I (27M) just found pics of her (27F) cheating

One person from Reddit recently found distressing photos on his girlfriend’s computer, revealing that she had been cheating on him. The relationship has been going on for five years, and now he is left in shock, unsure of how to proceed. With limited options and no place to go, he feels lost and overwhelmed. Read the full story below…

‘ I (27M) just found pics of her (27F) cheating’

I’m sorry if this sounds disjointed, I’m in a bit of a state right now. I was using my girlfriend of 5 years’ computer, and I opened an unnamed folder on her desktop. Inside I found pictures of her clearly having *** with someone I have never seen before. I can barely type right now, let alone speak. She is at work right now, she won’t be home for another 6 hours. I don’t know what to do, reddit. I can’t think, I can barely move, I feel so… lost.

I don’t know how I am going to recover from this. I can’t afford to move out, but I would rather be homeless than spend one more second here. Any advice on how to proceed or even just some kind words would be appreciated.. TL/DR: Found pictures of LTR girlfriend cheating. Please help.

Update: Once I felt like I could breathe again, I looked at the EXIF data from the pictures. They’re from last month, taken by her phone. I still feel like I want to throw myself in front of a bus (less so than before), but I found somewhere to stay until I get back on my feet. If anyone has any suggestions about how to stop feeling like there is a weight slowly crushing my chest, I would really appreciate it.

I have some packing to do, but I will try to respond to the thread when I can. I’m not vomiting or crying anymore, so I will consider that an improvement. Now I just feel empty. Like, somewhere between my belly button and my ribs is a space that used to be occupied and now is vacant. Time heals all wounds, I suppose. First, thank you all for responding to this thread. You have no idea how much it means to me to know that others, even if they are halfway around the world, care about this. Your collective advice and words of encouragement have helped me immensely.

Second, to update the situation, my things are packed and in my car. I found someone to stay with temporarily, although I’m not sure for how long. I took the things that were sentimental to me or reminded me of her, drove them out of town, and burned and smashed it all. It was cathartic. I suppose littering the outdoors with my mementos isn’t very eco-friendly, but I’m hoping Mother Nature will give me a pass on this one.

Third, as per a number of requests in the thread, I changed her desktop background to one of the pictures. Having to look at it again while I did so was even harder than packing, I think, but it is done. It was unnecessary, as I have already asked her via text to never contact me again, but it is satisfying to know that she will have to come home to that.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  Thought my story of when I was cheated on and caught them in the act might help… or at least help crack a smile. I know how crushing this feels but trust me, you’ll get over it and realize how much better off you are… Anyway.. story time…

I had actually come home a week earlier than I was supposed to from the air force (this was a good 15 years ago) and figured I’d surprise her since she’d always talk about how much she misses me, would always send me pictures of her in the mail and write these long letters talking about our future together. Naturally I assumed she would be more than excited to see me walk in the door a week early.

Pulled up to the house and figured she was home because her car was there so I was as quiet as possible. Even parked my car down the street a little so she didn’t see me pull up and ruin the surprise. Quietly put the key in the lock and slowly twisted…opened the door and the living room was dark. I thought… hm. Maybe she got picked up by some friends and went out somewhere.

Oh well even better! I’ll set up our room by going to get some flowers and making everything look all romantic and irresistible…. (hey it’s been a few months, I was a bit pent up at that point). Start walking towards the bedroom and I hear this rhythmic squeaking noise followed by a deep grunt. My instinct reaction was someone broke in and trying to rip something off the wall, so I went into ass kicking mode until a few seconds later I heard a high pitched moan of a female. Yeah…

I recognized that sound pretty well and knew what was happening. Being in the military I knew the worst possible thing I could do was anything violent so I wanted to f**k up whatever “moment” they were having. I walked towards the room very quietly while they went at it… of course they didn’t hear me because they were far too “deep” in their actions.

Luckily the door was halfway open so I got down and started crawling towards the bed out of their line of sight, slithered over to the edge of the bed they were closest to and started slowly inching my head up the side until just my eyes were above the edge. It took her a good minute (she was on the bottom) before she looked over and saw angry eyes staring at her.

She freaked out so bad that she kicked the dude in the face and he fell off the bed and hit his head on the wall, she screamed louder than I’ve heard anyone scream in my life and bounced off the bed in a flailing, sweaty mess and I heard her ass hit the ground with a satisfying thud. I stood up and the guy was in a heap on the floor scared shitless at this dude in full military garb standing over him with crazy eyes.

