AITA for telling my girlfriend’s friend to watch her mouth when she insinuated that my girlfriend isn’t a real woman?

A Reddit user shared a tense moment from a double date that caused a rift between his girlfriend and her friend, Amy. After Amy made a snide comment about his girlfriend needing “fake boobs” because she doesn’t “eat like a real woman,” he snapped back at her, causing a scene at the restaurant. While he felt the comment was deeply offensive, his girlfriend believes Amy didn’t mean to hurt her and worries that the fallout may end their friendship. Wonder how it all played out? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my girlfriend’s friend to watch her mouth when she insinuated that my girlfriend isn’t a real woman?’

I went on a dinner double date with my girlfriend, my girlfriend’s friend Amy, and Amy’s boyfriend. We’re all in our early 20s. My girlfriend hangs out with Amy quite often. I see her from time to time, but I’ve never cared for her cheeky attitude. The tipping point was tonight.

Dinner was going alright until Amy’s boyfriend innocently commented on how little my girlfriend ate. She usually gives me half her entrée. After that, Amy, who isn’t stick thin like my girlfriend, snidely remarked that my girlfriend wouldn’t need fake boobs if she ate like a real woman.

I loudly told her to watch her fat g**damn mouth and that her comment was both rude and unnecessary. Amy isn’t overweight by most standards, but that adjective slipped out because of what she said prior. Many people turned their eyes toward us.

My girlfriend and Amy’s boyfriend tried to quell the ruckus, but Amy got up and told me to have fun with my Barbie doll before she motioned Amy’s boyfriend to get up and leave with her. Don’t worry, you pay before you get your food at this restaurant.

My girlfriend and I talked about Amy. She kept saying that Amy and some of her friends make those comments all the time and they don’t mean them to be derogatory. I tried to convince my girlfriend that no friend would make those types of comments and she’s better off without someone like Amy in her life.

My girlfriend still thinks that Amy didn’t mean to hurt her with the “real woman” and “Barbie doll” comments and I didn’t read the room correctly. She told me she feared Amy not wanting to be friends with her anymore after my creating a rift between them. I couldn’t get though to her no matter how much I tried.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

rezerster −  As someone who used to be super thin I can confirm that people make these kind of comments all the time. It’s considered rude to comment on someone’s body when they’re fat, but perfectly normal when they are skinny – this is exactly what you have experienced here, the double standard.

I can also confirm that it is definitely damaging to your self image as a skinny girl to constantly hear these kinds of things. Being too thin can be extremely unhealthy. When you identify as the skinny girl you often deliberately make choices to keep you skinny, because that’s who you are. Like only eating half your meals, only choosing healthy food etc.

Most of the time the people affected don’t necessarily realise what they’re doing. Some people take it too far and they become anorexic or bulimic. I have 2 sisters who have battled with eating disorders because of it. One is so bad she has ruined her teeth from vomiting (bulimic) and has to get regular IV nutrients just to stay alive.

I realise you were standing up for your girl, and kudos to you for that. If you had omitted the word fat from your insult I’d be all for you, but knowing how bad body image issues are for so many people I have to say ESH. She shouldn’t say what she said, but likely doesn’t realise the impact of her statements. But on that same token, it’s never ok to use language that makes someone feel bad about their body – fat or thin.

GigaPandesal −  ESH. Even if it’s a normal thing for Amy to tease your gf about her weight (or her fake boobs), a double date might not have been the appropriate time for that, unless you guys are very close already. Loudly calling her fat probably just made things worse though.

ShelfLifeInc −  ESH. Amy sounds like a piece of work, but dude: I loudly told her to watch her fat g**damn mouth and that her comment was both rude and unnecessary. Many people turned their eyes toward us. Have some class. If someone is rude, you don’t cause a scene.

You stand up and walk out. Or you tell them, “Wow, that was an incredibly rude and n**ty comment.” Don’t humiliate yourself and your girlfriend by suddenly raising your vice and being obnoxious. Your girlfriend sounds like she has huge self-esteem issues if she’s worried about how much Amy likes her when Amy treated her like s**t. But you didn’t make the situation better, you actually made it worse.

