues, leaving her questioning her own boundaries and the future of their relationship. Read the full story below.

‘ Boyfriend [26M] can’t stop invading my privacy to the point I [24F] feel violated and insecure in my own home’

It all began after the first month we started dating and I don’t know why I didn’t end things right then and there. While I was taming a shower, he looked through all of the photos on my laptop and yelled at me cause I still had photos of me and my ex. I didn’t even remember, cause I don’t look at those photos and I guess I was too lazy to delete them. Also, I don’t use that laptop so often since it’s slow, soooo yeah, I wasn’t being sentimental.

I’ve always been a nosy person and I admit I stalked his wall, his exes, even his parents, BUT it was all public info. I’ve been alone with his laptop/phone etc. but I’ve never ever even thought about reading his private conversations. I wouldn’t do that to anyone. He doesn’t care, though. He memorized my ipad password and he read everything, including some really private posts here on reddit. He yelled at me and broke up with me.

He occasionally lurks in my facebook account, because I’m dumb and I’m always like “No, he wouldn’t do that again” but he always does. Today I was logged on our shared laptop and I saw in my fb app that there was some activity going on 40 minutes ago while I was taking a shower. I looked the chrome history, but he had deleted everything. I lost it and I started crying and he had the audacity to blame me for his trust issues and said that there is something I’m hiding since I’m reacting this way.

I tried to explain I have nothing to hide, but it’s just horrible to feel uncomfortable at home. I can’t even sleep properly anymore because I’m nervous if he’ll decide to randomly read my messages. He scrolled maybe months of my fb searches which is really embarrassing and yelled at me again. He said I must be hiding something since I’m so upset. I don’t hide anything and I never gave him a reason not too trust me.

Once he dumped me and I grabbed a beer with an old friend and he found out, blamed me for cheating on him and even complained to my mother. I go to therapy every week (not only because of him, I have other issues). There was this group session and I met a boy who has similar problems to mine and I felt that finally I’d have someone outside therapy to talk to.

He’s not my type and I didn’t like him in a romantic way, I just felt we could be friends but my boyfriend found out we’ve talked once (because he was snooping again ofc) and again yelled at me. He said I was a cheater and that’s why he had trust issues. I’ve always been faithful and I didn’t deserve this.

I changed all my passwords but I’m tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own home. He went out and told me I deserve this and he’s right to invade my privacy and I have no right to be mad. I don’t know what to do anymore. Tl;dr: Boyfriend is invading my privacy and blames me for his trust issues.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

candiedapplecrisp −  Break up. Honestly, if you can’t be comfortable at home, where else is there? He doesn’t trust you, he’s never going to trust you, you aren’t happy… what about this situation makes it worth hanging on to?

[Reddit User] −  D**P HIM, THAT’S WHAT YOU DO. YOU D**P HIM AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

UncannyCuteFuse −  This is horribly abusive behavior, and no, you don’t deserve it. My advice is end it, do what you have to do to keep yourself safe, and keep seeing your therapist.

[Reddit User] −  You (via text): I’ve enjoyed our time together, but I am breaking up with you. We have differences that are irreconcilable.. Him: (blocked)

Lorkanheartswife −  Why would you agree to marry and try to have a kid with this man? If you think he won’t constantly accuse you of the bay being someone else’s and really ramp up the abuse once you’re pregnant/married you’re really in for a rude awakening. And he won’t stop with you, he WILL do this to your children, especially if you have a girl. Why do you think so little of yourself? Why do you think you deserve this? You’re here, which means part of you knows how fucked up this is and if you’re looking for ‘permission’ or encouragement/validation- you will find it here.

But if you take nothing else away from this, take this- DO NOT get yourself any more intertwined with him than you are. No marriage, no kids, no renewing leases, no joint accounts, etc. It’s better to be alone and have to have a semi-awkward conversation with your parents about a breakup than to constantly be grilled about every little thing you do and feel like a bug under a magnifying glass rather than an autonomous woman. That last sentence is a lie. You know exactly what you have to do, you just don’t like it.

Lordica −  Don’t waste another precious minute of your life with him. He won’t change, he will only get worse. He doesn’t think he’s in the wrong- he blames you for his crazy behavior. Everything will always be your fault with this guy. You absolutely do not want to have a child with him because then you will be tied to him forever plus you will be giving him another human to emotionally abuse and control.

Make sure he doesn’t have access to your birth control, you might even consider “losing” it and getting a new supply just in case. Even better, don’t have s** with him again. Get out of your lease and get him out of your life. You can have a healthy and happy relationship, but not with this guy.

DidYouKnowYouAreFire −  He’s a horrible partner and has huge insecurity issues. He probably has something he’s hiding. But don’t worry, just end it and move on.

[Reddit User] −  Break up with this person please for your own safety. They are controlling and it will only escalate. Also 26 is a little old for this to be construed as immaturity.. ETA: “He occasionally lurks in my facebook account, because I’m dumb”. I see he’s already been eroding your self-esteem. You aren’t dumb. All kinds of men and women end up sinking into toxic and abusive relationships. But they can be ended.

dinosaur_train −  You are in an abusive relationship. When someone is in an abusive relationship what should they do? You deserve to be treated like you would advise anyone else.

noblestromana −  I didn’t end things right then and there.. Is never too late.