AITAH for telling my partner if he’s unwilling to commit I’ll leave and wait for the right person?
A person has been dating their partner for some time and they initially aligned on wanting the same things—settling down, marriage, and a shared love for holidays and family gatherings. However, over time, the partner has revealed he no longer sees marriage as important and dislikes holidays.
When the issue of commitment came up, the person told their partner that if he couldn’t commit, they would walk away and wait for the right person. The partner reacted negatively, claiming they would marry, just without a timeline. The person is now questioning if they were wrong to set this boundary. Read the original story below for more details.
‘ AITAH for telling my partner if he’s unwilling to commit I’ll leave and wait for the right person? ‘
When we first started dating we had the “what are you looking for discussion”. EVERYTHING line up. Both looking to settle down and looking for marriage. Both loved holidays, family get togethers cook outs etc. Fast forward. He hates holidays (literally ruined Christmas)
When we discuss marriage he now never see’s himself getting married because it’s pointless….but what about saying you wanted it? I told him point blank if he couldn’t see himself committing to me in that way I would walk away and wait for the right person to come along.
He wasn’t a fan of this and told me I’ll marry anyone who comes along and he’ll marry me but won’t put a timeline on it, I’m sorry but I won’t be a 10,15,20 year girlfriend for some that’s okay, for me it’s a no.. So, aitah?
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Window4Me − Run, don’t walk, away from this relationship. Both of you want different things. Just end things cordially by saying that you realize that both Of you want different things. The longer you stay, the more miserable and resentful you will become.
PaleontologistTop497 − All the comments I see are saying that it’s ok to split if you want different things. And while that is absolutely true however to me the bigger reason to split is the outright lies. He completely lied to get what he wanted. This would be a dealbreaker for me. He can’t be trusted. NTA
Life_Scratch_2807 − He’s trying to bait and switch you hoping you’ve fallen for him enough to give up on your wants for him.
babevibes99 − if you can’t commit to a holiday, you probably can’t commit to a relationship either
kmbct2 − NTA- as someone who was the decade long girlfriend and had 4 kids together, get out now. Met and married someone 3 yrs after leaving. My husband proposed after 3 months (I didn’t take it seriously lol). My experience showed me that if he wanted to, he would.
There is nothing that stops a man who truly wants you. Do not accept a shut up ring or any proposal from him now. You will never get over the resentment of dragging someone up the aisle or “forcing “ an engagement. Leave and find someone who you don’t have to even question
Gonebabythoughts − It’s not wrong to want different things and to break up because of it.
Optimal_Flatworm_870 − Time to leave. You shouldn’t have to give ultimatums. It’s clear you two now have different priorities. Why would you want to marry a man who obviously doesn’t want to marry you – it’s the absolute worst way to start a marriage.
camkats − Get out now and move on. This is easy
ExperienceOptimal132 − Leave, he gave you the answer
UpThereDontCare − Holy yikes. And he hasn’t even shown his full true colors.
It’s not unreasonable to want a clear commitment in a relationship, especially after aligning on future goals. Being upfront about your needs and boundaries shows maturity, even if it’s difficult for the other person to accept. Do you think the boundary was too rigid, or is it important to stick to your values in a relationship? Share your thoughts below!