I [37/F] absolutely cannot stand my coworker [48/F] – How can I deal with this woman?

A Reddit user shares their frustration with an overbearing coworker whose behavior makes the workplace unbearable. From constant chatter and unsolicited commentary to frequent arguments and hypocritical actions, the coworker’s antics have left the user dreading work.

Despite using earbuds and trying to avoid confrontation, the coworker’s proximity and persistence make the situation overwhelming. With a boss unwilling to address the issue, the user is contemplating quitting what is otherwise a great job. For more details and advice from others, read the full story below.

‘ I [37/F] absolutely cannot stand my coworker [48/F] – How can I deal with this woman?’

Have you ever just met someone who embodies everything you hate? This is that person for me. We work in a very small department (for about 2 years now) and she is practically within arms length of me. Why cannot I not stand her? Well.. She talks all day long. To me, to others, to her sister on the phone, etc.

If you don’t talk to her, she gets her feelings hurt and then huffs and puffs all day long. Or she leaves and goes to some other department to talk about us. She fights with someone at least once a day. Me, her husband, her sister, our boss. Speaking of which… If I say “it’s a nice day out” – I will get 100 reasons back on why it isn’t a nice day.

She can literally argue about anything with anyone. The one time I stopped the “fight” and told her I didn’t care about what we were arguing about – she cried for the rest of the afternoon.
I get constant commentary on my actions – especially with food (I am on a diet and SHOULD be). God forbid I don’t eat the amount of food she thinks I should.

It is like having the mother you never wanted telling you your not eating enough. OH…she is also a “vegan” (Except for the **bacon** she eats every morning). So we get preachy commentary also about meat, straws, recycling, animals, tree-hugging (literally) etc. All while she eats bacon, uses 100 Styrofoam cups a day, has non-neutered pets etc. Basically shes a h**ocrite.

Gotta go to the bathroom? Well you should have asked her also if she needed to go so you both could go together. If its time to go to a meeting together she will yell rudely “are we going or not?”. She acts like we are all joined at the hip. Are you cold? Well she is colder. Are you sick? She’s been sicker. Family member died? Well hers are deader.

We are always in some weird competition with her. Especially if it has to do with being seen as small, sickly, victim-y. It is so bizarre. She doesn’t pull her weight at work. She is hidden from our bosses view – so she spends hours on her phone. If you try to get her to help out or cover for someone on vacation she gives about 100 reasons why she can’t or just flat out doesn’t do what she says she will.

My boss is useless in this situation (shes a pushover). I wear earbuds but we are so close that unless I blow out my eardrums, I can hear all of this. I am at the point where I am considering quitting over her. I am a really laid back, introverted person and she exhaust me.

I get this dread on Sunday afternoon from having to be around her again. Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with her. My job is otherwise a pretty sweet situation, I would like to keep it for awhile. Thanks!

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Chrysoptera −  You need to gray rock her. Limit unnecessary conversation, and when you do talk to her, be as boring as possible. Don’t express any strong opinions or argue with her. If she tries to s**k you into her negativity, just blandly agree with whatever nonsense she’s spouting and walk away. Don’t feed her appetite for drama.

ICanHandleItOk −  Boundaries. You’ll get HELLA push back at first but it’s what you have to do. I had a boss that sounds a lot like this woman. Me, to co-worker: I have a headache, so glad today is done. Boss: Oh what *I* do is take Tylenol and then 2 hrs later take Ibuprofen. You need to do that. That’s why your headaches keep coming back. You don’t get rid of ALL the pain.

Your posture is horrible too, it’s like your head isn’t even on your neck the way you’re sitting, you should….. Me: I’m sorry, I was actually talking to Lina here. Boss: (Calls well after work hours with what should be a quick, legitimate question and then sits on the phone wanting to talk about her personal life for an hour if I let her.)

Me: I was actually in the middle of dinner. I’m going to have to ask you to keep after hours calls quick and strictly work related when you need to make them.. You can apply this at work too.
Jane, I’m trying to concentrate on this. Would you mind finishing your call in the hallway please? Jane, please stop commenting on my diet.

My nutrition and weight are being monitored by a doctor and everything is fine. Jane, your lifestyle choices are fine but they are YOUR lifestyle choices. Please stop criticizing mine. She’ll pout and cry. This is not your problem. Do not engage or debate after you’ve stated your boundary. If needed, restate it and then again, do not engage.

“Jane I’ve asked you several times to take personal calls away from our work area. It’s distracting. Will you be able to do that or do we need to work with Boss to find a solution?” In my experience, 99% of the time people like this get so “tired of everyone picking on them” that they quit in pretty short order.

PM-me-ur-kittenz −  “Family member died? Well hers are deader.” BA ha ha ha ha! OP, this is GOLD. But yeah, this must be unbearable As other commenters have said, you need to just gray rock her, and I guess start looking for another job since your boss is spineless and doesn’t care.

ghoulbug −  I had a good chuckle at “well hers are deader”, but barring that I sympathize with how frustrating this is. If this were someone you were trying to maintain a relationship with Id wrack my brain for better advice, but honestly I think quitting is the best thing for you, and tbh— for your boss as well.

Let her know she’s lost a good employee because she didn’t do her job as the boss. (Once you’ve found another job yourself, mind.) If you think you can maneuver to another job successfully and can maintain your boss as a reference while still doing so, it might even be worth letting your boss know you’re making plans to walk.

It might inspire some spine. Otherwise I just don’t think it’s worth staying (if you can find something else, of course.) Good luck, and I hope something better comes along!

hnida92 −  Oh my god are we working in the same place ? Because you are describing my coworker as well. She was on maternity leave and is coming back in two weeks and I have been dreading that day ! I absolutely cannot stand her and have tried everything but she will never change 🙁

Chasmosaur −  You’ve gotten good advice, but I wanted to help you on the whole “not blow out my eardrums” thing. If you go to whitenoisemp3s – dot – com, you need to download “Rain on the River.” It is a fabulous track of white noise that is super effective at blocking noise at close distances.

Essentially, it’s loud rain on a running stream, so there’s lots of solid sound masking features, and since it is an hour long MP3, there isn’t a “seam” to distract you. I’ve used this to help drown out my husband’s snoring (which is now rectified I finally forced him into a sleep study and I don’t know who is happier with his CPAP) with earbuds or headphones. If it can help block that, it can help block a lot of her noise.

MikkiTh −  Get noise canceling head phones, asked to be moved to a different desk if possible and then ignore her. Only talk to her about work topics. Bathroom, food, etc? Not a word to her. She’ll complain regardless but at least she won’t be talking to you.

AFatHobbit −  If you’re working for a bad boss, then the rest of the jib perks don’t really matter. I have an amazing boss, and it makes me look forward to going to work every week. I don’t think that, as a peer, there is any way you can get her to change her behavior.

What you can do is move to a different desk (my boss did this…moved her desk out into the hall to get away from overly chatty people in the office, and it has made a world of difference). You can completely ignore your coworker. Sounds like it doesn’t really matter if she’s upset because you’re not going to be reprimanded or told to change by any authority figures.

I would just stop engaging. I would also find a new job. Having to carry a team members dead weight, while working for someone who won’t help in any way, is just too much of a pain. Life is too short for that.