AITA For Telling My Wife That If She Quits Her Job I Expect Her To Cover All The Housework?

A Reddit user shared a dilemma about his wife wanting to quit her job to become a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) and focus on their 4-year-old daughter. He agreed to take on a higher-paying job with longer hours to support the family but proposed that she handle all the housework in return.

This led to a heated disagreement about fairness and responsibilities. Read the full story below to see how the situation unfolded.

‘ AITA For Telling My Wife That If She Quits Her Job I Expect Her To Cover All The Housework?’

My wife wants to quit her job. She wants to be a SAHM to spend more time on with 4 year old daughter and stop leaving her at daycare centres. In order for her to do that, I would have to sign for a higher paying job schedule, about 2 hours more per day and occasionally half day on Saturdays.

I told her that I if she quits her job then I expect her to cover all the housework. I may not be splitting the chores with her, since having longer working hours is rather tiring. I will will help out on weekends but during weekdays I rather rest.

My wife then told me she that is not a housekeeper and I am being lazy and discriminative against women. I don’t really mean that, as I think it is fair that if she stops contributing to our household income she can handle all the housework. I will also become the sole breadwinner and work extra hard to support the family. AITA?

Edit: I admit that I did not really used a nice tone while talking to my wife because I was was having conflicted thoughts on either supporting her choice or trying to talk her out of it. Our household income isn’t that high to begin with and it will be difficult to be the only provider.

Ofcourse, I also think that my wife has every right to want to spend more time with our daughter and it would be good for both of them.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

SlayzorHunter −  NTA. Being a stay at home parent means taking care of the house while the other parent takes care of the income. It’s not discrimination against women, since it would be the same logic if you were a woman working full time and she was a stay at home husband.

You would spend like what? 8 hours a day, maybe 10, bringing in money for BOTH of you to survive. It would only be fair for her to do the chores for BOTH of you and put in equal work to maintain your household.

_bubble_butt_ −  NTA – but if you have to pick up that many extra hours to support the household it sounds like you can’t afford to lose her income. Being the sole breadwinner is risky too should anything happen to your job. Would wife consider part time hours?

dcdiegobysea −  NTA. She sounds lazy. Does she ever plan on going back to work? Isn’t the child about to start school? Wtf does she plan on doing all day?

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Me and my boyfriend both work. If we have kids later and one of us stopped working and was home all the time then that person would pick up the chores. There’s no f**king way either of us would expect the one who is at work for 50+ hours a week to ALSO do all the cooking and cleaning.
Try asking her if she would do half the house chores if she was working that much and you were the stay at home.

spartanmax2 −  NTA, in general the stay at home does more of the house work. Obivously, you should still do something to help but the majority should be the stay at home. Specially since you now would have to work longer. Tell her you want to be the stay at home and see what arrangement she agrees too.

burntpinecones −  NTA – have y’all met a four year old? Currenrly sitting near a five year old (close enough) who could literally take care of himself. As long as you watch what he’s doing, he could make his own cereal, he knows how to turn on the tv and change the channel, he can go to the bathroom by himself.

Y’all are underestimating their child. She can do housework if she’s gonna quit her job and force her husband to work more. And I’m 99% sure she’s gonna start and then complain about her workload and the fact that OP’s never home.

[Reddit User] −  Your daughter is about to enter Kindergarten. What is she going to do once that happens?

[Reddit User] −  This isn’t discrimination, this is entirely fair. She wants equality, she’s getting equality. Taking care of the house for the time you’re taking care of work is more than reasonable. NTA. Household chores are nothing compared to actually being at work. Taking care of a child is a job, sure.

But I highly doubt that child is running around, screaming, breaking stuff, and causing a headache all day, every day. She can certainly have a little time for herself while you’re stuck there at work, doing extra time. This is fair, unless your child is a monster.

[Reddit User] −  My wife then told me she that is not a housekeeper and I am being lazy and discriminative against women. I mean, that’s part of the job of a SAHM. She’s literally asking to stay at home and take care of the household.

You’d already be working 48-52 hours a week, which is plenty. It’s more than fair to excpect for her to pull her half of the weight and put in a similar amount of work.
She’s an a**hole because she’s pulling the “sexist” card on you when all she really wants is to get out of having any work. NTA.

Jazz_the_Goose −  My vote is ESH. You for thinking you shouldn’t have to do *anything* throughout the week, and her for pushing for this but being seemingly unwilling to take on most of the responsibility. No doubt your wife should do most of the chores, but you have a responsibility here too. Also, I think it’s unreasonable of your wife to push to be a SAHM because clearly y’all rely on her income and can’t afford it.

EDIT: some of you clearly have naive impressions of how adulting actually works. I’m sure we’d all love to come home after work and have nothing to do, but guess what, sometimes there are chores to do. Helping out only on the weekends is an unreasonable expectation. Again, OP’s wife ought to be responsible for most of it, but the idea that during the work week *all* the housework is on his wife is ridiculous.

The fact this is controversial is honestly mind-boggling. All of this seems pretty moot anyway, OP, given the fact that you need to take on this much overtime to make this arrangement even work financially. Y’all clearly can’t afford for her to be a SAHM.

Do you think the husband’s proposal was reasonable given the financial and time sacrifices, or was it unfair to his wife? How would you navigate balancing financial responsibilities, housework, and childcare in such a situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!