Me [23F] with my friend [23F], she cheated on her boyfriend/my friend [25M] and doesn’t want to come clean

A Reddit user shared her dilemma about whether to tell her friend James that his girlfriend, Sarah, cheated on him with her bisexual friend. Sarah confessed to the infidelity, but doesn’t want to come clean to James, thinking it wasn’t “real” cheating because it was with a woman.

The user is torn between her loyalty to both friends and whether to inform James, especially since they have a big trip planned. Read the original story below to understand the full situation and the user’s internal conflict.

‘ Me [23F] with my friend [23F], she cheated on her boyfriend/my friend [25M] and doesn’t want to come clean’

My friend (lets call her Sarah), cheated on her boyfriend and one of my good friends (James). I’m honestly flabbergasted since I never expected anything like this would happen. I’ve met James in 2010 when we both joined the same class. We spent two years together in this class but didn’t get along too well – we talked, but never met up outside of school.

We were friendly with each other, but not friends. We both parted ways and did our own thing.. which happened to be the same thing, again. We spent the next two years in the same class once again and actually became friends. We met up outside of school, studied together, etc. In the last year we both met Sarah because she joined our class.

They fell in love immediately, have been together ever since (4 years) and started slacking in school. I did my own thing, but Sarah and I became friends, too. Nowadays we meet up once or twice a month to talk or watch movies. We usually text each other on a weekly basis.

Sarah apparently went clubbing with her best friend [24F] who happens to be bisexual. They drank a lot, went home to her friends flat and watched some netflix. Then one thing led to another (what the heck does that even mean) and they started making out.. and more. Sarah was on her period so her friend couldn’t eat her out, but Sarah decided to eat her out and they basically went all in.

She told me all this last night because it was her first time with a woman and she felt weird afterwards, when I asked her when she wants to tell James about it she said she probably wouldn’t tell him at all because he would likely end the relationship. He once got mad when she kissed said friend a year ago because he thought they were making out, although it was just a small kiss.

I told her that she should still tell him because he has a right to know. She thinks that it wasn’t even “real” cheating because it was with a woman and if he knew about it before it happened he’d be really into it. She also doesn’t feel too bad about it, just weird.

What the hell do I do, reddit? They’re both my friends and I honestly want to tell him about it because he deserves to know the truth and decide for himself if this is a dealbreaker for him (it 100% will be). However, they’ve got a big trip planned for next week and will be gone two weeks.

Do I tell him if she won’t? If yes, do I tell him before or after the trip? It’s not refundable and he is SO excited for it. She asked me not to tell him and I of course said sure, but that was when I thought she wanted to tell him. It just feels wrong not to tell him, but I don’t want to be the reason their relationship ends.

My boyfriend told me to wait for a bit and maybe she’ll tell him then, but I honestly don’t think so. She just seemed so.. nonchalant about it. The only thing that really bothered her was the weird feeling about eating out a woman, not cheating on her boyfriend. I’d be SO mad if James knew my boyfriend cheated on me and didn’t tell me, so I guess I should definitely tell him? Help me, please.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

arobkinca −  If you don’t tell him you should stop thinking of yourself as his friend. Friends don’t let their friends get cheated on and leave them in the dark about it. If you are going to tell him, do it soon. I think it’s reasonable to give her the chance to come clean as long as she does it in a timely manner. If you wait weeks and they go on that trip you risk damaging your friendship. He may feel you held back vital information from him.

[Reddit User] −  you have no indication if she will tell him, you only have an indication that she won’t tell him. and she won’t because she knows she cheated, she knows he will break up with her and now she’s spinning it because she doesn’t want to lose the relationship.. it is real cheating.

you gotta make a choice between your conscience and your friends. if you don’t tell your conscience will probably keep bothering you about it for a while as it is doing now. if you do tell be prepared to lose the cheating friend because she won’t appreciate this one bit. can’t say ifyou lose the male friend to but if you tell he might be pissed at you first but that is just a first reaction, do not give it too much value.

if you are going to tell, do so before the trip, if you tell after that trip will always have a black mark on it and a trip is more expensive then just the hotel and flight. as a last thing I would tell him OP and if I was the male I would like to be told.

This is a challenging situation where the user is caught between supporting her friend and doing the right thing for James. Do you think the user should tell James about the cheating, or is it better to stay out of it and let Sarah handle the situation? How would you approach this if you were in the user’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/NaENr