MattTheSmithers −  ESH. Amy was out of line but so were you. Also, consider how your girlfriend felt. You are giving her no agency in this situation. I don’t see many people raising this point but it is crucial to the a**hole determination.

We all have friends who are regular ballbusters. Your GF knows that’s who Amy is and chooses to associate anyway. Has it occurred to you that Amy’s ballbusting is something she doesn’t mind, or maybe even finds endearing? In fact, that is exactly what your GF’s response indicates. But you’re just brushing that off and supplanting her judgment for what is an appropriate boundary in her friendship with your own.

But even if Amy went over the line, if this is the nature of their relationship/your GF failed to set boundaries, Amy had no reason to think she crossed the line. Yet you are suddenly telling her to shut her fat mouth for behavior that is normal in their relationship.

In addition, consider the inverse. Consider that you were hanging out with one of your bros and they busted your chops, as guys tend to do. Even if one crossed the line, how embarrassed/emasculated would you feel if your GF came rushing to your defense and insulted your friend in a manner that was way over the line? Bet ya wouldn’t like it.

Yet it’s okay to put yourself in the white knight role and insert yourself into a dynamic that probably predates your relationship with your GF? What you are essentially saying is “it’s my place to dictate how your friends can appropriately interact with you.”

Give your GF some agency. Your failure to do so puts you closer to the a**hole side of the spectrum than Amy, IMO. Though I’d need to know more about GF’s relationship with Amy before fully passing judgment on her.

Edit: Hey! Thanks for the gold and silver!

TheFlabbs −  NTA. Your partner unfortunately sounds used to the unfair treatment she’s subjected to by Amy and her friend group, so much so that she is prioritizing how it would put a bump in the dynamic of her friend group before her own feelings, because that’s the thing — it most definitely does hurt your girlfriend’s feelings whether or not she leads you on to believe so.

Your girlfriend more than likely got b**ast implants because she is insecure to some degree about her body, and Amy’s comments most definitely do not help alleviate those insecurities your girlfriend most likely has.

No person who truly cares about their significant other would idly sit by while their partner receives unfair treatment. This is humor that you’re supposed to grow out of in high school, and yet Amy thinks it’s appropriate to belittle your girlfriend in public for other people to possibly hear.

The whole dynamic of her friend group is very bizarre for me to imagine adults partaking in, so I’m glad that you shut it down when it was presented. However, a bigger theme to consider — will Amy truly grow to understand how hurtful these comments are if they’re used in retaliation against her?

abadfoodfriend −  Esh – except your gf. Sadly I think it comes down to your girlfriend whether she continues this friendship or confronts these people. But you lashing out on her behalf is an A move. Of course the “friend” is too, but you can only control your own actions. You can’t make the friend nicer nor can you force your gf to cut ties of she doesn’t want to.

hufflepuffonthis −  YTA. You know how guys like to rip on each other and there’s nothing malicious behind it, it’s just f**king around with friends? That’s what her and her friend were doing. Girls do it too. You made things HELLA awkward. It was a joke, and then you got all serious and took it to a personal place, and made it weird.

I would have left too, there’s no way I’d keep sitting with someone that just told me to shut my fat godamn mouth. You shouldn’t have taken the situation so seriously. Way overreacted.

this_is_an_alaia −  ESH once again a redditor turns what would be an easy answer by throwing back cruel insults. When it’s so awful to Amy and makes her feel bad, why would the best option be “make somebody else feel just as bad”?

yoboizack −  NTA ive been bullied my whole life for being “stick thin” and i think that making comments about one’s appearance regardless of whether they’re fat, thin, short or tall is just plain rude. If someone made comments like that to my girlfriend id have the same reaction as you did, and that girl sounds like an a**hole anyways so good job for saying something instead of letting it fly.

-yasssss- −  ESH – not because you stood up for your girlfriend, but because your response was way out of line. There were a million better ways to object to what she was saying, but because you went for a childish insult, she now thinks *you’re* the a**hole and not her. I would apologise for saying what you did, while also telling her that your apology doesn’t excuse her s**tty comments and that they were still inappropriate.

Do you think the Redditor was right to call out Amy for her rude comment, or did he overstep in trying to defend his girlfriend? How would you handle a situation where a friend made such remarks? Share your thoughts below!