[UPDATE] I [34/F] suspect my husband [34/M] is having an affair with our mutual friend [29/F] and I’m not sure how to proceed.

A Redditor (34F) shared an update about her suspicions that her husband (34M) was having an affair with their mutual friend (29F), Jade. After tracking her husband and uncovering a series of lies, secret messages, and late-night calls, he admitted to emotionally cheating. Feeling betrayed and unable to rebuild trust, she decides to end the marriage. Read her full story below:

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/inica

‘ [UPDATE] I [34/F] suspect my husband [34/M] is having an affair with our mutual friend [29/F] and I’m not sure how to proceed.’

So yesterday I tracked my husband with gps and watched where he was going during the day. When I saw that he was in a car (travelling fast down a road to out of town), I casually texted him and asked what he was up to. He said he was walking to the store, which was in the opposite direction of where he was headed. I watched him all day.

Stopping here and there, going out to eat with her, travelling all over the place. I would periodically text him to make conversation, and he would lie the entire time. At one point he said he was just walking around the neighborhood thinking about “us.” My blood was boiling.

I knew he was with someone who had an iPhone because there were no calls or texts made that morning, so he must have communicated via iMessage. Jade has an iPhone. I highly suspected he was with her, but I had no proof. After he was dropped off at home he texted me saying he was sorry for being distant today, he was just doing a lot of thinking.

I didn’t tell him I knew he was lying the whole day because I had planned to gather more evidence. Later in the evening I couldn’t take it any more. I asked him where he was all day, and he said “What do you mean, I told you I was walking around.” In my rage I said “I know you are lying. I know where you’ve been.” He admitted to spending a little time with Jade, that they went and grabbed something to eat.

I told him I knew about everywhere he went. I knew about the late night phone calls (while I was watching him yesterday I checked the phone records and saw an unbelievable amount of calls going back and forth between them. I don’t know why I didn’t think to check the call records on Monday). I knew about the secret private messages on social media. I knew about it all.

He confessed that he and Jade have gotten really close and spend a lot of time together, talking. At first he said it was innocent. I told him if it was innocent, he wouldn’t be lying and sneaking around. He agreed and admitted he knew what he was doing was wrong. I texted Fred last night and told him everything I knew.

He said he had been uncomfortable with their friendship for a while, but didn’t know if I was or if I even knew. We talked for a while, but I don’t know what they are going to do. All I know is I am getting a divorce. My husband claims their relationship was never physical but I can never trust him again.

No matter what he does or where he goes, I will always question who he is with and if he’s lying to me. I cannot and will not spend my life tracking my husband and making sure he is where he says he is, and isn’t sneaking around with other women. I deleted and blocked Jade off of all my social media accounts.

I didn’t text her or say anything to her. I know if I even tried I would end up saying some pretty foul stuff to her, which she deserves, but I’m better than that. So not only did I lose an extremely s**tty friend in this whole thing, I am also losing my best friend, the love of my life, and the father of my children. I am destroyed.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

sunshineweave −  I hear Fred is available.

half-dozen-cats −  No matter what he does or where he goes, I will always question who he is with and if he’s lying to me. I cannot and will not spend my life tracking my husband and making sure he is where he says he is, and isn’t sneaking around with other women.

S**t. Sorry it turned out like this OP but you’re right about trust. To me it always reminds me of that Brady Bunch episode where they broke the vase and glued it back together. It still ended up leaking.

WHUFC118 −  My husband claims their relationship was never physical. Yet you know they spent the night together more than once. He is, of course, still lying, because he’s a liar. Just not a very good one.

[Reddit User] −  No advice, but just wanted to commend you on the choice of the pseudonym “Jade” for your husband’s downlow paramour. (It being a euphemism for “prostitute.”)

FlyLesbianSeagull −  “I cannot and will not spend my life tracking my husband and making sure he is where he says he is, and isn’t sneaking around with other women.”
“I know if I even tried I would end up saying some pretty foul stuff to her, which she deserves, but I’m better than that.” YAS QUEEN. You kick so much ass. Way to go for doing what’s best for you AND being a classy m**herfucker. You just keep doing you Op, because you are awesome.

