AITA For losing it after my wife wanted my daughter to stop using the bathroom in the house?

A Redditor shares a heated argument with his wife over bathroom privacy. He has a 14-year-old daughter from a previous marriage and a 16-year-old stepson. After renovating the small bathroom his daughter typically uses, she has been using the main bathroom temporarily.

His wife became upset when she noticed that his daughter had left used period products in the trash, worried that his stepson might see them. She then asked him to tell his daughter not to use the main bathroom.

The Redditor found this request unreasonable, arguing that the house belongs to his daughter too, and a fight ensued. His wife accused him of not respecting her role as a parent, but he believes she was being overly private and harsh. Read the original story below to see how the situation unfolded.

‘ AITA For losing it after my wife wanted my daughter to stop using the bathroom in the house?’

My wife and I have been together for 3yr. I have a daughter from my previous marriage. She’s 14. I also have a stepson who tends to be rude at times but civil enough around adults. He’s 16. He and his step sister get along well. No arguing, no yelling even better than most siblings I know which is great and it’s quite a relief to see them loving and respecting each other.

We have two bathrooms in the house. My daughter only uses the smaller one. Since it’s always available unlike the main bathroom that me, my stepson and wife often use. I’ve recently received some money and decided to renovate the small bathroom that my daughter uses since she complained about things needing to be fixed. I started the renovation 2 days ago.

While my daughter uses the main bathroom as an alternative. There were no issues until my wife pulled me aside saying my daughter’s been leaving period products inside the bathroom and it wasn’t right cause my stepson would see them. I asked my wife for more clarification and turns out my daughter gets rid of her used pads by putting them in the trashcan inside the bathroom.

I told my wife there was nothing wrong with that so what’s the problem. She gave me a look. Called me an ignorant then dropped it. This morning she looked upset and told me my stepson went inside the bathroom after my daughter got out and probably saw her used pads in the bathroom. I asked if she meant the trashcan and it was confirmed.

She then proceeded to tell me to ask my daughter to stop using the main bathroom even though the small one is still in the process of being renovated. I absolutely lost my s**t and told her she was making a ridiculously unreasonable demand. Told her it’s my daughter’s house too. Where is she supposed to go if she can’t use both bathrooms?.

We started arguing back and forth until she said she’d talk to her but I told her to stop it. She just kept giving me the cold shoulder for hours now even though my stepson said nothing about this “issue” as she claims it to be.

My wife said she was trying to be a parent but I treat her as an outsider to my daughter. That’s not true. I might’ve been harsh on her but in my opinion she wasn’t trying to parent she was being unreasonable. I might be wrong I just don’t see her point.. AMITA Here!?

My wife is an incredibly private person but that doesn’t mean she can get others to follow. To answer your question: The trashcan we have has a lid. It’s a step on trashcan that doesn’t require hands. My stepson isn’t even aware of what his mom’s talking about. He can barely look around he always has his phone glued to his face and he doesn’t pay attention to anything.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Unlucky-Profession41 −  My wife said she was trying to be a parent but I treat her as an outsider to my daughter. She was trying to *parent* the wrong kid. Daughter didn’t leave the used products on the toilet tank or seat. It was in the trash. Wife should use this as a good teaching moment for her son.. NTA. And good on you!

janewilson90 −  NTA. Her son lives in a world in which people who menstruate exist. He’s going to have to deal with it. There’s nothing wrong with him seeing a box of tampons or pads. I would say if you don’t have a bin with a lid I’d advise getting one. Much nicer for bathroom bins to have lids.

Used pads should also get wrapped up in the next pads wrapper or some toilet paper. Mainly because this them stops them from sticking to the side of the bin. Your daughter having her period is totally natural and she shouldn’t be relegated to another bathroom because of it. What does your wife do with her products? Hide them?

SydeSplitter −  NTA. Your wife is raising her son to be one of those weird dudes who has a gag reflex when he hears the word tampon. I would tell him fine but I’m taking the toilet paper out because my daughter knows you wipe your b**t with it, and that’s disgusting. Since I guess we’re all being freaks about human body functions.

fotli3146 −  “Probably saw the used pads”. You should clarify that because: If he saw them, it means he went through a trash can in the bathroom till he found a used pad and then preceded to get traumatized, which means he is kind of crazy. If he didn’t saw them, it means your wife thought he went through a trash can in the bathroom, found them, and got PTSD upon sight, which makes her kind of crazy.

Then there is the question of WHERE is your daughter supposed to p**s and s…. while the 2nd bathrom is being restored. And last is the question of what does your wife do with her used pads to prevent any form of trauma on your step son. Does she has a special locked box where he keeps them? An incinerator? We wanna know.. NTA btw.

ckbruinfan −  NTA. Your wife is unreasonable. “My son might see a natural thing!” Like, get over yourself.

MadtownMaven −  NTA – but you are focusing on the wrong thing in your argument. Instead of focusing on your daughter, you should be focusing on WHY her son can’t be exposed to the fact that people in the world menstruate including your daughter. Does your wife need your help in explaining that people have periods to her son?

That’s it’s natural and a part of life and not a big deal. Is your wife so ashamed of her own cycle that she is projecting that onto the kids? Figure all that stuff out, because it is not negotiable that your daughter can use the house restroom and dispose of her period products in the waste bin as that is it’s purpose.

the_last_basselope −  NTA. Don’t let your wife be a parent to your daughter because she’s a bad one, at least on this issue. There is nothing shameful about having periods, your daughter is disposing of the related products in a hygienic way, and that is literally all that matters. If your wife thinks her son somehow needs “protection” from the evidence that a normal bodily function exists, she has issues and should seek help for them.

justkeepsinging −  NTA. That’s some deep internalized misogyny.

Little-bit_ −  NTA. Why is your wife so frightened about her son learning about the female body functions? And can I just point out that no self respecting woman would ever waste time on a guy who is either clueless or scared or emotionally disturbed in any way by periods. Honestly if my husband acted like a baby over this he would never have become my husband.

Your stepson is going have a lot of trouble in his future relationships if he and your over-sensitive wife can’t get over this ridiculous issue. To be honest I’m that shocked at the stupidity of the ‘problem’ that I am struggling to understand how someone so level headed like yourself ever ended up with someone so unbelievably narrow minded.

nicky5295 −  Wow you are such a cool dad. Thanks for being such a super awesome dad! Nta in any universe what is wrong with that woman

Do you think the Redditor was justified in defending his daughter’s right to use the bathroom, or was his wife’s concern valid from a parenting perspective? How would you handle the situation in your home if faced with similar privacy concerns? Share your thoughts below!