AITAH for telling my mom why none of her 5 boys have given her grandkids?

A Redditor, the youngest of five brothers, opened up to their mom about why none of her children have had kids. During a tense conversation, the user explained how their parents’ separation and the resulting emotional abandonment affected their desire to have children. The mom was deeply upset by the revelation, and the user is now questioning if they were wrong for speaking up. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for telling my mom why none of her 5 boys have given her grandkids?’

I’m the youngest of 5 boys. When I was 13 my mom and biological dad split. My oldest brother went to stay with my aunt. The rest of us went to stay with my grandma while our parents “tried to find happiness”. Dad completely fell of the face of the earth after about 4ish years. I think he talks to my oldest brother every so often.

My mom got her own place a few miles away from my grandma. She visited often and even spent the night every now and then. So the twins only stayed for like a year then went and joined the navy. The brother between the twins and I stayed for two years then met a girl went to college and they got married.

Then there was me. 13-18 I lived with my grandma and was almost completely alone for two years out in the middle of nowhere. I love my grandma but there was only so much a 80 year old woman and a teenage boy could talk about. I felt abandoned.

Fast forward I finished high school went to college. Did the whole shabang. We’re all adults now doing our thing. Well my mom is always like why won’t any of you give me grand children. First of all I’m gay 😂 but she even asks me if I’ll find a nice man settle down and adopt. But my other brothers are straight. None of them have or want kids. So the conversation got intense and she was being very dramatic. So I said it. I said what was on everyone’s mind.

“Mom I think none of us want kids because of how you and dad left us with grandma because you both DESERVE to be happy. I’m glad you found your happiness but I would never do such a thing to a child especially if I had the means to take care of them. It scares me that I could possibly wake up one day and think differently.

That I could wake up tell my kids to pack their s**t I’m taking you to grandmas where you’re going to live from now on even though your father and I are perfectly capable of taking care of you.” She cried.. a lot.

But I couldn’t take the where are my grand kids conversation any more. I could not listen to her bring that up one more time. I did feel terrible and we haven’t talked in like two weeks. I’m not sure what to think.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Buttered_Crumpet09 −  NTA. The truth hurts most when we know we’re wrong. There has to be a part of your mum who knows what she did was wrong, and I wouldn’t be shocked if she saw grandchildren as her chance at a do-over “I wasn’t there for my kids, but I can make up for it by being there for my grandkids”), hence her pestering. Instead, she’s now being told that her choices have consequences and she won’t get her do-over because of what she did; she didn’t want to parent, so now she won’t get to grandparent.

I’d cry too if I’d been such a poor parent, be it due to negligence, abuse, or, as in your mum’s case, my absence and refusal to be a parent, caused my kids to be scared to or put off of having children of their own because they’re worried that they would repeat my mistakes.

There is no delicate way to put that because a truth like that will always hurt; who wants to be confronted with the harm they’ve caused and the damage they’ve done? You are not wrong for telling her, not least because the only way to stop her pestering and questioning is to tell her why, and you put it as diplomatically as possible.

I_wanna_be_anemone −  NTA she was warned to back off countless times by five separate people. Hard to believe she’s been that oblivious to the consequences of her actions all this time. 

JanetInSpain −  No adult child owes their parents a grandchild. It doesn’t even matter what all of your reasons are for not having kids. It’s YOUR choice. She doesn’t get a say in it.

Phyddlestyx −  The grandkids were gonna be her do-over

Ok_Homework_7621 −  NTA. She’s avoiding you until she can convince herself it didn’t happen and she was the mother she imagined herself to be. She might not ask about grandkids for a while, but will likely start again at some point, maybe less directly.

PotatoMonster20 −  NTA. Truth hurts sometimes. You can’t be a grandmother if you’re not a mother.

AggravatingOwl6405 −  Fair play

joeydbls −  Listen, I had a similar issue. My parents raised me and my brother in brutal abject poverty and also neglected both of us in brutal fashion . I always wondered why she ever bothered to have kids , she said we were both planned . In any case, I vowed I would never bring children into our extremely dis functional family setting.

My brother and father died of a over dose on the same day . Before my mother passed away from covid in 2019, I had to tell her the family name was dying with me because I had a vasectomy and would never procreate . She was extremely upset, but the truth hurts sometimes.

RubyTx −  NTA.. She wouldn’t stop pushing. I say again, people need to learn NOT to ask questions they aren’t ready for the answer to.

Amazing_Reality2980 −  NTA sounds like she needed a reality check. What she did was not ok and obviously it had a profound affect on all of you, but especially you since you were the youngest. Hopefully she’ll stop hounding you about kids now.

Do you think the Redditor was wrong for sharing their honest feelings with their mom, or was it important to speak up about the past to explain their current decisions? How would you handle a situation where your parents ask for something you’re not comfortable with? Share your thoughts in the comments below!