Prince-Gnarls −  You did the right thing OP – the overnight trips were likely the times it got physical. There were countless other opportunities too! :/ Didn’t he fight for the marriage at all?

OoLaLana −  I know it’s bleak and scary for you right now… but this is not how your life will look. Somewhere in the future you’ll look back and actually be grateful for this to have happened. You are going to experience things, find inner strength you never knew existed, and come out the other side a better, stronger, wiser person. Trust me!

When I was in my early 30s I found myself a single mom with an ex who declared he’d ‘*drag me through court and make me spend every penny I had*’ which I believed because he came from a well-off family and he had the education and money-making career going for him. I didn’t. I was an insecure, frightened, financially challenge mess. Whoa… did I ever discover a different me!

Here’s some things that worked for me, so maybe keep these in mind as you move forward: * If you can afford therapy, go. What I discovered about myself, and why I married who I married (so I wouldn’t repeat the mistake) changed the trajectory of my life. It also sent me off on a journey of discovery and self-awareness which has been fascinating.

* If you can’t afford therapy, read. Go to the library. It’s free. Read autobiographies about people who have gone through adversity and come out the other side. You may read a dozen books till an author resonates with you… but there are people who have taken this path before you and are now showing you the way.

Find someone who you can relate to. (For me it’s my dog-eared copies of “Broken Open, How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow” by Elizabeth Lesser, and “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle that helped me.) * Accept help and support from family and friends.

* Anger and fear and worry are not good places to make decisions from. When you are making plans, whether long or short term, do your best to brush the emotional shroud away from your thinking. Do what’s best for your kids, for you… and don’t do something to specifically hurt your ex. That’s just wasted energy.

* Don’t speak ill of your children’s father. That helps no one and your kids will remember when they’re older. Buckle down and accept the fact that your life will now look different. But the good thing is that from here on in, you are the driver and in control. Look out into the future and decide what you want that to look like, and then set off on this new journey.

It’s a long road but you can do it. FYI, I’m now 60, happily single, mortgage and debt-free, retired, enjoying a wonderful friendship with my adult son… and am living a life far better than I ever dreamed possible.

But it took some sacrifice, some hard decision making, and patience in believing things would get better. Then somewhere along the line the scales tipped in my favour (WAY in my favour) and everything paid off. I truly believe you can eventually have all this too.. Good luck!

DCharlieW −  I respect you for just blocking her and letting her husband deal with her while you deal with your soon to be ex. Marriage is tough and your husband fucked it up by not putting his energy in the right place. I’m sorry OP, this is a fucked up situation.

Sunnydays405 −  Emotional affairs are often worse than s**ual ones IMO. Not proud, but I was “the other woman” in what I label an emotional affair years ago. The dude was constantly emailing me telling me how crappy his marriage was and how lucky any man would be to have me.

My dad was dying of cancer and I could not focus on a “real” relationship. So I ate up every single thing he told me. The kicker was his jealousy when I went on vacation with my male BFF and he acted like we shouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed together. WTF?

Hot Married Guy and I never had s** but looking back had I been his wife and seen those 100s of emails over the course of several months it would not have seemed that way. They eventually divorced, after we had not talked in years. I thought that meant an open door for us to be together. We went out once. Then he ghosted. True colors.

[Reddit User] −  Please repeat this to yourself s this is happening. A. He isn’t your best friend, friends don’t treat best friends like this. So the position is up for grabs, use your people and love them tightly. B. He isn’t the love of your life, he’s the love of your life so far. And a s**tty one, so the bar is low. I have a feeling you’ll be surprised. C. He might be their father, but he isn’t a husband. That’s for f**king sure.

This heartbreaking situation sheds light on the devastating effects of emotional infidelity and betrayal in a marriage. Do you think trust can ever be rebuilt after such a breach, or is ending the relationship the best choice? Share your thoughts below.