Me (31F) with acquaintance (72M) is it appropriate to go to his funeral?

A Reddit user (31F) shared her heartfelt story about a kind older man (72M) she saw daily on her train commute for six years. Despite limited language skills, they developed a warm connection, exchanging greetings and small talk. After learning of his passing, she wonders if attending his funeral would be appropriate, as she wants to say goodbye and honor his kindness. Read the full story below for more details:

‘ Me (31F) with acquaintance (72M) is it appropriate to go to his funeral?’

I’ve been taking the same train to work for 6 years. There was an older Hispanic man I always saw on my route to work, he speaks nearly no English, and my Spanish is awful but for whatever reason we began saying hi to each other. Because I was always on my way to work I never really got to know him too well.

But 5 days a week for 6 years he would try his best English and I would do my best Spanish and we’d say hi, how are you, talk about the weather or recent holiday etc. Obviously we weren’t super close and I didn’t even know his name until recently. But he always got my day off to a good start and I always missed him on the days he wasn’t there.

One time it was very hot and I collapsed coming out of the station and he bought me a water and called me a cab. I will really miss our morning greetings. Well he wasn’t around for 2 weeks, which is the longest he’s ever been gone so I went inside the coffee shop he’s always in front of and asked about him and they told me he passed away.

Apparently he had been very sick and just passed over the weekend. They’re holding his funeral tomorrow and I think I’d like to go. None of his friends and family are going to know who the f**k I am, so I’m not sure if it’s appropriate. I don’t want to be a distraction on their day of remembrance.

I also worry because the service is in a Spanish language church in the Hispanic neighborhood and It’s very likely **someone** will speak English, but I worry I won’t be able to explain who I am and what this old man meant to me.

I guess I selfishly want to say goodbye too, but I would also love to be able to tell them what a kind and sweet man he was to me so if anyone knows a relatively good translation site I could use, I though if I go I’d maybe bring a card? I guess I just want to know if any of this is okay or if I’m intruding?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Puffyface83 −  Oh corse you should go. There was nothing more touching to my grandmother than seeing the people whose lives my grandfather touched with out even really realizing. I’m sure it will mean a lot to the family that he had an impact on your life. Edit to add: maybe it’s more appropriate to go to the wake if there is one and introduce yourself there first

wonderwife −  It’s never selfish to go to someone’s funeral. I promise nobody will be the least offended if you get the opportunity to tell someone, “I didn’t know Julio well, but he always made my day brighter. I will miss him”. My Dad died last year and it was amazing the number of people that came from all over to remember him with us. It was special to see people whose lives he had touched, even in the most minor of ways.

[Reddit User] −  Nah, this is all in your head. It’s almost always appropriate to go to a funeral. Just go, sit in the back or off to the side, and pay your respects. I’m sure one of his younger relatives will speak English.

[Reddit User] −  Definitely go and pay your respects. If anybody approaches you and doesn’t speak english, google translate should work just fine, but I’m guessing that’s not going to be much of a problem.

Sheephuddle −  That’s a lovely thing to do and a kind gesture. Assuming he was Catholic, burying the dead is regarded as a Corporal Work of Mercy and your attendance at the funeral will be appreciated.

Grasshopperontheroad −  I think you should go, it might actually mean a lot to people there that he touched a strangers life so much they also came, kinda reinforces how much he mattered. I wouldn’t bring a card in Spanish unless you have a Spanish speaking friend to help write it. Online translation services are generally in accurate for things more complicated than basic phrases

jennifereetah −  My little brothers funeral was in March. After the service, people were coming up to me and introducing themselves and telling me how they knew my brother and other little stories. I remember every single one and am still so grateful to know about those things.

Do you maybe have a friend that knows Spanish that could maybe translate the story to one of his family members of him helping you when you fainted?. Either way my vote is “go.” Edit to add, his younger relatives probably speak English.

siscat12 −  You should absolutely go. I remember at my grandma’s funeral, there were SO many people there that no one in my family knew. But these people knew her, and she knew these people, and I just thought that was kind of beautiful.

Showed a whole other side to my grandmother that we didn’t get to know while she was alive. Chances are, given how you’ve described him, you wouldn’t be the only “stranger” that he impacted. He sounded lovely and I’m sorry for your loss.

snazzynewshoes −  I guess I just want to know if any of this is okay or if I’m intruding? Funerals are for the living. i think the family would enjoy knowing their relative made an impact on your life just by being a good person.

JackNotName −  I don’t see why not. When someone asks you how you knew him, just be honest. Let them know that even though you didn’t know him well, he had become part of you life, and that you will miss him. Most likely, his loved ones will actually appreciate that. It adds another facet to the man they loved.

Saying goodbye to someone who impacted your life in small but meaningful ways is a beautiful way to honor their memory. What advice would you give to this Redditor about attending the funeral or sharing her sentiments with his family? Share your thoughts below.