AITA for telling my brother in law he’s a walking advertisement for a**rtion?

A Redditor and his wife faced an unimaginable loss when they had to terminate a pregnancy due to medical complications. At a family gathering, his brother-in-law (BIL), an extreme pro-lifer, harassed his grieving wife, calling her a murderer. The Redditor, enraged, snapped and told BIL that, given his destructive behavior and life choices, he himself was a walking advertisement for abortion. Now, his sister (BIL’s wife) is accusing him of going too far, but after the confrontation, she’s reevaluating her marriage. Was he justified in his outburst? Read the details below.

‘ AITA for telling my brother in law he’s a walking advertisement for a**rtion?’

My wife was more than five months pregnant when we learned that our daughter would not survive outside the womb. We were devastated, as this was a very wanted pregnancy. My wife made the difficult decision to have an induction a**rtion. The procedure itself went as expected, and she is physically fine. Emotionally, we are both still grieving. I was with her the whole time.

Yesterday, we had a family gathering. My family knew we were expecting, and I had the horrible job of telling them we had lost the baby. My parents and sister expressed their sympathies. However, bil, who is extremely pro-life, throughout the night told my wife repeatedly her that she was a murderer and that she killed her own daughter, and all sorts of other awful things that made her feel much worse.

I was appalled when I caught him doing this, and my wife was on the verge of breaking down all over. I yelled at him, pointing out how he had gotten a DUI in the past that put another person in the hospital, how he was working a low-paying job selling cigarettes that kill thousands of people every year at a convenience store, and how I had needed to bail him and my sister out financially more than once for medical reasons.

Then I ended with “If anything, you’re a walking advertisement for a**rtion. Your mother probably wishes she had aborted you.” I took my wife home, furious. Then later, I got a call from my sister. She apologized initially, saying she realized what her husband had said was out of line, but then tried to justify it by pointing out that he was raised to believe a**rtion was wrong.

I should have been more understanding, and it was unfair of me to point out his past struggles when he had been doing better recently. I cussed her out and hung up, but now I’m wondering if I did go too far? AITA for basically telling my brother in law he should have been aborted?

Update: thank you all so much for the support. My sister called me a few hours ago, and we talked. It turns out she didn’t know what he had actually said. He made it seem like he had just said he disagreed with a**rtion, which I would say is still unacceptable to tell grieving parents. But when I told her what he actually said, she was horrified. She apologized profusely and is

now considering leaving him (there were a lot of other red flags in their relationship). She’s now fully on our side and can’t believe her husband could be so vile

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

brydeswhale −  NTA. I’m so sorry about your baby. “Incompatible with life” is one of the most devastating phrases in the English language. Your BIL brought it on himself. How unkind of him to harass a grieving mother, and your sister isn’t much better in defending him.

MadronaPDX −  NTA. Your BIL’s attitude is incompatible with compassion and his timing is atrocious. There are some moments where the person who loses their cool and says something hurtful gets a pass and having to terminate a wanted pregnancy is up at the top of the list. Big hugs to you and your wife. BIL needs to attend his own life choices.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Usually I’m not someone who agrees responding by going low or insulting but seriously? S**ew this guy. He’s an awful person. He’s not your wife’s dr, child’s dr, you or your wife, he gets no say at all. If the loss of a child’s life is so tragic to him maybe some sympathy for the horrible choice you had to make should have been his first step.. I’m so sorry for your loss.

BoldHYPER −  NTA while some would say your reaction over the top your were grieving and he had the audacity to say your wife was a m**der when the baby wasn’t going to make it.

Graysconfused −  NTA, I 100% agree with everything you said, and I’m.so sorry for your loss

4517_7 −  NTA, telling someone who just made a decision that will affect the rest of their lives, that they are a murderer means you are one fucked in the head individual. Time to let them know that this behavior is unexceptionable and that they will not be a part of you life till an apology is made by BIL AND he shows that he’s not going to try this s**t again

Bondo_Wallace −  NTA but he sure is and so is his wife. Since they are such fine, upstanding citizens guess they don’t need hand outs or help anymore. He is so pro life how many kids has he adopted?. Also sorry for your loss.

Order66-Cody −  NTA. The problem with anti a**rtionist are that they thinks it okay to blab their opinions whenever they feel like it. Whatever view you hold, if you think its okay to criticize someone when they’re at a low point then you don’t deserve any respect or civility.

LAKingsofMetal −  F**k no. NTA. At all. I’ve read the e s h opinions and understand them. Normally, I’d agree. But in this instance, you just had to make a heart-wrenching decision. Based on medical science and the voice of experts. You didn’t do this without heavy consideration.

You just told your family. What makes it ok for this a**hole to push his views on you at that time? Any time, really. Yes, you dragged other aspects of his life into it. Yes, it was harsh. No, you’re NTA in the slightest. Your sister meant well but then went down a wrong path by trying to justify.

She’s not exactly an a**hole for her phone call- just tone deaf. But your BIL is a massive one and neither of you deserved that. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry to read what you went through and wish you the best on recovery.

King_Flippynips121 −  NTA. You guys have been grieving the loss of your child and they decided to poke the beast. Don’t f**k with people who are grieving. If they’re not hurting themselves or others, if they’re not unhealthy or a danger of any kind, let them be. It’s not uncommon for people in grief to lash out or experience mood swings, irritability, depression, etc.

While it doesn’t make it okay, it’s understandable and most decent humans try to be understanding that those people aren’t themselves, they’re in pain and processing. But BIL decided to actively attack a postpartum woman (funny he chose to attack your wife and not you or both of you, and also interesting he tried to do it away from/out of earshot of others,

which to me indicates that he knew EXACTLY what he was doing and targeted her because he’s either a misogynistic f**k or a cowardly bully, probably both) grieving the loss of her much wanted child, and your sister calls to defend him? They don’t have the respect to leave you to grieve in peace, so they get what they deserve, which is certainly NOT your respect or kindness.

I’m sure you and your sister will talk at another time and work it out, but she was incredibly insensitive to try and defend her husband’s horrific, unjustifiable actions to grieving parents. It literally requires less effort to NOT be dickheads to people in pain than what your BIL did and your sister really should have given the apology only and saved her defense of her disgusting, deplorable, hypocritical husband for another, less emotional time.

So sorry for your loss and you’re not at all the b**t here, nor do I think you share any responsibility in this. Take care of yourself and your wife. Everyone else can wait. They don’t even have the basic human decency to give you guys a little time to heal, so you certainly don’t need to bend over backwards to hold their hands and kiss their boo boo feelings better.

Do you think this was a justified emotional reaction to an extremely cruel situation, or did the Redditor go too far with his comments? How would you handle someone attacking you during a time of profound grief? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.