AITA: For cutting my niece off college fund because of what she said about me.

A Redditor (35M) decided to stop funding his 16-year-old niece Leah’s college education after overhearing her hurtful comments about his infertility and divorce. Despite apologies and pleas from his family, he felt too devastated to continue supporting someone who ridiculed a sensitive aspect of his life. Read the full story below:

‘ AITA: For cutting my niece off college fund because of what she said about me.’

I (M35) have 2 sisters that I’m close with, I also have a niece (Leah), Leah’s 16 and after my ex wife decided to split up and divorce due to inferitility problems that lasted for 5 years. I started a college fund for Leah to help her go to her chosen college. That was in 2019. Now I visit my mother’s home (where my sister and Leah are living) every week to spend the weekend together.

This past weekend I was asleep upstairs while my mother, my sister and Leah were in the kitchen. I came downstairs to grab a glass of water and heard my sister talking about my ex wife expecting a baby with her new husband. This struck a nerve and I kind of froze from shock.

I then heard Leah react to the news repeatedly saying “I told you so I told you so” then explained she’s always thought that I was the one with a problem for not being able to have a baby with my ex, but that I was too “afraid” to admit due to fragile masculinity. I could not believe what she said but what made it worse is her following statement about how my ex was smart to get a divorce before it was too late.

I went upstairs and into the room and shut the door and stayed there for hours. Mom and sister saw me about to leave and insisted to know what the problem was. I didn’t want to argue but I told them that I heard what Leah said about me. Leah stopped eating and got quiet. My sister tried to play dumb but I told her I heard their entire conversation about my ex wife and her pregnancy news.

My sister tried to backpaddle saying Leah is just a kid who doesn’t know much about this stuff and was just “spouting nonesense”. I told them I don’t wanna talk about it and they refused to let me leave but I left eventually. I later sent my sister a text telling her about how hurt and devastated I was because of what Leah said, and told her I will no longer be responsible for funding her education.

My sister kept trying to call then texted saying Leah didn’t mean what she said and offered to make her apologize but I didn’t feel comfortable being in the same room with someone who, blamed me for something that was out of my control and, something that literally turned my life upside down. My mother tried to get me to come over so we could talk saying Leah doesn’t deseve me turning my back on her like that.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

RefillSunset −  Clean NTA. Generosity stops when you are unkind to the hand that feeds you. What a surprise.. Sorry about your loss. Edit: I’ve read before that if you dont let people be angry at you after you have wronged them, you are just taking more away from them. Leah needs to learn that. So do your family members. Her age excuses her behavious (barely) but not the consequences that follow

Awkward_Resolve9979 −  NTA but these are big statements from a 16 year old and it is very likely she picked up on all these statements thru someone older in the family who has likely been gossiping about you for a while either your sister mother or an aunt or even the ex wife

Fine_Following_2559 −  NTA, they let her sit there and have an adult conversation, but want to call her a child when they are consequences of that conversation. You’re not responsible for paying for her education. And you’re only 35, it’s possible that you can find someone else and have your own child. So save that money for your own potential future child.

And your sister has a lot of nerve, if the girl doesn’t want to take it upon herself to apologize, a forced apology from her is not going to mean a damn thing. I’m childless and my brother has two daughters, and I like to send them stuff and contribute to their college funds,

but it’s only because I choose to, I am not obligated to. They have two parents with jobs who can help contribute to their education and other extracurriculars. Being the childless Aunt/Uncle does not mean we are a bank.

BlueChatoya −  NTA. JFC at the other judgements — this man’s life was literally upended by his divorce. You are seemingly forgetting that HIS OWN SISTER didn’t defend him or stop the daughter from saying such awful s**t. I bet you this was not the first time they’ve snarked about OP behind his back. It’s just the first time he’s caught them. It’s not fragile masculinity to be hurt by infertility.

This is pain no one understands until you happen to experience it. If it were a woman, everyone would be falling head over ass to placate her. But to have family members discuss it so callously behind your back only to then hold their hand out for cash with a grin? Appalling. To OP: I’m so sorry. However, stand by your decision and don’t give in. Use that money and treat yourself to therapy.

ManifestDestinysChld −  Wait, hold up. (Unpopular opinion inbound.) You heard somebody accuse you of having a fragile masculine ego, so you…went to your room and sulked for hours, staged a dramatic, attention-seeking walkout, and then spitefully went back on your word and yanked college money you’ve been promising your niece for 3 years now?. Are we sure Leah isn’t RIGHT?

It’s fine to be upset when someone badmouths you, but…be upset in proportion. Your sister is not wrong to point out that Leah is 16 years old. What does she know? Why are you investing so much of your self-worth in a teenager’s flippant opinion?

Further, why are you trying to justify wrecking the plans of a teenager that you already gave your word to? Have some perspective. Try to at least act more mature than the actual teenager.. ~~YTA~~ ESH

Majestic-Leopard-563 −  NTA why isn’t hasn’t her parents got a college fund going for her? You are not responsible to pay for any kid that isn’t yours! If I was you I would take a lovely long vacation on the money that YOU saved

SordidOrchid −  Info: Did you not get tested after 5 years to see if it was sperm related? I’m mean was your ex going through a bombardment of tests and infertility treatments that could have been avoided had you been tested?

[Reddit User] −  NTA. your niece’s comment is very telling about how she feels about you. Why should you have to fund her education knowing she has little to no respect. She is not entitled to it. It was a kindness on your part. Even though she is young, that level of disregard/disrespect is pretty deep. Let her take out loans (or let her parents pay).

No-Instruction-3782 −  INFO: what about Leah’s comments are you most upset about? The assumption that it was you who had the fertility problems, the fragile masculinity comment or the one about your ex wife getting out of the marriage when she did?

Just trying to work out if you’re upset cos Leah is making false assumptions, of whether there is a grain of truth to what she said and it just hurts to hear her talk about it in such a flippant and cutting way.

tawny-she-wolf −  I mean… You can do what you want with your money but YTA because who struggles with infertility for 5 years and doesn’t get tested ? This leads me to believe your niece is 100% right about her statement and you *are* just too fragile to hear ir, which is concerning

Was the Redditor justified in cutting off the college fund, or was it an overreaction to a teenager’s insensitive remarks? Should Leah be held accountable for her words, or was this a moment of youthful immaturity? Share your thoughts below!