She finally realized who it was and started bawling her eyes out saying “i’m so sorry! I was lonely!” blah blah blah… who cares. I started laughing hysterically and all I said was “Well dude, she’s your problem now. Hope you don’t mind herpes”.

sayrahrah −  How long has she had the computer? I only ask because maybe this event happened before you two got together…? EDIT: Down voted for asking a relevant question? Really?

penguin8508 −  Ugh, bleh. Take as long as you need before she gets home, take deep breaths, puke, cry, yell (don’t damage property), and then get your b**t out of that house. This happened to me once in a 4-year-relationship. Found evidence very similar to what you found. I printed it out and wrote a letter, left, and never spoke to him again. I lost $10K and it was the best thing I ever did. Don’t even talk to her, seriously.

Absolutely no forgiving this, you don’t need to hear the story (it doesn’t make you feel better to know why, trust me), just leave and get on with life. Block her off your phone, email, Facebook, whatever. Don’t give her any way to contact you. Good luck. It hurts like hell, but you do get over it.

SuarezBiteGuard −  To your second update: there’s nothing that will stop that other than accepting your pain and getting on with life–we’re incredibly resilient creatures and we find ways to keep our minds intact.

It won’t be better tomorrow, or the next day, or next week. It probably won’t be better next month. It may be better in a few months. You’ll probably be functioning normally within a year. Five years from now, this’ll be a story you swap with your drinking buddies. And, ten years from now (maybe), it’ll be referred during to wedding speeches as the catalyst for meeting your wife. That’s how it could go.

Every event, no matter how painful, moves your life along in some way. You can’t see right now that you’ve been given a hell of a gift: that woman was someone you would have wasted more of your precious time with if you hadn’t found those pictures. She would have been a weight on your life. Now? Now you’re free. Free to do what you want. Free to be who you want. Free to enjoy life. This isn’t a silver lining, it’s a lottery win: but you’re unable to see that, and won’t be able to for a while. That’s cool, though, it’s working as intended.. Mourn, move on, move up.

[Reddit User] −  Please update us.

rdrcrmatt −  I wish I could give a few comments another up vote. My ex-wife came back several times after her affair, saying sorry, saying she wanted to be trustworthy. DO NOT GO BACK TO HER. You’ll gain strength and self worth from not letting her bargain your self worth down to her level in order for her to keep you in her life. She messed up, you’re worth more than that. I’ve kept this thread open all day because it is making my gut wrench for you because I know how it feels.

Its spring, back to BRO mode, go have a great summer, find friends, girls, whatever. No relationships. Do something every day that YOU WANT to do. It’ll be the best summer of your life. My first free one was.

intripletime −  No advice, just pointing something out. She wanted to get caught. Putting damning evidence in an easily accessible desktop folder and giving you free rein to use her computer is the exact opposite of covering her tracks. On some level, she knew this day would come and wanted it to happen.

minje −  ive been cheated on.. the key to feeling better is to remind yourself that this isn’t your fault. your ex is just a s**tty human and you’re going to run into s**tty humans from time to time, hell, you might even fall in love with one.

the good thing is that you discovered the truth, and can continue on a good path filled with good people.. this is nothing but a bump in the road and the freedom that the single life brings you will be just what you need to enjoy life, hang out with friends, get drunk, work hard, travel, do whatever you wanna whenever you want to do it.

edit: I just want to add that there is no “closure” .. you can get your gf to admit it and you can b**ch her out all you want but none of that will make you feel better… the quickest way to feel better is to make a clean break and be the better person.. she’ll regret what she lost and you’ll be better off.

Overshadows −  If you live together, the next several hours should be you documenting the house/apartment, and packing up. Do you have a friend that you can stay with? How much longer is your lease? Basically, photograph all the rooms in the house, especially if your name is on the lease. You don’t want her to throw a tantrum and then be liable because she broke stuff. If you need more time to find a place – wait to confront her. Just document all the photos.

LetUsAllAgree −  You are getting some really good advice here. What I would do is stay at a friend’s house tonight, waiting until she goes to work tomorrow. Bring in a couple friends, a moving truck, and take out all your stuff as quickly as you can. Put it in storage for a month until you know where you’ll be living. I would not tell her why you’ve gone. Leave her completely baffled. Leave her with zero closure. Leave her with no way to contact you. Disappear like you’ve gone into a witness protection program.

There will be a time in your emotional processing where you feel like getting heavy revenge, and the purest form of this is to move on and not give her one second more of your time. Do not seek to blacken her reputation on social media because it’s a reflection of you. Remain a class act.