My sister [32] and her husband [30] are getting evicted from their apartment, and my mom [65] and dad [67] thinks that I [40M] should let them live in my beach house for free

A successful 40-year-old engineer and architect finds himself in a difficult position when his parents pressure him to let his financially irresponsible sister and her husband live rent-free in his beach house after they are evicted. Despite his parents’ demands, the user feels it’s unfair to sacrifice his hard-earned property, especially when his parents, who have a larger home, have not offered to help.

The user wants to find a way to handle the situation that doesn’t involve giving up his beach house while still being supportive and maintaining family harmony. Read the full story for more details and to share your advice.

‘ My sister [32] and her husband [30] are getting evicted from their apartment, and my mom [65] and dad [67] thinks that I [40M] should let them live in my beach house for free’

I’m a successful engineer and architect. Did it on my own, no help from parents. I moved from their house at eighteen and lived on my own, and paid for my own things ever since. Paid for my own college with loans, and paid those all back with my own job. Sister was different. They spoiled her. She was the baby.

My dad was earning more money by the time she was born and since I was out of the house they had more money to buy her whatever she wanted, including a thirty thousand dollar wedding when she was 22, to a guy two years younger than her who never went to college. She went to college for a degree in fashion and did a grand total of nothing with it.

Her husband has always been spotty with employment, and my parents are always bailing him and my sister out because his own parents are dead or don’t talk to him. He’s supposed to be a professional DJ. Anyway I have a large apartment in the city where I live with my wife [39] and daughter [4]. I own a small beach condo (two bedrooms).

My family usually goes there when the weather is good. My sister and her husband are getting thrown out of their apartment because both of them are deadbeats. My mom and dad are I guess tired of giving them money because now my mom is telling me I should either give my sister money or let her and her husband live in my beach house rent free.

I don’t want them to live in my beach house, and told my mother as much. My mom says I’m being cruel and selfish. What’s “cruel and selfish” I think is the fact that mom and dad live in a three bedroom house and haven’t invited sister and her husband to live with them but are putting it on me.

My wife is being nice about it and telling me to do what’s right but I can tell she will miss visiting the beach house. Plus I think that once my sister and her worthless husband get in, they will never leave. My parents are telling me to “man up” and be a big brother. Looking for advice on how to best handle this in a way that doesn’t let them have my beach house, but still isn’t cruel, and is helpful.

Check out how the community responded:

crymsin −  No. You’ll wind up having to evict them yourself given their spotty employment and already getting evicted from their current apartment. He’s supposed to be a professional DJ. Look forward to a trashed beach house, neighbors who hate you, noise complaints and fines after they’ve thrown massives raves.

teresajs −  You need to say “No”. Your sister and her husband are irresponsible. Your parents may enable that behavior but you should not. If you let them into your condo, you can pretty much guarantee that you will end up having to evict them and they will damage your condo.

If you think your parents are calling you names now, wait until you hear what they call you when you evict your sister. You need to tell your parents, “I love you both, but you have always spoiled Sister. If you want to have Sis and BIL move in with you, that is your right. But I will not enable their irresponsible behavior. They are both adults and need to start taking care of themselves.”

zombiesandpandasohmy −  This isn’t “being nice” or “doing what’s right”, it’s enabling. You let your sister live there, you will end up having to evict her and probably have to pay a bunch of money to repair and clean up the place, not to mention you won’t get to use the beach house you bought and pay taxes on, for likely years.

First thing’s first; **go to your beach house, change and up grade the locks.** Don’t give your parents a key. Make sure it’s locked up tight, and ask your neighbors if you have any that you know to keep an eye on the place. From now on, **your parents and your sister don’t get to use it any more. Your sister is a 32 year old married woman.

She and her husband can take care of each other. Your parents are obviously tired of taking care of them, but because they’ve spoiled her instead of letting her stand on her own two (well four, since there’s two of them) feet, they want you to take care of her instead. Tell them no. Don’t give your sister a penny.

If your parents harass you about it, a simple, “I worked hard and took care of myself, including putting myself through school without any help and now taking care of my family. There’s no reason Sister and BIL can’t do the same. I have my own family to take care of. I no longer wish to discuss this; you help them if you feel they need help.” If your parents persist, go low contact with them.

littlewoolie −  Make sure you grab every key to that beach house you can. I wouldn’t put it past your parents to give your sister the key to “let herself in”. Tell your mum that your beach house is none of her business and she has no right to offer your property and assistance because she pooped you out several years ago.

My wife is being nice about it and telling me to do what’s right but I can tell she will miss visiting the beach house. Then start renting the beach house out to paying people when you don’t go on vacation there. Send your sister to the welfare office to sign up for housing and food stamps, etc.

[Reddit User] −  No. Tell them all to f**k off.

Berrybeak −  Stand your ground on this one. Your sister needs to learn how life is without a safety net always there’s to catch her. They will have to both get a job or bite the bullet and move back in with your parents if they are soft enough. This is not your problem though.

Offer to help in some other way perhaps. Job hunting, apartment hunting etc but do not give them your house. Your parents created this dependency issue and I think you should point that out to them. “Manning up” is standing up for yourself here – not caving in to parent pressure.

IGotMeatSweats −  Since they created that mess of dependency they might as well see it through. So stand your ground and accept the labeling of j**k until it blows over.

WildlyUninteresting −  Don’t let your family bully you into bad decisions. Your wife and child do not deserve the stress and financial loss this situation would cost you. Just think of them whenever you answer.. Be a protective dad and husband.. They will…. Never leave your place. They will force you into long drawn out evictions.

They will cost you, time, energy, money and damage to your place.. Legal fees. Utilities they will never pay. Anger from neighbours, police and the city. Legal landlord responsibilities without income.. Loss of your use of you place. They will tarnish your happy thoughts of your escape place. There is ZERO upside. They will be totally ungrateful and undeserving. If mom is that concerned about her child. She will protect her.

macimom −  “no. But I totally support you guys taking them in and will help with the moving.” “im not the parent and I haven’t enabled this kind of behavior. I have my own family to support and think about”. “No”. NO, this is not up for debate.” “Im going to have to say good bye since you keep trying to guilt m into something I have been clear I am not doing. Please give me a call when you ar ready to talk about other things”

bickets −  No, no, no, and f**k no. Do not do it. I went through a similar situation and it ended up costing me many thousands of dollars. He was going through a hard time so I let him move into an unoccupied apartment I had. Once his rent and utilities were taken care of, he suddenly became completely unemployed and “couldn’t find a job.”

He started regularly hitting me up for gas and grocery money in addition to the free apartment. It took two years before I eventually realized that I was enabling and not helping and I kicked him out. There was ugly drama and he ended up being cut off by everyone in the family because of it.

Miraculously, since he has been out on his own and had to pay his own bills he has managed to stay employed. Funny how that works. Your parents aren’t asking you to help your sister and her husband, they are asking you to enable them. Seriously, don’t do it. There will be so, so many regrets if you do.