Should I [29F] asked my fiancé [31M] to split bills and expenses more proportionately?

A 29-year-old woman is struggling to manage household expenses because she and her fiancé, who earns three times her income, split most bills 50/50. Despite cutting back on personal spending, she finds it difficult to keep up financially and often turns down date nights or other outings. She’s considering asking her fiancé to split expenses more proportionately to their incomes but isn’t sure if it’s fair to bring this up or how to approach the conversation.

‘ Should I [29F] asked my fiancé [31M] to split bills and expenses more proportionately?’

Together for 3.5 years. After taxes I make $25000 per year, he makes $75000 per year. Everything is split 50/50 except our groceries because he was willing to admit that he spends waaaaay more than I ever would on food. I’m trying to pay my fair share, but I’m struggling; I just can’t keep up.

I think if I made $50000 and he made $150000 the difference wouldn’t be so bad even though he would still make 3x more than me, but I’m so close to broke any expense makes a difference. I have really tried to cut down; no new clothes in so long I look like a hobo half the time, I cut my phone bill down to $20 a month,

managed to qualify for a really cheap health insurance plan, we basically never eat out anymore, haven’t had my hair cut in over a year, but it’s not enough to make a difference when you make this little and are splitting bills 50/50 with someone who makes triple your income.

Lately I’ve been turning down a lot of ideas for date nights or short trips because I just don’t have the money. Even smaller stuff like buying a bottle of wine to bring to Thanksgiving dinner because I said it wasn’t in my budget (he ended up paying for it). I feel like a big party pooper, and I can tell he’s disappointed when I say I can’t do something,

but I just don’t know what else to do until I get a better job. To be honest I also get a little jealous when he mentions splurging on lunch at one of our favorite restaurants, or buying new clothes, or other “fun” purchase I can’t make. I would like to talk to him before this jealousy grows into true resentment, but I don’t know if it’s fair to ask to split the bills more (to me) fairly.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

spazz_44 −  Engage him in a discussion on this but don’t jump in with just the more income based split. Explain that you are disappointed that you have to keep saying no to things and tell him it’s because you are broke. Share with him specifically the actions you have taken to try to free up some disposable income and how it has not worked.

Talk about what you are doing toward increasing your income and see if he has any suggestions. If you are engaged you should both be very open about finances and should be problem solving together.

[Reddit User] −  I think that if he really loved and respected you, he wouldn’t expect you to pay for half of everything and then opt for the expensive options all the time. Heck, when my partner was unemployed for 6 months I paid for everything except his half of the rent.

I did it because I loved him and I knew that we were a partnership and that means we have to pick up the slack for our other half sometimes. Some would say I made the wrong choice, but now he works full-time and I get to stay at home with our kids. He gives me spending money every week and pays for everything.

We’ve been together for 7 years and have covered for each other many times. Life has many seasons and if he isn’t willing to at least compromise with this, I would fear how he would treat you if you became unemployed for whatever reason. Curious, does he do 50/50 of all the housework?

5pinktoes −  I honestly think your finances should be equitable. He makes 2/3 more than you do, ergo he pays for 2/3 of y’all’s expenses. Lets work with easily understandable figures, shall we? Rent is $600.00. You pay $200, he pays $400. Groceries are $300. You pay $100, he pays $200.

I strongly recommend you both see a financial advisor together. An *independent* financial advisor. They can listen, ask pertinent questions, address issues you both have AND address issues neither one of you have considered. Your relationship, especially your *financial* relationship must be equitable. Otherwise, you, Op, are vulnerable.

Whatsfordinner4 −  If you split 50/50, spending has to be within the lower earner’s means. I earn a looot more than my husband. We live pretty frugally, so things are split 50/50 (my excess money goes into savings for the both of us though). But if we wanna do something fancy, I know he couldn’t afford it so I pay.

baileyt1993 −  This is crazy. How are you married to a person who Makes three times as much as you and makes you go 50-50. Delusion.

canadian_viking −  If he wants everything to be split 50/50, he’s gotta live life on your budget, not his. If he wants to live a fancier life, that 50/50 split better get adjusted to some place that makes more sense for the both of you.

wigglebuttbiscuits −  Yes. You two are engaged, you should be moving towards your money being ‘ours’ and on a basic level, he should care that you’re broke and want to help.

[Reddit User] −  I think 50/50 is the only fair way to do things until you are married. Once you are married everything is shared. Really the problem here is your job. You are 29 years old and still making a 16 year olds summer job wage. You are an adult, you need to buckle down and put yourself in a position to contribute like one.

Hello891011 −  My boyfriend makes 21$/hr while I make 15$/hr. We agree to save 1K each month, cover the bills and buy groceries from that, then we each get 500$ of spending cash to spend however we like. Maybe talk to your partner about doing something like that? If they want more money to spend each month I think since your wages are so vastly different it would be okay.

iamltr −  Honestly, maybe you would be better if you lived somewhere you could afford and then live on your own. The number one thing on how to live better is to live beneath your budget. If he has not cared that you are struggling by now, he never will.