AITA for not wanting my disabled sister at my wedding?

A Redditor shared a heartbreaking story about a difficult decision they made regarding their wedding. They asked their parents not to bring their disabled sister, who has severe autism and often crosses personal boundaries with their fiancé. The decision was met with harsh criticism from their family, and now the user is questioning if they made the right call. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not wanting my disabled sister at my wedding?’

The title sounds awful but please read all the way til the end. DO NOT SPEED READ THIS. My (22f) sister “Anna” (21) is “special need”. She has severe autism and while she is verbal most of her communication is “physical” like sign language due to her social discomfort. She does speak around family though and has pretty bad cognitive skills.

She can’t comprehend boundaries and lives with our parents so they can best watch her. I am getting married in 3 months. We planned a simple wedding and reception at my fiance “Michael’s” parents barn and farm.

Since it’s all gonna be DIY and we aren’t planning anything too expensive, we can do things pretty quickly since flowers, food and decor will be provided by his family. I sent out invites last week and I asked that Anna not come. I told my parents I understood that would mean they may not show up but it was just a heads up.

Why no Anna? She has an issue with touching Michael and trying to kiss him. At times when we were at my parents house Anna would try and grab Michael’s hands, try to lean in to kiss him or would have a really bad shutdowns if she wasn’t allowed to be directly next to him.

We’ve tried speaking to her but there’s only so much we can do when she doesn’t really understand. I told my parents I just want one day for Michael to be *my* partner and not Anna’s comfort person. They called me selfish and asked how I expected them to agree to something like this.

They told me Anna is disabled and may never experience a wedding of her own and while I have Michael for probably the rest of our lives she’ll have no one and that Michael and I can be a little more understanding to the reality of her life. I feel like a total ass and what they’re saying has really gotten to me and I’m starting to question my decision. AITA?

Update: My parents called me letting me know they won’t be coming and that it’s best I don’t bring Michael around anymore since I’ve “chosen some man over my sister”. They told me that Anna wanting to kiss Michael and hug him is normal for a women her age and that she doesn’t understand what her feelings mean.

I suggested they try to redirect her during the wedding but they said Michael is gonna be family to her and he needs to “get over it”. I suggested they watch the wedding via web and they said that’s not fair and that they deserve to see things in person.

I asked if *I* could pay for someone with proper credentials to watch her that day while they attention and they asked what I would do when they died and if I’d pawn her off every time. I dropped the unfortunate truth bomb that I don’t want to put any more of my life aside for Anna anymore. I did it up until I turned 18. And that Anna is not my life’s responsibility and I won’t be her keeper.

I assured them I’d pay for her care but if she’s okay doing this to Michael then I worry for if I ever do choose to have children and what she’d do to them They said I was sick for suggesting she’d do anything to my future children and hung up on me. They sent a lengthy text telling me not to contact them until I could “do the right thing”. So thts where we are right now.

PLEASE READ: This is NOT an excuse to talk badly about disabled people’s nor is this an opportunity to air out your h**red for them. My sister is not a s**pegoat to hate disabled people. She is a human being with feelings, she is not a statistic, she is not evil.

Please stop treating my sister as if she’s a malicious monster, this debacle is between me and my parents. Leave her out of it, please. I am begging you, I don’t want to hear why you think my sister sucks.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

rileygreyy −  NTA. I don’t care if I get downvoted. You’re right, she is incapable of leaving your fiancé alone on the only day she needs to leave him alone. Best wishes to you and your future husband!!

ETA: since this blew up, let me clarify: she needs to leave him alone EVERY DAY and that is solely the responsibility of the parents to teach those boundaries, not OP or fiancé.

MuchPreferPets −  NTA. Your partner deserves to not be s**ually harassed every day, but ESPECIALLY on his wedding day. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t understand, she still can’t do it. If your family won’t prevent her from doing things, than she isn’t allowed in those situations.

Massive-Emergency-42 −  NTA. Neither is poor Anna. It’s your parents. They told on themselves, because it sounds like they expect you to share your spouse with her to make her life more “fair” somehow. It really, really sounds like they’ve been secretly encouraging and supporting this behavior. The most charitable thing I can come up with is maybe they’ve deluded themselves into thinking “anything to avoid a meltdown”. But that way lies madness.

Jallenrix −  NTA. It would be unfair and unkind to Michael to force him to endure that on his wedding day. Make it clear to your parents that you’re not looking for “agreement” — Anna is not invited, period.

CraigBybee −  NTA. Regardless of her disabilities, this day isn’t about her. If your parents can’t understand why she isn’t invited, then they can sit it out too.

CakeisaDie −  NTA. It’s your wedding and your sister doesn’t have boundaries with the 1 person they need her to have boundaries with. They told me Anna is disabled and may never experience a wedding of her own. So? Life isn’t fair and that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice what is likely yet another thing for Anna. This is your day and there’s no reasonable acommodation except maybe stream the wedding for Anna to watch via a screen given Anna’s boundary problems.

0biterdicta −  NTA. Your fiancé deserves to feel safe and comfortable at his own wedding, instead of being worried about being accosted by your sister. Have you spoken to your parents about their long term care plans for Anna? I would make sure they’re not planning for her to move in with you and Michael, and to make sure she gets the appropriate time to be transitioned to her new situation.

jusnosey −  I was about to Y.T.. you into the ground but soo NTA. If the genders were reversed there is NO WAY anyone would expect someone’s partner to be ok with being… well.. s**ually harassed. She MAY not know exactly what she’s doing but it is s**ual / physical harrassment and that’s not ok.

NTA and your parents need to find a therapeutic way to establish knowledge of physical boundaries especially since she obviously does not carry o this way with everyone she meets. She understands on some level.

mbj98 −  NTA. As an above commentor mentioned this isn’t a disability problem it is on your parents for not reinforcing appropriate boundaries. This also isn’t about just having your husband be yours. He shouldn’t have to be s**ually harassed on his wedding day. And just because she has a disability doesn’t discount what is done to your husband. It might be pricy for your parents. But finding a disability savvy sitter for a few hours so the day could run smoothly wouldn’t kill them.

HellaShelle −  NTA. It’s unreasonable to ask you to spend the wedding managing her behavior. They can’t really expect you to “share” your husband whenever she’s around and need to figure out a way of teaching her not to do this for the long term.

Do you think the Redditor’s request was fair, or should they have been more accommodating to their sister’s needs? How would you handle such a sensitive family matter in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and insights in the comments below!