AITA for demanding my husband to pay me the $1000 dollars he spent behind my back?

A Reddit user shared her frustration about a financial disagreement with her unemployed husband. Despite their tight budget and her being the sole income earner, he continued spending $1,000 a month on luxurious weekly spa sessions without her knowledge. After discovering he had maxed out her credit card, she demanded he pay her back. However, he refused, claiming her money is also his since they’re married and accusing her of dismissing his stress as an expectant parent. Curious how this played out? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for demanding my husband to pay me the $1000 dollars he spent behind my back?’

My husband (33) and I (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we’ve lost our home and one of our incomes (his). We moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our “costly” habits.

My husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. A single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that’d be nearly 1000 a month!.

I offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he’s used to her. Problem is I’m the only income earner and I’m struggling to make ends meet. I’m also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery.

I told him to cut his sessions but he refused. I told him I won’t be paying for them anymore and he said he’d get the money himself. Yesterday I checked and saw that he’s been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. I found that out when I went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said I had no money.

I had to return everything then went home and went off on him. I told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an i**ot at the store, he said he didn’t tell me cause he knew I’d have an issue with it.

I demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, I yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he’s going to be a parent too and it’s stressful for him and I keep dismissing his own needs as a human.

I went upstairs and he went out. He started giving me silent but I kept demanding the money back. he said I shouldn’t expect it back since we’re married then my money is technically his and I should stop using his unemployement against him.

Check out how the community responded:

teresajs −  NTA. He stole from you to buy a luxury. Immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. Don’t give him any money at all. And seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you. Also, is there any chance that this “spa” treatment actually involves him paying for s**? Because there’s something that feels off about all this…

abcdefghabca −  I’d be suspicious about the $200+ for a ‘massage’ lol

Jenna_Doman −  Does anyone else think he might be going for a happy ending rather than the massage or have I been reading AITA comment sections too long?

Gibdog83 −  Have you ever looked up this place and what this $250 massage entails? Because that is ALOT of money for a massage that he says he needs weekly? Does he have an injury that he requires it for or is it a relaxation massage? I dunno.. something is off here. I’d be wondering if it’s a massage he receives or something more.. You btw, are very much NTA

tractorchick −  NTA…cancel the card, put the money you earn in your name only. Maybe instead of getting a luxurious massage, he should be applying for jobs? Like wtf. A baby is going to drain finances even more.

LetThemEatHay −  NTA. Start getting your ducks in a row. Talk to an attorney. Split your finances. Cancel that credit card and HIDE ANY OTHERS YOU MAY HAVE. This is not going to get better, OP. I “need” a massage pretty much all the time given my back issues. The last one I had was 5 years ago in a resort in Lanzarote, because it came with our reservations at the resort.

Why? Because I have other s**t that needs paying for (and I’m not the breadwinner), like bills, kid stuff, food (strange thing, everyone in my house likes to eat!) Like I said, this isn’t going to get better. You can’t reason with that level of entitlement. Also, you might report those charges as fraudulent and set the credit card company on your husband. He took your card without your knowledge and now you’re in a pretty dire financial situation.

YanaYellow25 −  NTA. I do think this is what they call foreshadowing.

Sk111W −  NTA. stop playing victim. Is a weird thing to yell at someone you’ve just been caught stealing from

catsmom63 −  NTA. I’d check all my credit cards and I’d run a credit report. It’s possible he may have opened new cc in your name too.. I’d also lock my cards. He’s really selfish. I worry for you and your baby!

TheEmpressDodo −  NTA. You realize $250 is exorbitant? Are you not suspicious that these are “happy ending” massages?

Do you think the husband was justified in prioritizing his personal needs despite their financial struggles? Or was his behavior irresponsible, especially with a baby on the way? How would you handle this type of financial disagreement in a marriage? Share your thoughts below!