WIBTA if I quit my job, sell my share in company and retire to be a ski patroler? I would essentially leave my adult kids (18 and 22) to fend for themselves with no way to pay for college. Ex wife as well.

A Redditor is contemplating quitting his job, selling his share in the company, and retiring to become a ski patroller, essentially cutting off financial support for his adult children (18 and 22) and ex-wife.

The children failed to protect their college savings, which were stolen by their mother, and now expect him to make up for it. He is frustrated by their lack of responsibility and feels it’s time for them to handle their own problems. Read the full story below:

‘ WIBTA if I quit my job, sell my share in company and retire to be a ski patroler? I would essentially leave my adult kids (18 and 22) to fend for themselves with no way to pay for college. Ex wife as well.’

So years and years of backstory here. Ex wife has BPD and life with her has been a continuous struggle. We are in the middle of a divorce because while she’s lied, stolen, abused, hit, etc… she never cheated. But she crossed that line and enough was enough. Divorce is bitter and ugly.

For financial reasons we had set kids college savings up with my wife as custodian. I implored kids to go to the brokerage companies to remove wife as a custodian now they were adults. The both blew me off and “yeah yeahed” me for almost a year. Ex cleaned out every penny of the accounts, probably to buy her new house.

Instead of my kids even asking thier mom why, let alone taking legal action they both held their hands out to me and expected me to make up for it. Then getting mad at me when I said I had far too much on my plate to add another battle with thier mom, they had to handle it. Since there was no way to pay for school this semester, both have essentially become shut ins at home.

I’ve had it because niether shows an iota of interest in thier future. On a lark I called my college roommate who is head ski patrol at a small resort in NM. He said I’m hired. I talked to my partner and he’d gladly buy my half of the business. With the 50% id have to give my ex wife I could live modest and comfortably for the rest of my life.

I could spend my summers hiking, my winters working and maybe just not spend 15 hours a day at a desk working for 3 people who just see me as a wallet. Kids would be cut off. I wouldn’t be able to afford ANY help. They have avenues and legal recourse with thier mom, whether they take it is up to them. But they’d have to grow up and fast. Would I be the a**hole if I do this?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

palomaaaaaaa −  NTA But you might cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your children.

rosechells −  NTA: go for it, if you have to pay your ex wife a share of your 50% then she can use that to pay for/towards their education

amethystwyvern −  “Hey Reddit, WIBTA if I cut off my vulnerable family and left them to be a ski patroller?”. Edit: first silver thanks!

RealRealGood −  INFO: Do you have any sympathy for your children who were raised by an abusive mother, seem to still be living with her, and therefore, might have issues of their own preventing them from being emotionally mature? Because it seems like you don’t give a f**k about them at all, really.

littleredteacupwolf −  NTA. You already provided a way to pay for school for them, you tried to warn them that their mother should be taken off, they didn’t listen. They are adults now. It’s not your responsibility to come up with the money for college (again). Loans exist.

Tuition Management System (TMS) exists for most of the US and it’s a months payment, a semester at a time, no loans, no interests. Granted that means working while in school, but its doable. You tried, you did your duty as a parent, it’s up to them now.

RomulaFour −  ESH. I can certainly see why OP is bitter, but I think completely abandoning his kids like this is over the line. He says he suffered from his wife’s BPD. What effect does he think she had on his kids? At a MINIMUM, he can talk with an attorney to arrange it so that wife’s share of the business is used to reimburse HIS kids for the money that wife stole.

He’s the one that put ex in charge of brokerage accounts so she could access them. He could have warned the brokerage to prevent abuse of funds. 18 and 20 year olds are nowhere near savvy enough to protect themselves in this legal situation, and telling them to go after their mother puts them in a terrible emotional and legal position. They lack any funds to hire an attorney to protect their interests.

They are also in the middle of a n**ty divorce between their parents. Exhibit at least a little concern for your kids and help them manage difficult legal problems and an emotional nightmare before leaving for greener pastures.

DudeWheresMyRhino −  YTA. You chose a s**tty abusive partner, not your kids. They have had to put up with your bad choice for their whole life and now that your legal obligation is done you are playing a game to make yourself not feel responsible. As a father you should fight for your children on their behalf.

If you are telling your kids to sue their mom, that should be your first clue. You know, most people don’t want to sue their own mother, even if she is an abusive l**r. Also bear in mind that years of maltreatment at the hands of an abusive BPD mom have likely caused them to think in totally fucked up ways. You’re in the clear, legally speaking, though.

Holy__Schmitz −  NTA but you need to know that this will not be a repairable thing with your kids. If you dip you are done. Really think about this decision. Your kids are adults, but they are still very young. Do you want to help them grow and make something of themselves or do you want to cut all ties.

They are your children and you have fulfilled your legal obligation to provide for them. Now you need to assess if you have a moral obligation to help them as they become adults. Divorce is not easy on kids, no matter the age. They may have done dumb things, but I bet you after what happened with their mother they’d be more receptive to your advice.

An_unkindness_of_rav −  I’m gonna go against the grain and say YTA. Your children were raised in an abusive household (mom) with a father who seems to have checked out of their lives and the situation a long time ago. How can you expect them to just have grown up to be well adjusted and responsible adults without proper role models?

Yes some people beat the odds and become phenomenal adults, but why even put them in that position in the first place? I understand trying to protect yourself, i also get that at least the 22 Y/O should try to do better, but it comes off like neither of you actually tried to parent them. Understand that if you do make this decision, your relationship with your kids may effectively be over, although i don’t really get the impression it matters.

PrettyAkaashi −  YTA. You really don’t care about your kids. Or if you do, you’re letting your exhaustion get the best of you, and you’re going to regret severing ties like that. People don’t forget. They may move on, but they’re going to remember the time their dad ditched.

You implored the kids once they were “adults.” Why not before? Why didn’t you take any actions or precautions prior to this point? Even if you couldn’t anticipate the divorce happening, did you ever teach your kids about financial literacy, lawsuits, or mental disorders?

There’s not a lot of information here, so maybe you were a wonderful father and lived up to all expectations and the kids fucked themselves over. But given your incredible callousness, I’m inclined to believe you didn’t properly educate them and then pulled a surprised Pikachu face when they didn’t suddenly become competent at the age of 18.

I get that it’s difficult for you. You’re an abuse victim as well, and this sounds like a s**tty situation you had to fight alone. But of course your kids are going to struggle. They’ve spent their entire lives in that abusive household, and you seem to be expecting way too much of them. You don’t have to fight their battles for them. But you can stick around and support them.

Make yourself available, instead of waving it off as “it’s up to them.” Help them out with the lawsuit. Ask them about college, or try and figure out why they’re so disinterested in their future— if there are any underlying issues they need counseling or therapy for. That said, it already sounds like you’ve made your decision.

Is it wrong for the Redditor to step away from the responsibilities he feels stuck in, or is it time for his children to take ownership of their future? Would cutting them off be the right decision in this case, or should he continue to support them? Share your thoughts on this difficult family dilemma.