I (23F) broke up with my boyfriend (33M) and moved out, and he’s still acting like we’re together

A Reddit user shared her experience of breaking up with her boyfriend due to his behavior and drinking habits. Despite moving out and clearly ending the relationship, he continues to act as if they’re still together. Now, she’s seeking advice on handling this difficult situation. Read the full story below for all the details.

‘ I (23F) broke up with my boyfriend (33M) and moved out, and he’s still acting like we’re together’

I ended things the other day. Packed my stuff, told him bc of his drinking, and being treated constantly like sh*t I was done and gone. I moved out the same night. I told him that bc I love him and care about him I’d like to remain friends and check in on him.

I even agreed to go to a movie this weekend that we were originally planning on seeing. The thing is, he is still texting me constantly starting it with “babe” and ending it with “I love you” I feel obligated to tell him I love him back, (bc I do, but not romantically anymore, which he knows). When I was leaving he asked if it was forever and I didn’t want to say yes and hurt him more so I said something like “I can’t say what the future holds”. Advice?

TLDR; ex bf still acts like we’re together

Edit to add: okay guys, I get it. I’m at fault here. This is my first breakup and first relationship, I have no idea what I’m doing. I will talk to him. Thanks for the comments.

Edit #2: I phoned him. I cancelled the movie, set clear boundaries and was upfront and honest with him. He hung up on me just as I was about finished, so I’ll take that as him understanding. Thanks again for the comments. Hope you all have a good day.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

ClickClork −  told him that bc I love him and care about him I’d like to remain friends and check in on him.. This is your mistake. I even agreed to go to a movie this weekend that we were originally planning on seeing.. This is another mistake.

I didn’t want to say yes and hurt him more so I said something like “I can’t say what the future holds”. This is a very big mistake.. Advice? Stop talking to him. At least for a while.

Argos2892 −  You’re BOTH acting like you’re still together. You reply “I love you” to his texts, you’re going to a movie with him this weekend and when he asks if it’s permanent you give him the impression it’s only a break.

I know you’re doing all these things because you still care for him as a friend and don’t want to hurt him, but you’ve got to reread what you just wrote and realise you’re giving him the wrong impression at best, or stringing him along at worst.

Do the right thing and communicate clearly to him that it’s over. It’s NOT a break, you’re NOT getting back together, the relationship is over and it’s final. Don’t expect him to “read between the lines”. Be crystal clear. And then go no contact. Let him know you’re going no contact not because you hate him but because it’s the only way the two of you can get over this break up.

Fishgottaswim78 −  I told him that bc I love him and care about him I’d like to remain friends. This is not going to work with this guy. He doesn’t care that you’ve decided to break up with him, he thinks he can manipulate you in to staying with him. You need to go cold turkey and block him entirely from your phone and socials. Don’t tell him where you moved to either.. check in on him

He’s **10 years** older than you. He doesn’t need you to take care of him. It was weird and kinda predatory that he was with someone your age to begin with. How long were you together?

When I was leaving he asked if it was forever and I didn’t want to say yes and hurt him more so I said something like “I can’t say what the future holds” Say it’s forever or he’ll never take you seriously. Altho tbh, it doesn’t sound like he’ll take you seriously even if you do tell him it’s forever.

It sounds like this guy treated you like s**t, maybe was even abusive. The last thing he deserves is for you to continue coddling him like this. Please stop. Clean break, move on. Do NOT look back.

edit: felt the need to bold the age gap, which many other comments seem to be ignoring and seems very relevant here.

kamikasei −  I told him that bc I love him and care about him I’d like to remain friends and check in on him… I feel obligated to tell him I love him back… I said something like “I can’t say what the future holds”

Stop doing all of this immediately. Whatever your good intentions, you can see that the result is to enable his self-delusion. Send him one last message saying that, on reflection, you don’t want to remain friends and think it’s better to make a clean break, that you won’t be contacting him again. Then block him.

Talk to a trusted friend or family member, let them know you’re doing this, and contact *them* in the future if you feel yourself about to try to talk to this guy again. Get a journal or just your phone’s Notes and write down some reminders of why you broke up with him, and refer to that in future moments of weakness.

arcxiii −  You need to make a clean break. You aren’t helping him by letting him cling to hope and he clearly is still trying to pursue you and not be an actual friend.

K8inspace −  By telling him you love him back, makes him think you’re still in a relationship. Quit while you’re ahead. There are better things waiting for you.

DFahnz −  Um…you’re doing that too, so…

PotentialSecond68 −  You literally are going on a date to the movies. Stop confusing him and block him on everything. Unless children are involved there is no reason to be friends with an ex

[Reddit User] −  I’m physically recoiling at all the horrible mistakes you’ve managed to accumulate in such a short span of time.

farawayouterspace −  Why do you want to have a friend that has a drinking problem and constantly treats you like s**t? I know there are feelings there but it’s times like these where reason needs to prevail over emotion because yes, you care about him but no, you should not keep a person like this in your life. It’s not healthy. Also the age gap is concerning.

What do you think about her decision to set boundaries with her ex? Was it fair to maintain some communication, or did it send mixed signals? How would you handle a similar situation involving a persistent ex-partner? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!